need some suggestions

[KellyHabersham]

To make it short - "Jerry" is a guy whom I'd encountered via a local Yahoo chat room, we've talked a few times, and the topic of meeting in person has come up. However, he apparently doesn't have transportation or the spare cash to go out, so he keeps suggesting that I come over to his place to hang out and watch movies or sports events with him.

Now, I don't get the feeling that "Jerry" has ulterior motives or anything, but I just feel it's very awkward to have the first meeting be at his place (or mine, for that matter), and no matter how many times I've told him this, it never quite seems to sink in. And he also seems to forget sometimes that I work two jobs, and I don't have my own transportation either, so it's a little more difficult (but not impossible) for me to get out and do things.

So, I'm looking for suggestions on simple, inexpensive ideas for things to go out and do (this would not be a date, I'm not into "Jerry" that way)..... any ideas are much appreciated.

[Emrld]

just walking in the mall/ window shopping - would allow you to see things and people to help have conversation about.

a public park with brown bag own lunch

Don't go to his house . . . .meet in public. . . .make sure there are people around.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Now, I don't get the feeling that "Jerry" has ulterior motives or anything, but I just feel it's very awkward to have the first meeting be at his place (or mine, for that matter), and no matter how many times I've told him this, it never quite seems to sink in.

.

Uh, yeah. That's not safe. If it doens't seem to sink it, that suggests to me that you've told him that a couple times and he's not taking no for an answer.

What else might he not take no for an answer on?

I mean, guy you've never met, and he seems pretty bent on getting you over to his place. He's got quite a few excuses, there. Why exactly do you think he's got no ulterior motives? You've got no reason to think that he doesn't, and every reason to think that he does.

Most guys understand why a woman would not want to be alone with him right off. That's why people meet in public places for first dates (and I realize that this isn't a date, but you know what I mean.). If he's making it impossible to meet him anywhere but at his place, and not taking no for an answer, you need to pass on this guy.

My suggestions for a cheap outing would be coffee for one.

And if you ignore this advice, and meet him anyways, don't give him a ride, either. Even money says he will ask for one.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I gotta agree with RK...there must be some public place that he can get to that doesn't cost a lot...coffee shop, park, whatever. That's sketchy that he only wants you to come to his place. If you do decide to meet him someplace, you might consider taking along a friend, too.

[raw456]

Definately a public place. I would even go for one that you dont normally go to. That way, if he turns out to be all stalkerish, he doesnt know your favourite hang out and cant turn up another time and follow you home, etc.......

Look, it may turn out to be completely innocent, but unfortunately these days you have to be ever so careful about people you meet online. Never put yourself at risk, always tell people where you are going and who your with. Get a friend to call you during the meeting and have a pre-arranged phrase in case things are a bit off. Dont become another statistic.

[MaggieTheCat]

I agree with everyone here so far, definitely meet in a public place. I've met a few of my online buddies (including my current boyfriend) in person, but it's always been in a public place and usually with some other friends of mine. They've all turned out fine, but I would never take any chances.

As for where to go...a park comes to mind first. Especially if you want to do a group outing with a few more people, you could do something like a BBQ where everyone brings a different dish to pass. Or if no one wants to bring food, just go to hang out. Otherwise look around for other locations that have no cost to get in...for instance, San Antonio has a Japanese Tea Garden that has free admission (not sure if they actually serve tea or not, boyfriend and I have just been there to look around at the ponds and flowers.)

[taxguykarl]

Definately a public place. I wouldn't dream of meeting a stranger at their place.

[KellyHabersham]

Well, at this point it's not likely that "Jerry" and I will meet in person anytime soon, mainly because when he seems available to hang out/do whatever doesn't coincide with when I'm free. But, I do appreciate the suggestions and advice!

[Kittish]

Gotta toss in my 2 cents here and agree entirely with everyone who's said make the first meeting a public place! And have a safe call in place, which raw456 mentioned.

How a safe call works is you let a trusted friend know EXACTLY where you're going, and when, and everything you know about the person you're meeting (including home address if you have it, even if you don't plan on going there). That friend calls you at a preset time, and checks to be sure everything is going well. Have an innocent sounding phrase set up to alert them that things are NOT going well (mine is 'just peachy!' when I meet someone for the first time). If you use that phrase, or don't answer the phone, your friend is to call your local police and tell them it's in response to a safe call, who you are, where you are, and who you're with. Police all over the country are familiar with safe calls, and they WILL respond. If you expect to be out for more than a couple of hours, have intervals where your friend will call. Also call your friend when you're safely home after the meeting. It's sad, but in this day and age you can't be too careful.