:( newly single (whiny)

[dispatch]

So once again, just when I thought things were going along well I got blindsided and am back to being single. This one was on good terms and very civilized, but it still hurts like none other because regaurdless of the reason or how well the other person breaks it to you, most of what one hears when someone leaves them is "you're not good enough".

In the process of this falling apart I solicited advice from friends and family, big mistake. As soon as my mom heard about it she pulled me aside to tell me that I'm self-centered, one of my exes told me that I'm boring, and, well, let's just ay that in the future I'll be consulting my cat for advice on such things because she can't directly tell me "oh, well I can certainly see why she's leaving you".

Maybe there's something to all of this. Maybe I should pursue my dream of becoming a forest fire lookout for at least one summer. It might be a good living for one so self centered and boring as myself . I don't know....I really don't frakking know and I wish I had it in me to not care anymore. If someone could enlighten me on the rules of engagement after a "we're still fiends" breakup that would be lovely, because for reasons I don't want to ponder the sychological and insticntive triggers for, I'm extremely horny.

A bittersweet symphony indeed....but I've got a 12 pack of lognecks (grain belt beer....nice and smooth with a sweet aftertasre ) 3 seasong of SG_! and.............dammit! of all the times ot be out of ben & jerry's! A CURES O BOTH YOUR HOURSER BEN & jERRY!!!

"so many things we try to do truthfully, by the time it's through with us it all alls apart. Maybe somehow this scam will still save us all" -against me, I still love you Julie

[BookstoreEscapee]

Aw, I'm sorry...

As for the "still friends" bit...easier said than done. Take whatever space and time you need...if she really does want to be friends she'll understand, and if she doesn't you're better off. As hard as that is to figure out and/or accept. (Been there, done that.)

[SilverOrb]

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you

Dating these days is hard... And a load of crap. I threaten to go lesbian at least once a month. (Yes, my attempts at levity DO leave much to be desired :P)

Anyways... Do what you need to do for yourself. When push comes to shove, the only person guaranteed to always be there for you is you, so make yourself happy.

And I offer a foam gladiator bat for your mother.

[Hobbs]

ROE for "just friends"?

Pardon my cynical remark, but I've been through two [actually, three] break-ups that had those lines and it never works. Or, at least, for me it didn't. Maybe you'll be lucky. I feel for you really, since I've been recently re-classified as well.

Come here next time for advice, too.

Eh, I'm no good at consoling *offers bottle of Jack*

[blas]

Moms can be pretty cruel. I don't even need to tell how many times I've been dumped or "traded in on" for someone else, not to mention the first guy I loved ran for the hills once we hit 6 months.....and even though my mom seemed supportive at first, she just HAD to throw in "Honey, you expect too much from guys and your expectations are too high!"

Yes, expecting honesty is too much at times...but the way she said it, ugh.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. And a trout slap for your mom.

[RayvenQ]

If someone could enlighten me on the rules of engagement after a "we're still fiends"

ABORT ABORT!, RETREAT, RETREAT!

There, those are pretty much the ROE when it comes to that.

I just had a similar breakup (Yeah, soreee that I'm disabled, can;'t get out of the house much, can't afford to go anyplace nice and that the only viable place to go is my flat (especially since i'm forbidden to go to your dads, which i don't even know the address off) and I get called boring.

Hell, I hadn't even met her in person for 6 months (much a fool as i am for waiting that long)

Hell, she even dared to say I wasn't romantic (this was after she declined the me cooking a meal and watching her favourite movie at mine all the while with cuddles nd ice cream, simply because she couldn't be bothered.)

[BookstoreEscapee]

Hell, she even dared to say I wasn't romantic (this was after she declined the me cooking a meal and watching her favourite movie at mine all the while with cuddles nd ice cream, simply because she couldn't be bothered.)

Home cooked meal, favorite movie, cuddles and ice cream? What the hell is wrong with her?

[RayvenQ]

I have no idea, Anyone know where all the girls that love a quiet night in are? I could do with some directions

[Food Lady]

Home cooked meal, favorite movie, cuddles and ice cream? What the hell is wrong with her?

Not to mention he's adorable!

[RayvenQ]

Nooooooo don't mention the A word, it seems like it's cursed when used on me

[Shards]

Here are the rules: Do. Not. Fucking. Do. It.

I'll preface this by saying I'm a bit personally invested in the mental health of the girl who I'm about to use as an example, and that I am, therefore, a bit more touchy when it comes to this kind of situation, but... Well, I don't have a but for that.

There's a girl in my life who has been a close friend of mine for a long time. Yes, I will admit there is a conflict of interests in regard to me helping her through a breakup. A fortnight ago, she... "reclassified" the guy she had been seeing, because he had not been treating her well at all. At this point, I should seem like I'm on the other person's side, right? Wrong. He wasn't treating her well because he was over her before they broke up, she's still hung up on him (understandable, it's only been a couple weeks, they were together almost 9 months), and trust me when I say that every time she sees him or hears about him, it doesn't exactly help her get over him. Think about any relationship you've had where you were just friends with a girl you were interested in. Was it hard? I bet it was, and I bet that even though you loved the pain, that didn't make it stop hurting when you saw them, and remembered what you were to them. Now add to that that you've been physically intimate with her (I assume, anyway), and that while with those "just friends" relationships before you never had to un-learn old habits, now you will. Bad habits die hard, habits you loved while you were doing them die harder, and just serve to twist the knife inside you. Take some time, give yourself some breathing room, you may find that you don't want to be "just friends" after all, and pretending to be friends because you promised each other you would is never a good idea. I was engaged for almost 10 months, and then it was called off and we had a mutual breakup, and we promised we'd still be friends after we had some time to get over each other. We've said all of two lines of dialogue to each other since (this happened in October of 08), and those were: "I still have some of your stuff over at my place." "Oh, yeah, I've got some of yours, too..." (This was in December, neither of us have made any effort to retrieve our belongings) The fact is, that while we were dating, there was a lot between us, and we liked being together, but very shortly after getting over one another, I realized, and I can only assume she did too, from what I've heard from mutual friends, that we simply had no similar interests, and had never been friends before we dated for a damn good reason. Think about it, take some time, and if it's worth salvaging the relationship as friends, trust me when I say it'll be easier if you avoid the knife twisting that is all seeing her now would be.

[Food Lady]

Nooooooo don't mention the A word, it seems like it's cursed when used on me

Why is that?

[BlaqueKatt]

Here are the rules: Do. Not. Fucking. Do. It.

It actually depends on the individuals involved

I'm still on friendly terms with 5 ex-boyfriends and one ex-husband-we hang out sometimes, my current husband doesn't mind-he knows I chose him.

However the ones I'm still friends with we started out dating and kinda grew out of dating and into friends if that makes any sense at all-one actually refers to me as his little sister. My ex-husband, well that had to wait until we had both gotten over the pain of the divorce(it's been 7 years)-but we chat on facebook quite a bit now.

[Shards]

Which is why I went on into more details, because it can work as being just friends, If and only if there is the capacity for friendship there and time is given for whoever was hurt more by the breakup to lick their wounds, which is pretty much the advice I gave him.

[Taboo]

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

Being friends afterwards? Very very rare. Unless you were friends before you became a couple, it's probably not going to happen. Even if so, I suggest cutting off contact for a while until you are really over her and looking for and/or seeing other people before trying to re-establish a friendship.

Good luck.