Crap nobody should have to deal with before they finish their coffee...

[RecoveringKinkoid]

So, I'm having an uneventful morning today, puttering around in my slob clothes, and I hear gunshots.

9am in a mostly empty neighborhood (everyone with jobs is AT their job), you don't really want to be hearing, you know, gunshots.

So I put my kid in a safe place and then hang in the front doorway. Sounds like it's coming from across the street somewhere.

I hear it again! I go grab the phone. There it is AGAIN. Holy shit, that's coming from S's place, the older couple who lives across and one down. They're friends of mine, we like to swap garden goodies. So I'm about a second from calling 911, I got the phone in my hand. I decide to call S first to see if she answers.

In retrospect, I probably should have called 911 first, THEN called S. But like I said, I wasn't even halfway through my first cuppa, and my brain doesn't exactly fire on all pistons in the morning.

Anyways, she answers the phone and says "don't worry, it's me!"

Conversation follows:

S: I shot a snake.
Me: (oh, holy fuck, you are NOT over there shooting up your backyard over a fucking snake, are you even KIDDING ME????) S, are you okay?
S: Yes! Oh God! I'm about to have a heart attack! A snake came out on my walk way and I shot it! You know I am terrified of those things!
Me: S, listen, is it dead?
S: I think so, it's twitching. Should I cut the head off?
Me: Yeah, if you wounded it. S, why didn't you call me?
S: I panicked!
Me: (no SHIT you panicked, Annie Fucking Oakley) I would have come gotten it for you.
S: Should I shoot it again?
Me: What? God! No! Put the gun away. Do NOT fire the gun anymore!
S: I got a half moon edger. I'll use that.
Me: I'll stay on the phone.
S: (In background) AAAAAAAAAAGH! It raised up!
Me: (facepalm) S? S?
S: (back on phone) Oh, God, I can't do it, I can't do it, I'm about to pass out over here.
Me: (fuck.) I'm coming over. Put the gun away. I'm coming to help you.

So I throw on my hat and glasses so I can freaking see, put on some shoes, and trundle on over there. I'm thinking if she just nicked it, maybe I can just bring it home and nurse it back to heath. As it turned out, she'd blown it all to hell, and it was just suffering. Snakes are very tough, no telling how long the thing would take to die. It was just a big fat garter snake, too. Probably had been in her garden for years, and she'd stumbled onto him by fluke. Really sad.

So here I am having to kill this poor animal with a damn half moon edger. How much does THAT suck? It made me literally queasy to have to do it, I LIKE snakes and I don't like to harm anything. But I couldn't very well just leave him there like that. And I sure as HELL couldn't leave him to S's tender mercies. So now there's freaking blood all over S's nice garden walk. Which I hope takes a while to wash off.

I mean, I can handle her phobia. I have a phobia myself, just not a snake phobia. It's a primal thing, snake phobia. I get it. People freak OUT over snakes. I'm not busting on her fear, she can't help it. But discharging a damn pistol over it? Seriously?

People lose their damn MINDS over snakes. I saw a guy put a boat down in the swamp, shooting a snake that had fallen into it. She's lucky the bullets didn't richochet.

I wish I HAD called 911 first, really. Just to impress upon her that maybe discharging a freaking pistol in a neighborhood was maybe a BAD IDEA.

[Aethian]

Ah man...poor snake.

At least you didn't let it suffer.

[MannersMakethMan]

That's definitely a 3-cup job... I think you did very well to handle that as calmly as you did.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

No, really, there aren't any snakes that will actively chase you. Some snakes are more likely to stand their ground than others, but to chase you down? Not going to happen. We have Cottonmouths down here, which are dangerous because they are venomous and also a lot less shy than other snakes...meaning you are more likely to stumble upon one and suprise it... and thus startle it into biting you. It's not that it will come after you, it's that it won't be so likely to get out of your way before you see it.

But most snakes you'll never see. They're scared to death of you. You actually have to work pretty hard to get bitten by a snake. They do NOT want to bite you.

Garter snakes are one of the more aggressive species of snakes. But like I said, all that means is that they are less likely to get scared and run off and hide. Probably why S saw him. He'd probably gotten used to seeing her and didn't get intimidated when he saw her coming.

You are not going to chased by a snake. People might interpret snake encounters in ways that suggest that they were being threatened, because people interpret things "creatively" when they are scared, and also becuase people like exciting stories. But snakes are not the horrifying creatures people think they are.

I think it's pretty ironic that of all the people on my street, the "Crazy Snake Lady" is the one who ended up killing the snake. Suck.

[AdminAssistant]

We had a cottonmouth in our yard once, and Mom nearly shot the propane tank trying to take it out with a shotgun. *sigh* Luckily, Dad came home and took care of it.

Heh...I had just started college and was living in an apartment with my sister. I came home, set my stuff down, and went to shut the door...and there was this tiiiiiiiny bright green snake sitting right there by the door. I assume it was a garter snake or something similar; it wasn't venomous. However, I then had a problem. 1) As cute as the little guy was, I'm not crazy about having a snake IN my house. 2) I sure didn't want to kill it. 3) I didn't want to get bit trying to move it. I considered calling animal control, but realized they would probably laugh at me.....so I put on oven mitts and managed to guide him into a shoebox and then set it outside.

[protege]

Yep, most snakes will disappear if humans are nearby. They really just want to be left alone.

But, I did have one scare the shit out of me at camp... As I was opening up the store one night, a rather large, black snake (possibly a racer?) slid across the floor...and into the commissary How he got in there, I have no idea--probably through one of the commissary's roll-up doors. Those things never did seal very well Still, I never saw that snake again.

Rattlers...are another story. They usually do not move if you encounter them. How do I know this? Well, during my second year at that place...some scouts found one just chilling among some rocks along a trail. They freaked out, had me call the ranger, etc.

Rangers came, and to them, it wasn't really a big deal. Still, they had protective gear on--heavy gloves and boots, leather aprons...and a tool that looked like an enormous pair of tongs. "Snake tongs," in fact. They didn't kill the rattler--they picked it up, put it in a drum...and then let him go somewhere else.

That's about the only time I've ever dealt with snakes. Well, outside of my grandmother's farm, anyway. It wasn't unheard of for snakes to get into the barns, garage, or even my workshop. But again, human activity was enough to make them scarce. The trees in the yard...were another story. Grandma would literally freak out if she saw snakes. So much, that my grandfather actually knocked one down, and dropped a rock on it

[Geek King]

But, I did have one scare the shit out of me at camp... As I was opening up the store one night, a rather large, black snake (possibly a racer?) slid across the floor...and into the commissary How he got in there, I have no idea--probably through one of the commissary's roll-up doors. Those things never did seal very well Still, I never saw that snake again.

Could be just what we call a "Blacksnake" around here. Not sure of the real name, but they get over 10' long in the wild. Not venomous, but at that size they have a good sized bite if provoked. Some of them are almost curious, and I've seen some of them stop and circle to check you out if you stand still.