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So, having avoided the large majority of my family as much as possible for the past 14 years, I dipped my toe back into the pool.
Long story short, last month I heard a rumor that my uncle had salvaged some of the books, toys, etc. that I thought were lost when the family emptied the contents of my grandmother's house into a dumpster. Including all of my stuff that was stored there. There's some family history/issues involved with why they tossed literally everything into the trash but I'll not get into it.
In an effort to try to recover some things from my childhood/teens, I called my uncle to ask him if the rumor was true. I was looking mostly for books, but I'd be thrilled to get my Transformers and Legos back, too. I had caught him just as he was headed into the shower.
He said, "No sorry, I can't think of one thing of yours that I have."
I said "Alright, well, thanks anyway."
And that was that, or so I thought.
About 10 minutes later, mid-shower for my uncle, his wife, my Aunt J, called me back. (Curse you, Caller ID!)
Aunt J: What were you hoping to get back?
Me: Well, I was mostly looking for books, but I'd take whatever was left. Uncle D said he didn't have anything, but that's okay.
Aunt J: Books? Oh, I know where your all your books went.
Me: Really? (Sweet, I had a ton of good books, a Superman collection from the early 80's on, and maybe some of my old gaming stuff survived)
Aunt J: *triumphantly* Your disgusting perverted books all went into the garbage, where they belonged in the first place!
Me: My 'disgusting' books?
Aunt J: That's right, you had nothing but disgusting books full of sex and naked pictures!
Me: You mean the two dozen or so Playboys? Yeah, and what about all of the kids books, college textbooks, oh and I bet my Superman collection was full of sex and perversion too, right?
Aunt J: You're filthy and disgusting, and you know it! You'll never get any of that horrible stuff back!
Me:
Coming from a woman who blatantly committed adultery on numerous occasions that's a pretty hypocritical judgement. Remember all the times that I ran into you in local bars with men who weren't Uncle D? By my standards, adultery ranks way above a few Playboys in the 'disgusting' department. I made the mistake of calling in the first place. Rest assured, I won't call again. And you do the same. *click*
Half an hour later, she called back again, but I was out getting dinner. My g/f answered instead and got to hear all about my 'filthy' books and that I didn't have anything else in the house and blah blah blah...
Anyway, g/f said she treated it like a call from an angry customer and just heard her out. She also said the story changed a few times to paint Aunt J in a better light with each revision. Oh, and Aunt J wants me to return all the Matchbox cars that she gave me when I was 8. The collection of Matchbox cars that was stored with the kids books at my grandmother's house. Self pwnination is funny to watch, isn't it?
However, I've seen this happen to some of the others in the family, notably my father, where you set off one nutjob and they all start calling, stalking, and pig piling you - preferably in public - for no other reason than that they get off on being 'holier than thou.' The crazy self righteousness runs strong in my family, and even the ones that married into it, like Aunt J.
A couple months ago, my Aunt E flew from Texas to Massachusetts, then carpooled with mom up to Canada, so they could ambush my Dad to yell at him and tell him how worthless he is. Just so you have a good picture of the kind of psycho crazies I'm dealing with.
Unfortunately for them, they have a nasty habit of hiding all the dirty family secrets and presenting a united 'We're a good shining example of a loving family of noble upstanding citizens' front to the public. Some of us have been publicly excluded from that group on a number of occasions. I assure you, my Dad and I will never get over the shame of being excluded. Really.
I aired my personal skeletons a long time ago. I have no secrets and the dirt they have on me is that in my late teens and early 20s I owned a couple dozen Playboys. <cue crickets as the audience fails to be shocked and dismayed.>
What I do have, however, is a massive stockpile of family secrets running from adultery (as noted above) to money laundering and pedophilia. I've told my g/f that if they all start trying to call me out like they've done to others that I might simply threaten detonate that bomb of deep dark family secrets as publicly as possible. Web page, maybe? Oh, and it'll help that I do have a binder of pictures, documents, and other evidence to back up my claims. Not just hearsay.
I guess I'm just venting and wondering - is it worth starting a full scale family war if they start calling to harass me? I walked away from them a long time ago because of this kind of crap. And I'm at the point where I simply refuse to put up with it, the way my Dad and the other semi-sane family members have.
