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This one’s not for eating, it’s for grossing out the neighbors on Halloween. Or Easter. Or Christmas. Or just for keeping away solicitors of all stripes. Take your pick.
Ahh…forget all that. It’s nothing fancy. It’s just the USDA Grade-A #1, all American treat: Jello Lung!
And it’s so simple to make.
You will need: (first the easily found bits
Funnel
Refrigerator-Freezer
Large aluminum pan (like a turkey pan, or shallow 9”x13” (minimum) cooking pan)
Cooking (or white) cotton twine
Turkey baster with removable bulb
Food coloring (optional)
Soup or chili pot (optional)
Salt (optional)
jello
1-2 cans Evaporated milk (i.e., ‘Carnation Armoured Tit’)
2 boxes Strawberry (bloody), Lemon (rheumy), Lime (phlegmy), etc. Jello (6oz)
1/2 cup Sugar
3 cup Water
(Note: recipe might have to be doubled depending on the size of the cow breathing apparatus…they do vary.)
And the not so easily obtained bits:
cow
lungs
Go to your local abattoir, knackerman or slaughterhouse and make a special request for a pair of recently deceased cow lungs with (and this is very important) the trachea still attached (often these are severed and the lungs split up, never to be together again, for processing into “Lung-Goody” treats for dogs). A diagram might be of some use:
diagram
See the bits that go from the (1.) nose (the external nares for you science buffs), down the (2.) hose (‘wind pipe’ or trachea) to the (3.) gas bags (lungs)? Those are the bits you need to ask for.
Accept no substitutes.
Demand authentic, genuine bovine respiratory organs.
You’ll be glad you did.
Now that you’ve assembled the necessary ingredients, there’s a small amount of prep (i.e., ‘preparation’) work that you’ll need to do:
1. Take lung/trachea assembly home. Put down paper towelling or newspaper on kitchen counter. Open knacker package. Take lungs/trachea assembly and set it on aforementioned kitchen counter.
2. Carefully extend the trachea and spread the lobes of the lungs.
3. Look for obvious gashes, slashes or mashes. Small holes are acceptable, large rips or tears need to be repaired or replaced. Remember, this unit will have to be ‘jello-tite’ (see following picture for comparison
lungs-raw
4. Run a sink full of warm water and wash the lungs/trachea. Remove any excess exterior viscera, mesentery, connective tissue, blood clots, sawdust, kitty litter or other abattoir effluvia. Try not to get water into either the trachea or lungs, as this will complicate matters slightly more in upcoming procedures.
5. Remove from water, and pat dry with paper towels, taking care to separate the lung lobes and get those nice and dried out.
Now you have a choice. You can continue directly to the jello portion of the recipe (the original “floppy” raw version) or perform a bit more labour on the lungs to yield the new, improved “not so floppy, not so raw” version.
Your call.
OPTIONAL STEPS:
OK, for those that desire a bit more structural integrity to their dessert, get a large soup or chili pot, fill with cool water to the 2/3’rds point, and add approximately 1 pound salt. Bring to ‘hot’ (not a necessary boil, but enough totally dissolve all the salt), keep the heat on low to a good roil, and stir.
Slowly, add the bovine respiratory apparatus, lowering by the trachea (which you have sealed off via sewing with cooking twine, or by wrapping a rubber band around its terminus). Be very careful, as the lungs can absorb water, rapidly get heavy and pull off the trachea. In the business of disgusting culinary practices, this is what we call a ‘bad thing’.
Kill the heat, and let the lungs soak in the hot salt water for 30-45 minutes, stirring occasionally to remove any excess blargh from the lungs and make certain that it’s completely soaked in the brine solution. Remove after the allotted time, and spread on newspapers to dry thoroughly. You should now have a nifty set of pink ones that closely resemble the following
lungs-clean
NOT OPTIONAL STEPS:
The filling:
Beginning with the jello recipe (noted previously):
1. Put the evaporated milk in the freezer to freeze for about 5 hours (make sure to shake it well before freezing),
2. A half hour or so before the milk is done freezing, heat the water and dissolve the Jello in it. Let it cool to room temperature ,
3. Put the frozen milk (solid but not too hard) into a large bowl,
4. Beat it until its at least twice its original volume (you’re aerating it at this point, so no need to be gentle),
5. Add the dissolved Jello while mixing ,
6. Add food colouring (if desired) at this point for that exciting Technicolor effect,
7. Add the sugar while mixing,
8. You’re done. At least with this part.
The holder:
You need to pour the unclabbered mixture down the trachea and inflate the lungs. The easiest way is with 2 people, a funnel and some manual dexterity. A cooperative cow is seldom available, so you’re just going to have to muddle through as best you can.
