My life sucks.

[Racket_Man]

again I will post

RUN !!!! RUN NOW!!!!!

and I remembered this saga posted by Jester from 2 years ago

http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ht=tiny+dancer

To the OP: you joined CS about a year after this thread slipped into the back room of CS

to Jester: Sorry to bring this situation up after 2 years but I feel that the OP NEEDS to see this 17 page thread with all of the convoluted screwed up messed up things that resulted in the loss of a good human life

[Aethian]

To the OP...you said you have to justify the relationship....Relationships don't need justification.

You said you have kids, why are you not standing up for your kids from this mental abuser?

Do you want your children acting like this to potentional suitors?

Why have you given away your life to another to live and control for you?

[Mikkel]

and I remembered this saga posted by Jester from 2 years ago

Yes, I remember that thread. It started so hopeful, then it went the predictable course all the way down.

Anyway, I don't want to hear about how I should leave him, blah blah blah. It's not like that. I just wanted to vent. I love him. I want things to work out.

You are not a therapist, I don't doubt your love but you can't make things work out just by your love. Get out! If he agree to see a therapist you could return to him when he is better but he will never get better on his own. It has been tried uncountable times in human history and all experience tell that it never work out.

[Talon]

For a more positive CS story, I'd refer the OP to this:

http://customerssuck.com/board/showthread.php?t=32457

And the positive ending:

http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ht=told+you+so

Short version: another CS'er with an uber-jealous emotionally abusive SO. When confronted, SO broke down with a blubber of apologies... but not much later he was back to his old games. He got kicked to the curb, and rightfully so.

I have nothing else to add beyond what the others have said, except for this. Other posters have said this, and I'm inclined to agree: people never act out of character. Think about that.

[NightWatch]

We never heard back from the OP, I'd like to know how everything is going. Speak to us, we care!

[BlaqueKatt]

Anyway, I don't want to hear about how I should leave him, blah blah blah. It's not like that

It is you just can't see it from where your standing

I love him

this is coming from a woman who had her husband holding a loaded gun to her head while talking to the police on the other side of the door(my friend called)-I loved him when he broke my wrist, i loved him when he broke my ribs stomping on me because I was pregnant(yes I lost the baby), i loved him when he pistol whipped me after the cops left. Then I decided I loved myself and any children I might have more, and didn't want them to grow up like that.

I want things to work out.

they won't- the man you fell in love with is merely an act, what you are seeng now is real-

pay close attention to 2,3 and 5-as that's what you have described in detail

I am not, repeat NOT a Dear Abby fan (I'm a Dan Savage person), but she republishes at least once a year a column on the warning signs of an abuser, which I find to be very true (except for one point, which I have noted in bold and commented upon).

As follows:

(1) Pushes for quick involvement: Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” An abuser presses for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

(2) Jealous: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone”; checks the mileage on your car.

(3) Controlling: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late) about whom you talked to and where you were; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

(4) Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be perfect and meet every need.

(5) Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble.”

(6) Blames others for problems or mistakes: It’s always someone else’s fault if something goes wrong.

(7) Makes others responsible for his or her feelings: The abuser says, “You make me angry,” or “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.”

(8) Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

(9) Cruelty to animals or children: Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.

(10) “Playful” use of force during sex: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you against your will during sex. Finds the idea of rape exciting.

Saydrah's Note: While doing anything against someone's will sexually is wrong and is sexual assault/rape, not everyone who finds roleplay involving rape exciting would find actually committing a rape in any way exciting. Rape is not a sex crime- it is a violent crime and about control, and there is a big difference between someone who finds actual sexual violence exciting and someone who enjoys willingly and consciously partaking of the cultural 'rape myth' portrayed in pornography and elsewhere; in other words, that rape can be enjoyed by the victim. Someone who realizes that is a myth but still enjoys the fiction is not necessarily a potential abuser. End rant.

(11) Verbal abuse: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names.

(12) Rigid gender roles: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.

(13) Sudden mood swings: From sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) Past battering: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person “made” him (or her) do it.

(15) Threats of violence: Says things like, “I’ll break your neck,” or “I’ll kill you,” then dismisses them with “Everybody talks that way,” or “I didn’t really mean it.”

[RecoveringKinkoid]

People become suspicious when they themselves become untrustworthy. This is because people think that everyone is like themselves. He thinks he can't trust you because he realizes that you cannot trust him.

I think you can read between the lines enough here for me to not have to spell it out for you.

The other thing you need to realize is that right now, while he is your fiance, he's on his best behavior. He'll relax the good behavior once you're married. So multiply his bullshit by about ten and then ask yourself if you are still okay with how he's acting.

Although I suspect a woman who is okay with how he's acting now would not be venting about his behavior on a message board. I imagine what is being posted here in reply is nothing you have not already thought for yourself.

If you marry a man like this, your life will suck. Guaranteed.