Things you can say in one place that will get you slapped in others.

[JLRodgers]

I once knew a dog groomer (woman) that would frequently say something along the lines of "I've got a hot/wet/dripping pussy here!" (you know, after giving a cat a bath?) I swear she took cats in to bathe just so she could say that.


I know there's been some real... "good ones"... in my past at jobs, but I can't for the life of me remember them!

[XCashier]

While snorkling in Bermuda I had a hard time trying to pet a Slippery Dick - it was moving too fast.

You could try birdwatching instead; you can see some great tits and boobies.

[LibraryLady]

All teachers know this one.

Some years ago a friend received a gift of two tickets for at concert a Lincoln Center from an acquaintance who was going to be a featured soloist in a performance by the New York Philharmonic. She invited me to come with her. As we were standing in line to pick up our tickets at the box office, something very interesting happened.

It was a single line and I was standing in front of her. To have a conversation with my friend, I turned my back to the front of the line. I could clearly see the woman behind my friend and could enjoy her reaction to our conversation. We talked about the soloist we were about to see. Then, my friend dropped the bombshell.

"He's a lovely man. I had his kid, you know."

The woman behind us looked like she'd been hit by Mr. Salmon. You could almost see the black clouds gathering around her as the lightning flashed from her ears. How does this young woman make such a brazen statement in public (eleventy)?

It was perfectly innocent. My friend was a teacher and what she said meant that the musician's son had been a student in her class.

[AdminAssistant]

Another one from tonight's rehearsal, on headset:

TD, to the sound guy: Hey, I think the strings are a little hot.
TD gets off headset
Lights: I don't know about you, but I like it hot

[Antisocial_Worker]

In my city there are two streets, Coxe Avenue, and Short Coxe Avenue, which can be found in an industrial part of downtown. Among the things you'll find on them both are car-parts dealerships, warehouses, and trucking companies. And thus, every day all over town, you just know that men in trucks are being told by their bosses, "I need you go down on Coxe and get..." or better yet, "Go down on Short Coxe and pick up..."

Also, off east of here in Gastonia, NC, there is an IHOP on Cox Road. If you call them they do not answer the phone the way that every other IHOP does. They won't say, "IHOP on Cox, how can I help you?" but you can rest assured that many, many other people have no trouble at all talking about the IHOP on Cox.

[Boomer]

I could not work for Cox cable. Just too many naughty places to go with that name, and I'd be LMAO every time I had to talk to a customer.

[telecom_goddess]

In the telephony business we have what's known as a "Firm Order of Committment" or something like that (not my department). We always call it FOC, but it never quite comes out sounding exactly like it's spelled because, well, we're cable people who never miss an opportunity for innuendo...

So, it's not unusual to hear someone call across the room, "I need a FOC before I can put this order through."

To avoid that scenario we tend to say "F.O.C" we say the letters seperately hehehe