The Jello mixture will have the following frothy consistency:
froth
And will tend to begin setting like quick-dry concrete if left to sit on its own. However, being a thixotropic fluid (will flow when subjected to shear), once it’s moving, it pours rather nicely.
Place your lung/trachea set-up into the turkey (or other refrigerator proof) pan, and arrange in a festive, decorative position (the lobes spread and the trachea arranged into an elegant “S”-shape is an cygnian avian favourite).
So, having your unsmiling assistant hold the trachea (see below)
trachea
firmly attached to the funnel, slowly pour the jello mixture down the pipe, and into the lungs. Palpate (massage) the lungs to ensure that the jello mixture gets into each and every alveoli.
Pour in enough jello to inflate the lungs slightly, but not over inflate them. They should be fully rounded, firm, lifted and separated. If you’re having trouble getting the jello down the pipe, use the turkey baster (sans bulb) to blow (gently) some air into the lungs, unravel them from the inside and allow the jello to flow.
Once the lungs are properly filled, slowly extend the trachea and fill to spill point with the remaining jello. Here’s where it get a bit tricky: you now have to transfer this whole shebang to the fridge. Keep the trachea extended or it’ll be jello everywhere. Place into the fridge and tie off the trachea in an extended vertical position. Close the door, and warn everyone what’s cooling off in there. Or don’t. Instead, have a beer or 6 and sit off in a corner waiting for unsuspecting housemates to venture to the fridge for a cold one. Won’t they be surprised?
After at least 6 hours, the lungs will be ready for whatever use you have planned. Remove from the cooler (although I’d leave it in a shallow pan, for as it warms, it will tend to leak a bit) and display proudly. The jello will be sufficiently stiff to allow slicing of the lung (if cooked, it is really quite nasty, though entirely edible) and also allow artistic posing of the trachea. Use your imagination. A hat? A brooch? A pterodactyl? A longish, flexible hose attached to two rounded, bulbous pink spheres…go nuts.
Envoi:
If prepared correctly, your sliced jello lung should look something like this:
http://brontoil.com/tales/wp-content...9/04/jello.jpg
Note the fine definition, the internal texture, distinct compartmentalization and the added artistic touch of the yellow-infused trachea.
This isn’t a picture of a jello lung, it’s actually an image from my daughter’s large animal veterinary textbook of bovine pulmonary emphysema. However, if your jello lung even remotely resembles this figure: congratulations. Mission accomplished and Bon Appétit!
Ahh…forget all that. It’s nothing fancy. It’s just the USDA Grade-A #1, all American treat: Jello Lung!
And it’s so simple to make.
You will need: (first the easily found bits
Funnel
Refrigerator-Freezer
Large aluminum pan (like a turkey pan, or shallow 9”x13” (minimum) cooking pan)
Cooking (or white) cotton twine
Turkey baster with removable bulb
Food coloring (optional)
Soup or chili pot (optional)
Salt (optional)
jello
1-2 cans Evaporated milk (i.e., ‘Carnation Armoured Tit’)
2 boxes Strawberry (bloody), Lemon (rheumy), Lime (phlegmy), etc. Jello (6oz)
1/2 cup Sugar
3 cup Water
(Note: recipe might have to be doubled depending on the size of the cow breathing apparatus…they do vary.)
And the not so easily obtained bits:
cow
lungs
Go to your local abattoir, knackerman or slaughterhouse and make a special request for a pair of recently deceased cow lungs with (and this is very important) the trachea still attached (often these are severed and the lungs split up, never to be together again, for processing into “Lung-Goody” treats for dogs). A diagram might be of some use:
diagram
See the bits that go from the (1.) nose (the external nares for you science buffs), down the (2.) hose (‘wind pipe’ or trachea) to the (3.) gas bags (lungs)? Those are the bits you need to ask for.
Accept no substitutes.
Demand authentic, genuine bovine respiratory organs.
You’ll be glad you did.
Now that you’ve assembled the necessary ingredients, there’s a small amount of prep (i.e., ‘preparation’) work that you’ll need to do:
1. Take lung/trachea assembly home. Put down paper towelling or newspaper on kitchen counter. Open knacker package. Take lungs/trachea assembly and set it on aforementioned kitchen counter.
2. Carefully extend the trachea and spread the lobes of the lungs.
3. Look for obvious gashes, slashes or mashes. Small holes are acceptable, large rips or tears need to be repaired or replaced. Remember, this unit will have to be ‘jello-tite’ (see following picture for comparison
lungs-raw
4. Run a sink full of warm water and wash the lungs/trachea. Remove any excess exterior viscera, mesentery, connective tissue, blood clots, sawdust, kitty litter or other abattoir effluvia. Try not to get water into either the trachea or lungs, as this will complicate matters slightly more in upcoming procedures.
