Did you just invite yourself over to my house?

[Misanthropical]

DH and I had to go out to run some errands and when we get back, we see maintenance is already in the house. DH brings in the stuff while I check the answering machine.

There is a message from my grandmother on my mother's side, saying she will be out to see us in May. Are you kidding me?!? Just thought you would ring up and say when you will be popping round and that is suppose to be just fine and dandy, is it?

Did you think I forgot all those times you didn't have time to see me for any reason, because you were much too busy dating or getting married. Now that you are too old for that kind of thing, you want to see me. Really? You thought it would be that easy did ya?

Oh sure, I would love to pick up the phone and tell you not no, but hell no, but I know what you would do, the same thing you taught your daughter (my mother) to do and that is to play the martyr

I do have a mat right in front of my front door that reads "GO AWAY"

So, here is the thing. All I want is to be left alone with my husband and children. I don't want others coming into my home, which maybe a bit messy, but is in no way a pg sty So, to those related to me who I did not marry or give birth to LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!! or I may answer the door with a flame thrower, got it!

Oh, and to the maintenance man, if you don't like how my house looks, hurry up and do your job and get the hell out. I wouldn't want to offend your delicate sensibilities for second longer than necessary..

[Stormraven]

I say, let her play the martyr. It's really amusing to watch someone try that when you really don't care. Especially once they start noticing that you're not caring. Terrific fun watching their face.

[Sliceanddice]

i saw lay it up and wait til she arrives to ask what hotel she is staying at

[Misanthropical]

She sent me an email telling me when her flight will arrive and will I be so good as to pick her up? Oh, can she stay with us and if not what hotels are around?

Mr. Mis says I should let her come since she helped us out twice before. I told him that when I was growing up she had zero time for me because she was much too busy chasing men. He says she is too old for that now. I explained to him that when I was 19 years old and had no money and no food, she hung up on me the minute she heard my voice, without giving me a chance to say anything.

I told Mr. Mis that she hung up on me because what my mother said was gospel and anything I had to say was a lie, So, my grandmother took some story my mother made up about me and would not speak to me. I told Mr. Mis it was no biggie, I just had nothing to eat for two days and no money to get food.

I told him that her loaning us money twice does not make up for all the hurt she caused me. I was her only grandchild till the 80s and she couldn't possibly care less about me then or now.

I told Mr. Mis that my mother learned all the evil she knew from her own mother. Both couldn't have cared less about me, I was just someone that was in the way of them getting their next lay/fuckbuddy/boyfriend/husband what the hell ever.

He made me so mad! He doesn't know what she is like and he thinks I should forgive her and let her come?!? He told me the decision is mine to make.

However, if I tell her to fuck off I look bad to Mr. Mis and she will play the martyr role up for him and make him feel sorry for the old woman who has such a horrid granddaughter. GGR!

[poofy_puff]

However, if I tell her to fuck off I look bad to Mr. Mis and she will play the martyr role up for him and make him feel sorry for the old woman who has such a horrid granddaughter. GGR!

But he's the one who has to LIVE with you, so I bet he'll come around to your way of seeing things before too much longer

[Broomjockey]

You know what? I'd let her come, but I'd refuse to pick her up or let her stay there. Use transparent excuses, too.

Why am I giving this advice? One reason. So Mr. Mis can see what she's like. He doesn't get it, and he needs to. Obviously telling him hasn't penetrated, so a show-and-tell needs to be in order. And if all goes well, next time you WILL be able to just tell her to go to hell.

[Greenday]

I don't think your husband will think your bad. It's quite possible he just doesn't want to see you have no relationship with her and possibly regret it later in life. I wouldn't be surprised if he was just worried about that.

[Red_Dazes]

I love my mother, and my grandmother, and thankfully the Beau does too. But they have there down right evil, underhanded, nasty ways of being around me once in a while.

The Beau didn't see this at first, because they are very sweet and very much the victims when other people are around.

I had to sit down with the Beau, and explain to him how they made ME feel, how they acted when they had me alone, and how they treated me. He still doesn't understand completely...cause he didn't grow up with them, but he is on my side now, which is a good feeling.

I think you should do the same with Mr.Mis. Sit down and CALMLY talk it out with him... ask him to just listen and let you talk. Tell him about how she makes YOU feel, and how she acts different around you vs you+people. Explain how you feel like if she comes there that she is going to make you look like the bad guy no matter how nice you try and be. He's your man, he'll side with you even if he doesn't really understand it 100%.

That being said... I'm shocked that your grandmother would do that. In my family you do NOT drop by unannounced.... and you don't get to stay with us with out LOTS of planning. I know mom and I are taking a trip in May...and before we even booked the tickets we were calling around asking if it would be okay to stay with people. Not cool of the lady. She sounds like a real piece of work.*hugs*

[RootedPhoenix]

I agree with Broomjockey...somewhat. It does help when people understand the situation.
However, I'd still want to tell her to take a long walk off a short pier. She sounds terrible, and I sure wouldn't want her near me.

[Soulstealer]

I don't think your husband will think your bad. It's quite possible he just doesn't want to see you have no relationship with her and possibly regret it later in life. I wouldn't be surprised if he was just worried about that.

This is probably more in line with his thinking, at least that's what my family tells me when I don't want to speak to my mom. I guess it's hard for people to understand that you won't feel bad at all and that it's better this way.

[Jester]

Mis, I have perhaps the best compromise. Allow Grandma to come. And allow her to stay....in whatever hotel she wants to stay in. And provide her transportation from the airport. Hell, you know of at least ONE person that wants to have her visit besides herself, right? Right! Have Mr. Mis pick her up at the airport and drive her to her hotel, so that they can get to know one another. You look like a nice person, both to your hubby and to your Grandma, Mr. Mis gets to know what Grandma is like (how much of an act can she put up?), you don't have to deal with her in your house or your car, and no one gets to act the martyr.

