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Please! Enough is ENOUGH!!!
So, this morning started out wonderfully. There was an incident before work. According to the police report I had to give, and the incident number, it is officially listed as an assault. So that’s what I’ll call it.
I get off the bus at about 7:50 am, and start walking to work. I pass a guy nod vaguely in acknowledgement as we’re on opposite sides of the sidewalk, and I scootch my bag over so it doesn’t hit him as we pass each other.
Ten seconds later he’s behind me. With his hands on my ass.
I jump and pull away, and turn around, and basically say “Get your fucking hands off me. Don’t you EVER touch me again.”
He smiles and reaches for me again. I tell him to fuck off and start hustling down the street to my store, fumbling in my bag for my keys, which have my pepper spray on them, and my cell phone. He’s coming along in the same direction, and starting to move faster. This freaks me out so I open my phone and attempt to snap a pic of him, while calling the police, and inform him of this. (Unfortunately, I can't do both at the same time on my phone, and failed to get a picture) I get to the corner where my store is across the street, take one glance to make sure there’s no traffic and haul ass across the street and inside. When I glanced back he was running in the opposite direction. I explain what happened to my manager, and she tore out of the store, to see if the guy was still on his way in, and shouted at my coworker to get me the number to the police line. She dials it for me instead.
I proceed to explain what happened and they promised to dispatch an officer.
A university officer shows up first, she was on her rounds in the area. She asked what happened and I told her, starting to get a little shaky and teary when I mentioned that he reached for me a second time, because she asked “So, you’re saying it was an attempted sexual assault?”
I don’t know! I was just freaked out because he was groping my ass and wouldn’t stop!
She took me out to her car, sat me inside and started to get all the details. While this is happening, two other police cruisers show up. One was another University cruiser, the other was a city cruiser. Thankfully, one of the officers in the other cruiser is a regular. He’s one of the cops who come in and stand as security guards during our busy season, and will occasionally stop by just to grab a drink or a snack and chat. He’s actually been featured in a few of my stories as Awesome Cop. It was nice to have a familiar face while I rehashed what happened. I gave them as detailed a description as I could. Then the city police stepped in and I repeated the story once more.
Once all the info had been taken, and it was decided that the city police would take custody of the case (since they could search more parts of the city than just the university.) I got the little card with the incident number, title (assault), officers on the case, and their unit number. All those happy fun details.
I then take a few minutes to go hide in the bathroom and call my mommy. I really wanted my mommy.
I decided I’d be well enough to work my shift and did ok for the first half. I was a little jumpy when people came in, but only a touch more than I usually am. I took my lunch and came back up to the registers.
Then I get a phone call. It’s one of the officers who took my report. They had a suspect in custody, and were bringing him by in a cruiser, so I could ID him. They pull up, guy gets out of the car and it’s not him. I don’t know why, but that made me even shakier, and more upset. After they left, I took another breather in the bathroom, came back out and continued working.
Then a guy comes into make copies. He’s belligerent over the fact he has to do it himself. He gets snarly when he finds out the machine is rather subpar and old. And he gets snappy when he gets told he has to pay for his copies regardless, even if he thinks he shouldn’t because he doesn’t think they’re the best quality. He snaps at me.
I burst into tears and have a mild panic attack.
At which point, I realize I can’t stay and finish my shift. My skin’s crawling, I’m weepy and just not in a great mood. So I get sent home early, and on the way to the bus stop, my mom is on the phone with me, and understands when I don’t want to hang up unless I absolutely have to. I have my keys clipped to my belt, like I normally do 99% of the time. This morning, I threw them in my bag as I ran out the door.
I’ve been beating myself up about the fact that I didn’t have them accessible. That I didn’t haul off and kick the guy. But I’m 6’0, and rather hefty. He topped me by a couple inches, and though we may have weighed the same, he was more muscle-y. I still feel stupid. My coworker told me she’s surprised I lasted as long as I did at work, and that she couldn’t have been as strong as I was. She would have gone straight home.
I still feel stupid, I don’t know how to explain it. It’s not like I was violently attacked. I was groped. I was startled, frightened, but I got away. My Awesome Cop said I did the right thing, getting away and getting to a public place and getting help, but I still feel shaky. And dumb. Physically, I’m not hurt. (Well, I bit my lip when I was groped the first time when I was startled. Police pointed that out.) But mentally and emotionally, I’m, to quote my grandmother, a basket case.
It’s just one more thing that gets added to the massive weight that’s already pressing down on me, as melodramatic as it sounds. I stopped by a free counseling center at school, and talked to a counselor. I felt self conscious and silly, because this counselor is there to help rape and sexual assault victims, who have it a lot worse than I did. Logically and intellectually, I know it’s stupid to feel that way, to belittle my emotions because regardless of what happened, I was technically assaulted. Period. I caught a bus, and came home and took a shower which has helped with the skin crawling feeling.
And then I found out just a little bit ago my stepfather is being admitted to the hospital and I don’t know why. My mom said she’ll call when she has more information. So, once again. Enough is enough is enough!! I don’t know why all this crap is being loaded down on my family and me, but I’d like it to ease, just a little. Between this and the frightening financial situation I find myself in, the stress and drama at work, the further stress of trying and failing to find another job, I just don’t know how much more I can take.