Long story short, last month I heard a rumor that my uncle had salvaged some of the books, toys, etc. that I thought were lost when the family emptied the contents of my grandmother's house into a dumpster. Including all of my stuff that was stored there. There's some family history/issues involved with why they tossed literally everything into the trash but I'll not get into it.
In an effort to try to recover some things from my childhood/teens, I called my uncle to ask him if the rumor was true. I was looking mostly for books, but I'd be thrilled to get my Transformers and Legos back, too. I had caught him just as he was headed into the shower.
He said, "No sorry, I can't think of one thing of yours that I have."
I said "Alright, well, thanks anyway."
And that was that, or so I thought.
About 10 minutes later, mid-shower for my uncle, his wife, my Aunt J, called me back. (Curse you, Caller ID!)
Aunt J: What were you hoping to get back?
Me: Well, I was mostly looking for books, but I'd take whatever was left. Uncle D said he didn't have anything, but that's okay.
Aunt J: Books? Oh, I know where your all your books went.
Me: Really? (Sweet, I had a ton of good books, a Superman collection from the early 80's on, and maybe some of my old gaming stuff survived)
Aunt J: *triumphantly* Your disgusting perverted books all went into the garbage, where they belonged in the first place!
Me: My 'disgusting' books?
Aunt J: That's right, you had nothing but disgusting books full of sex and naked pictures!
Me: You mean the two dozen or so Playboys? Yeah, and what about all of the kids books, college textbooks, oh and I bet my Superman collection was full of sex and perversion too, right?
Aunt J: You're filthy and disgusting, and you know it! You'll never get any of that horrible stuff back!
Me:
Coming from a woman who blatantly committed adultery on numerous occasions that's a pretty hypocritical judgement. Remember all the times that I ran into you in local bars with men who weren't Uncle D? By my standards, adultery ranks way above a few Playboys in the 'disgusting' department. I made the mistake of calling in the first place. Rest assured, I won't call again. And you do the same. *click*Half an hour later, she called back again, but I was out getting dinner. My g/f answered instead and got to hear all about my 'filthy' books and that I didn't have anything else in the house and blah blah blah...
Anyway, g/f said she treated it like a call from an angry customer and just heard her out. She also said the story changed a few times to paint Aunt J in a better light with each revision. Oh, and Aunt J wants me to return all the Matchbox cars that she gave me when I was 8. The collection of Matchbox cars that was stored with the kids books at my grandmother's house. Self pwnination is funny to watch, isn't it?
However, I've seen this happen to some of the others in the family, notably my father, where you set off one nutjob and they all start calling, stalking, and pig piling you - preferably in public - for no other reason than that they get off on being 'holier than thou.' The crazy self righteousness runs strong in my family, and even the ones that married into it, like Aunt J.
A couple months ago, my Aunt E flew from Texas to Massachusetts, then carpooled with mom up to Canada, so they could ambush my Dad to yell at him and tell him how worthless he is. Just so you have a good picture of the kind of psycho crazies I'm dealing with.
Unfortunately for them, they have a nasty habit of hiding all the dirty family secrets and presenting a united 'We're a good shining example of a loving family of noble upstanding citizens' front to the public. Some of us have been publicly excluded from that group on a number of occasions. I assure you, my Dad and I will never get over the shame of being excluded. Really.
I aired my personal skeletons a long time ago. I have no secrets and the dirt they have on me is that in my late teens and early 20s I owned a couple dozen Playboys. <cue crickets as the audience fails to be shocked and dismayed.>
What I do have, however, is a massive stockpile of family secrets running from adultery (as noted above) to money laundering and pedophilia. I've told my g/f that if they all start trying to call me out like they've done to others that I might simply threaten detonate that bomb of deep dark family secrets as publicly as possible. Web page, maybe? Oh, and it'll help that I do have a binder of pictures, documents, and other evidence to back up my claims. Not just hearsay.
I guess I'm just venting and wondering - is it worth starting a full scale family war if they start calling to harass me? I walked away from them a long time ago because of this kind of crap. And I'm at the point where I simply refuse to put up with it, the way my Dad and the other semi-sane family members have.
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