A few years ago, my older sister The Witch invited herself and her then-husband to Key West for New Year's Eve. They were going to be in Florida, and she said how cool it would be to come on down and spend NYE with her bro. That would be all well and good, other than the fact that I knew she was merely trying to get free lodging, just as recently she "invited" me to DJ her boyfriend's birthday party so she wouldn't have to actually pay for a DJ. (She has not actually invited me to the party since I declined the offer to DJ it.) So I told her, not completely untruthfully, that I really didn't have the room for her and Hubs. Honestly, I COULD have made room, and I would have done it for my good friends, but I saw no reason to bend over backwards to accommodate this woman, who has never shown me any willingness to accommodate me.

So she asked if I could arrange for a hotel room for them in the Landmark Luxury Hotel I was working at, at a discount of course. I explained to my darling older sister that New Year's Eve just happens to be one of the single busiest days of the year in Key West, with sometimes as many as 100,000 people visiting this island of 28,000 residents! And that it would be unlikely that I could get her a room at all, let alone at a discount, but even if I could, the room with the discount at that luxury hotel would be more than she could probably get at another hotel in town. So she asked me to find her a room somewhere else.

And then I realized how awesome that idea was. Because apparently big sis did not realize that Key West hotel rooms are really expensive, especially back a few years before the economy in most of the rest of the country tanked. And I went online and found her the best possible deal for a hotel room in this town for that day. And I emailed her the results, which were, of course, far more than she wanted to pay.

And I didn't really hear much after that about her coming down to KW for NYE. Mission fucking accomplished.

Just something that might help your current situation with dear ole grandma.

In my family you do NOT drop by unannounced.... and you don't get to stay with us with out LOTS of planning.

Just a reminder....not everyone's family is like yours. I am not talking about you specifically, RD, but people in general. I have heard many times from people, "Well, in MY family..." or, "I don't understand why you're not closer to your family. MY family is so close!" Well, I'm not in your family. I am not close to my sisters, and one of them is not really all that nice. In that same vein, Mis is in HER family, which obviously differs from a lot of people's families.

Please, kids, remember...not all families are like yours, either positively or negatively. I, for example, know that not ALL older sisters are domineering, rude, nasty, evil witches that see no problem with degrading and humiliating their siblings....but just because yours ISN'T, doesn't make the fact that mine IS any less real.

[Soulstealer]

I, for example, know that not ALL older sisters are domineering, rude, nasty, evil witches that see no problem with degrading and humiliating their siblings...

Have you been talking to my brothers?

Mostly kidding, we're better now that they're older.

[Jester]

...we're better now that they're older.

Amusingly, most people think that the issues I have with The Witch are from childhood.

Sure, she beat the crap out of me back then....until nature took over and I got much larger than her, which happened when I was about 12 and she was about 16. (I now tower over her, 5'8" to 5'0".) But for a long time after childhood, we got along great. It's really only the last ten years or so that things have distinctly soured, with her being.....well, The Witch.

[Misanthropical]

Jester, I'm hoping my daughter and my sons get along when they are grown, since my daughter is always asking to please be allowed to kick their asses.

The little guy and her go at it the most! So, them all getting along when they are grown is my only hope.

My stomach hurts just thinking about my evil witch of a grandmother coming out! Why did the grandmother who loved me more than life have to die first?

[Jester]

Mis, let me tell you something I tell many young children and parents of young children, specifically if there is an older sister and a younger brother.....

My parents for YEARS told The Witch, "be nice to your brother, because one day he will be bigger than you." Naturally, The Witch did not listen, and continued to pound on me fairly often. Being four years older than me, she definitely had a size advantage......until that day arrived that Nature took over, and we evened out in size on my way to passing her. As mentioned earlier, that happened when I was about 12 and she was about 16. At which point, the beatings reversed. With much joy on my part, and much confusion on hers. I specifically remember the first day this happened, as she was on the phone with a friend (teenage girl, phone, duh), and she said something like, "What the....? Hold on....my brother is actually hurting me!"

That being said, many siblings fight, and most end up getting along much better when they're older. My little sister and I get on fairly well, though we had a few years where we didn't. We are closer in age (16 months apart), but keep in mind, my family is not what you would call "close."

And my older sister is definitely different. My mother recently told me a story that may well summarize the relationship The Witch and I have. When she was 4, and they brought me, her first and only little brother, home from the hospital, she came into the room where I was....and looked down into the crib....and wrinkled up her nose, said uninterestedly "Eh" and then left the room to go back to playing.

And as I said, she IS different. One day not too long ago, I had a conversation with my mom that may explain it more to you.

JESTER: "Mom, let me ask you something."
MOM: "Okay...."
JESTER: "You are a really nice person."
MOM: "Well, I try."
JESTER: "Dad was a really nice person. He got mad sometimes, but overall, a nice guy."
MOM: "I definitely thought so!"
JESTER: "Lil Sis has a temper, but generally means well, and is for all intents and purposes a nice person."
MOM: "Sure...."
JESTER: "I like to think of myself as a really nice guy."
MOM: "Yeah, I think you are."
JESTER: "So what in the HELL happened with The Witch?!?!?"
MOM: (thoughtful pause) "Honestly, I have no idea."

Mom didn't even try to defend The Witch, as she normally does, by saying, "Oh, that's just The Witch being The Witch." She knew what I was talking about.

Something similar seems to be happening with my niece Bug. She is a diva bitch wench, despite the fact that her father, her mother, and both her step-parents are all pretty nice folks.

Hopefully your daughter will NOT turn out the way my older sister did, or the way my niece seems to be going.