I think that’s it for this rant. I’m going to go make some tea, maybe cook something, which usually relaxes me. Thanks for listening/reading, as the case may be.
I get off the bus at about 7:50 am, and start walking to work. I pass a guy nod vaguely in acknowledgement as we’re on opposite sides of the sidewalk, and I scootch my bag over so it doesn’t hit him as we pass each other.
Ten seconds later he’s behind me. With his hands on my ass.
I jump and pull away, and turn around, and basically say “Get your fucking hands off me. Don’t you EVER touch me again.”
He smiles and reaches for me again. I tell him to fuck off and start hustling down the street to my store, fumbling in my bag for my keys, which have my pepper spray on them, and my cell phone. He’s coming along in the same direction, and starting to move faster. This freaks me out so I open my phone and attempt to snap a pic of him, while calling the police, and inform him of this. (Unfortunately, I can't do both at the same time on my phone, and failed to get a picture) I get to the corner where my store is across the street, take one glance to make sure there’s no traffic and haul ass across the street and inside. When I glanced back he was running in the opposite direction. I explain what happened to my manager, and she tore out of the store, to see if the guy was still on his way in, and shouted at my coworker to get me the number to the police line. She dials it for me instead.
I proceed to explain what happened and they promised to dispatch an officer.
A university officer shows up first, she was on her rounds in the area. She asked what happened and I told her, starting to get a little shaky and teary when I mentioned that he reached for me a second time, because she asked “So, you’re saying it was an attempted sexual assault?”
I don’t know! I was just freaked out because he was groping my ass and wouldn’t stop!
She took me out to her car, sat me inside and started to get all the details. While this is happening, two other police cruisers show up. One was another University cruiser, the other was a city cruiser. Thankfully, one of the officers in the other cruiser is a regular. He’s one of the cops who come in and stand as security guards during our busy season, and will occasionally stop by just to grab a drink or a snack and chat. He’s actually been featured in a few of my stories as Awesome Cop. It was nice to have a familiar face while I rehashed what happened. I gave them as detailed a description as I could. Then the city police stepped in and I repeated the story once more.
Once all the info had been taken, and it was decided that the city police would take custody of the case (since they could search more parts of the city than just the university.) I got the little card with the incident number, title (assault), officers on the case, and their unit number. All those happy fun details.
I then take a few minutes to go hide in the bathroom and call my mommy. I really wanted my mommy.
I decided I’d be well enough to work my shift and did ok for the first half. I was a little jumpy when people came in, but only a touch more than I usually am. I took my lunch and came back up to the registers.
Then I get a phone call. It’s one of the officers who took my report. They had a suspect in custody, and were bringing him by in a cruiser, so I could ID him. They pull up, guy gets out of the car and it’s not him. I don’t know why, but that made me even shakier, and more upset. After they left, I took another breather in the bathroom, came back out and continued working.
Then a guy comes into make copies. He’s belligerent over the fact he has to do it himself. He gets snarly when he finds out the machine is rather subpar and old. And he gets snappy when he gets told he has to pay for his copies regardless, even if he thinks he shouldn’t because he doesn’t think they’re the best quality. He snaps at me.
I burst into tears and have a mild panic attack.
At which point, I realize I can’t stay and finish my shift. My skin’s crawling, I’m weepy and just not in a great mood. So I get sent home early, and on the way to the bus stop, my mom is on the phone with me, and understands when I don’t want to hang up unless I absolutely have to. I have my keys clipped to my belt, like I normally do 99% of the time. This morning, I threw them in my bag as I ran out the door.
I’ve been beating myself up about the fact that I didn’t have them accessible. That I didn’t haul off and kick the guy. But I’m 6’0, and rather hefty. He topped me by a couple inches, and though we may have weighed the same, he was more muscle-y. I still feel stupid. My coworker told me she’s surprised I lasted as long as I did at work, and that she couldn’t have been as strong as I was. She would have gone straight home.
I still feel stupid, I don’t know how to explain it. It’s not like I was violently attacked. I was groped. I was startled, frightened, but I got away. My Awesome Cop said I did the right thing, getting away and getting to a public place and getting help, but I still feel shaky. And dumb. Physically, I’m not hurt. (Well, I bit my lip when I was groped the first time when I was startled. Police pointed that out.) But mentally and emotionally, I’m, to quote my grandmother, a basket case.
It’s just one more thing that gets added to the massive weight that’s already pressing down on me, as melodramatic as it sounds. I stopped by a free counseling center at school, and talked to a counselor. I felt self conscious and silly, because this counselor is there to help rape and sexual assault victims, who have it a lot worse than I did. Logically and intellectually, I know it’s stupid to feel that way, to belittle my emotions because regardless of what happened, I was technically assaulted. Period. I caught a bus, and came home and took a shower which has helped with the skin crawling feeling.
And then I found out just a little bit ago my stepfather is being admitted to the hospital and I don’t know why. My mom said she’ll call when she has more information. So, once again. Enough is enough is enough!! I don’t know why all this crap is being loaded down on my family and me, but I’d like it to ease, just a little. Between this and the frightening financial situation I find myself in, the stress and drama at work, the further stress of trying and failing to find another job, I just don’t know how much more I can take.
I think that’s it for this rant. I’m going to go make some tea, maybe cook something, which usually relaxes me. Thanks for listening/reading, as the case may be.
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