Advice on this, please?

[Caveat Emptor]

She and I now have tentative plans to get together on the weekend of Oct. 3 in SA and go to a couple of festivals; it's tentative because she might have to be on duty at the time. If she can make it and it goes well at that time, when we are about to part ways at the end of the festival day I'll tell her that I think she's very smart, very nice and very beautiful and ask if she would be open to getting to know each other better with the goal of possibly starting a relationship. In the meantime, I'll continue the occasional friendly email.

Any thoughts?

[Red_Dazes]

If she can make it and it goes well at that time, when we are about to part ways at the end of the festival day I'll tell her that I think she's very smart, very nice and very beautiful and ask if she would be open to getting to know each other better with the goal of possibly starting a relationship. In the meantime, I'll continue the occasional friendly email.

Any thoughts?

Be careful about throwing the relationship card around hun. Most girls I know, myself included, don't like rushing into relationships. Especially since it will be really the FIRST time you hang out together outside of work, to me that just seems a little creepy. Just mention that you admire/think she is smart/nice/ whatever her and would really like to keep in touch and get to know her better.

Right now you may really want to start a relationship with her... but after you get to know her better that might change. I've noticed from observing my life and those people close to me, that going into a relationship with the only expectation being that it will become romantic, dooms it to failure more often than not.

Hope I managed some good advice for you.

[BarbieGirl]

Be careful about throwing the relationship card around hun. Most girls I know, myself included, don't like rushing into relationships. Especially since it will be really the FIRST time you hang out together outside of work, to me that just seems a little creepy. Just mention that you admire/think she is smart/nice/ whatever her and would really like to keep in touch and get to know her better.

I agree, I would be slightly freaked out if a guy told me that. It's also kind of redundant. You've already started a new relationship with her, you're getting to know her and becoming friends, after a while if things are going good you can eventually have the 'talk' about how serious your relationship is. But I would just go with the flow and learn about each other for now.

Also telling her you want to start a relationship now might send the 'I just want in your pants' vibe, Because you don't 'really' know her all that well, and she may think you only like her for her looks, not brains.

[Caveat Emptor]

I would use the term possible relationship. I would have no expectations for it to move into a definite relationship, although I would obviously be hopeful that it would in the end. The "problem" is I can't progress in getting to know her unless I can eventually ask some questions about her that, in the absence of both of us slowly but consciously progressing towards a romantic relationship, may seem odd. I want to get to know her on a personal level, and am at a loss as to how to do that when we're exchanging emails that get no deeper than her favorite hangouts, music and sports teams. I would tell her that we can move as slowly as she wants, and if for whatever reason it doesn't work out in the end, "no harm no foul." I would try and address whatever questions or concerns she may have.

[NightWatch]

ok, just do not tell her that you are looking for a relationship. Don't even use that word. IF after your date you decide to tell her "I think you're fascninating, I'd really like to keep in touch", that's totally acceptable.

If you say "i want a possible relationship with you", she's going to think you're creepy, possessive and an idiot. Just don't say it. There have been several females (including me) who have told you that your choice of words is not so great, listen to us.

If you're not going to listen to the advice given, stop asking for it.

ETA: If she is interested in you, your emails will naturally progress to more involved things then just hobbies. That's a detail you don't need to worry on so much.

[Lachrymose]

I sent an email asking if I could "pick her brain" on a non-work issue and gave my email address. She said she only had her work and Army email addresses, so I went ahead and told her I was thinking of Texas as one of several options for my next vacation, starting with Houston to try and visit with some old friends and former classmates that live in that area (100% true) and then coming up to San Antonio, and could she recc. places for me to go and restaurants? She replied she would be glad to help and would look into any festivals and other events / places and get back to me. I'm going to take the vacation in early to mid-Oct. I will wait for the info she's looking up, mull it over, and in a couple of weeks I'll tell her I've made up my mind and ask if she'd be interested in joining me on a Sat or Sun at the particular festival? Does that sound good?

This?

PERFECT!

Good job, seriously.

She and I now have tentative plans to get together on the weekend of Oct. 3 in SA and go to a couple of festivals; it's tentative because she might have to be on duty at the time. If she can make it and it goes well at that time, when we are about to part ways at the end of the festival day I'll tell her that I think she's very smart, very nice and very beautiful and ask if she would be open to getting to know each other better with the goal of possibly starting a relationship. In the meantime, I'll continue the occasional friendly email.

Any thoughts?

This?

Not so much.

As others have said, do not bring up the "R" word. To me at least, it has a bit of desperation to it.

Take things nice and slow, and see what direction it goes in.

[Caveat Emptor]

If you're not going to listen to the advice given, stop asking for it.

It's not that I don't *want* to follow it, it's the fact that in my experience "drawing it out" / being friends first results in one of two things:

- She thinks of me too much as a friend to risk "ruining" that.

- She would have been willing - one or two months back. But someone moved in before I did.

I just honestly don't know how to progress. If I go slow and we're both thinking the same thing but neither wants to say it (or go near it by saying something potentially revealing) for fear of chasing the other away? What if one of the above happens? I want to send her a very guarded statement offering to go as slow as she wants and to answer any questions or concerns that she may have. What I'm hoping is we can get to know each other on a personal and intimate level through email and other internet channels. She leaves the Army in 6 1/2 months and is looking for jobs in the defense field that we both currently work in. 90% of that field is centered around Washington DC, so it is very likely she will be moving here and it would be nice if we had a foundation from which we can progress one-on-one.

[Shroo]

- She would have been willing - one or two months back. But someone moved in before I did.

If she is interested in you she won't allow someone else to "move in" before you. I chatted with a boy who worked on a boat for six months out of the year--one month on the boat, one month home. I was more than willing to wait until he got home but then he stopped returning my emails, never came online, basically just vanished until right after I met my new boyfriend. Yeah, "someone else" snatched me up, but he allowed it to happen.
Don't over do it, but if the spark is there for both of you (even if it's a hint of a spark) I don't think you'll have to worry too much about a nonexsistant someone else.

And I think I might have missed it, but are you 100% certain that she's straight and single?

[NightWatch]

If you tell her after your date "I had a great time with you, I'd really like to stay in touch with you. And hopefully do this again." You've just told her what you want. And your intentions. If she doesn't understand what you mean by that statement, she's a little dense. You could also ask for her personal phone number and keep in touch that way. If she didn't get it when you say "we should do this again", asking for her phone number should cement the idea in her head.

[Caveat Emptor]

I asked her "When we go to the festival in October, will your boyfriend be joining us?" to which she responded "I don't have one." I responded by saying I had just made an assumption.