5. Remove from water, and pat dry with paper towels, taking care to separate the lung lobes and get those nice and dried out.
Now you have a choice. You can continue directly to the jello portion of the recipe (the original “floppy” raw version) or perform a bit more labour on the lungs to yield the new, improved “not so floppy, not so raw” version.
Your call.
OPTIONAL STEPS:
OK, for those that desire a bit more structural integrity to their dessert, get a large soup or chili pot, fill with cool water to the 2/3’rds point, and add approximately 1 pound salt. Bring to ‘hot’ (not a necessary boil, but enough totally dissolve all the salt), keep the heat on low to a good roil, and stir.
Slowly, add the bovine respiratory apparatus, lowering by the trachea (which you have sealed off via sewing with cooking twine, or by wrapping a rubber band around its terminus). Be very careful, as the lungs can absorb water, rapidly get heavy and pull off the trachea. In the business of disgusting culinary practices, this is what we call a ‘bad thing’.
Kill the heat, and let the lungs soak in the hot salt water for 30-45 minutes, stirring occasionally to remove any excess blargh from the lungs and make certain that it’s completely soaked in the brine solution. Remove after the allotted time, and spread on newspapers to dry thoroughly. You should now have a nifty set of pink ones that closely resemble the following
lungs-clean
NOT OPTIONAL STEPS:
The filling:
Beginning with the jello recipe (noted previously):
1. Put the evaporated milk in the freezer to freeze for about 5 hours (make sure to shake it well before freezing),
2. A half hour or so before the milk is done freezing, heat the water and dissolve the Jello in it. Let it cool to room temperature ,
3. Put the frozen milk (solid but not too hard) into a large bowl,
4. Beat it until its at least twice its original volume (you’re aerating it at this point, so no need to be gentle),
5. Add the dissolved Jello while mixing ,
6. Add food colouring (if desired) at this point for that exciting Technicolor effect,
7. Add the sugar while mixing,
8. You’re done. At least with this part.
The holder:
You need to pour the unclabbered mixture down the trachea and inflate the lungs. The easiest way is with 2 people, a funnel and some manual dexterity. A cooperative cow is seldom available, so you’re just going to have to muddle through as best you can.
The Jello mixture will have the following frothy consistency:
froth
And will tend to begin setting like quick-dry concrete if left to sit on its own. However, being a thixotropic fluid (will flow when subjected to shear), once it’s moving, it pours rather nicely.
Place your lung/trachea set-up into the turkey (or other refrigerator proof) pan, and arrange in a festive, decorative position (the lobes spread and the trachea arranged into an elegant “S”-shape is an cygnian avian favourite).
So, having your unsmiling assistant hold the trachea (see below)
trachea
firmly attached to the funnel, slowly pour the jello mixture down the pipe, and into the lungs. Palpate (massage) the lungs to ensure that the jello mixture gets into each and every alveoli.
Pour in enough jello to inflate the lungs slightly, but not over inflate them. They should be fully rounded, firm, lifted and separated. If you’re having trouble getting the jello down the pipe, use the turkey baster (sans bulb) to blow (gently) some air into the lungs, unravel them from the inside and allow the jello to flow.
Once the lungs are properly filled, slowly extend the trachea and fill to spill point with the remaining jello. Here’s where it get a bit tricky: you now have to transfer this whole shebang to the fridge. Keep the trachea extended or it’ll be jello everywhere. Place into the fridge and tie off the trachea in an extended vertical position. Close the door, and warn everyone what’s cooling off in there. Or don’t. Instead, have a beer or 6 and sit off in a corner waiting for unsuspecting housemates to venture to the fridge for a cold one. Won’t they be surprised?
After at least 6 hours, the lungs will be ready for whatever use you have planned. Remove from the cooler (although I’d leave it in a shallow pan, for as it warms, it will tend to leak a bit) and display proudly. The jello will be sufficiently stiff to allow slicing of the lung (if cooked, it is really quite nasty, though entirely edible) and also allow artistic posing of the trachea. Use your imagination. A hat? A brooch? A pterodactyl? A longish, flexible hose attached to two rounded, bulbous pink spheres…go nuts.
Envoi:
If prepared correctly, your sliced jello lung should look something like this:
http://brontoil.com/tales/wp-content...9/04/jello.jpg
Note the fine definition, the internal texture, distinct compartmentalization and the added artistic touch of the yellow-infused trachea.
This isn’t a picture of a jello lung, it’s actually an image from my daughter’s large animal veterinary textbook of bovine pulmonary emphysema. However, if your jello lung even remotely resembles this figure: congratulations. Mission accomplished and Bon Appétit!
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