Living with the parents SUCKS sometimes... (rant!!!)

[thegiraffe]

I'm 24, educated (I graduated with a BA at 21!), employed, and living with the parents (ugh). It's for financial reasons right now due to the Great Economic Collapse of 2009, but I'm saving my money to get out. I'm reasonably independent (I say reasonably because I'm not financially independent yet, but I'm responsible, reliable, pay my bills, clean up after myself - usually, help out around the house, etc).

My dad is being a complete jerk to me though. I have NO idea why. Lately, he's barely acknowledged me, and when he does, it's completely negative. It's criticism about why I didn't do this right or why I should have known better to do that right or why I screwed this particular thing up....

As I mentioned in a previous thread, they gave me some money to buy work clothes for Christmas. I was out ALL flipping day yesterday and wound up with some shirts. I was showing them my purchases, and all he could do is holler at me about why it doesn't fit right or why it's wrong or blah blah blah. I was asking WHY it doesn't fit right (I thought they fit fine!) so I could LEARN, and he fires back at me! I attempted (at first) to explain that I was trying to learn, but then I gave up. He can be absolutely incorrigible sometimes.

Then, he called me yesterday and was asking me to look for something at home. I explained that I wasn't at home, I was out shopping like Mom and I had discussed and he went on this tirade that I needed to clean my room and do the dishes and etc... I told him that yes, I know, and it will all be done before I go to bed. He hung up on me.

I got home around 530 or so. I briefly showed Mom my shirts (since Dad was camped out in their room) and went to work on cleaning my room. Ok, I admit, my room looked like a tornado had not only touched down, but had hung out for awhile. Most of it was laundry (clean and dirty) that I had neglected and stuff had just piled up. It wasn't dirty, just messy. Dad said my room should never look like that, and he was right - I had let it go too long. I cleaned it though, and then went to work on the dishes. Meanwhile, Mom and Dad went to a holiday party and then out to dinner. They got home around 9, and everything was done. I finished everything around like 8pm or so. When they got home, I proudly told them that everything was done and I had been done for like an hour, and Dad was like "where'd you hide everything?". As most of it was laundry, I deadpanned "the washer machine". He ignored me....

Come this morning, he comes in to wake me up so I can go work on the other house, and he TURNS ALL MY LIGHTS ON (I hate that!) and I was like "ugh...why?" and he's like "so I don't trip on any crap on your floor". I rolled my eyes and rolled over so I wouldn't make a smart comment because I didn't want to start a fight.

THEN, he asked me what my plans were for the day, and I told him that I was going to go exchange those shirts and then head to the other house. He says "no, you'll go to the house first". I was like "it's only going to take a few minutes". He was like "yesterday was supposed to be quick and it took 8 hours". I was like Yesterday was not supposed to be quick, AND I got everything done like I said I would, and I received NO acknowledgment whatsoever! So whatever...I'll go to the other house and exchange my clothes tomorrow and I won't be able to get the same stuff, but he'll be happy. Who cares.

I texted Mom asking if there was something up with him because he's been acting like a jerk lately, but she didn't respond yet. She hates to get int he middle of us because we clash, but I hate to confront him without her because he's a bully and he'll try to intimidate me and then threaten to throw me out if I don't comply or agree.

I CANNOT wait to get out!!

ETA: I don't want this to sound like I'm ungrateful. I am! I get free rent, utilities, food...etc. I guess I'm just a bit miffed that I'm not being treated with respect. I'm not disrespectful to him (even when he's being rude to me), and besides, there's never a good reason to be mean or rude to someone.

[Amina516]

I agree with the last part of your post. Theres no need to be rude, esp to family when they dont deserve it.

Being that you are educated and mostly independant, I dont undertstand why your father is still telling you what to to. I know that its his house and etc, but if youre helping out and being responsible, I dont get it. I certainly dont understand why he's telling you that your clothes dont fit, if they do. Does he have other issues that hes medicated for and not taking? Possibly depressed about the holidays for some reason?

These are some of the same reasons I moved out @ 19 and fortunately have not needed to go back. My parents liked to try and control me hardcore.

[taxguykarl]

Does he have other issues that hes medicated for and not taking?

My father had type 2 diabetes and could go from nice guy to terror pretty quickly. He finally got that under control long after I moved out (figures).

These are some of the same reasons I moved out @ 19 and fortunately have not needed to go back. My parents liked to try and control me hardcore.

Mine too. When I got my acceptance letter, I literally counted the days to move to campus--senioritis...not quite.

[Boozy]

I know you said that you were saving money to move out, but is there any way you could afford to pay some rent to your parents in the mean time? It needn't be much; maybe just enough to cover the extra you're costing them in utilities and food. Or perhaps, if you'd be more comfortable with something less formal, you could grab the shopping list and take care of groceries some week.

I can't say that's why your dad's been so grouchy, but it probably wouldn't hurt. At the very least, it will make things easier for you. Lessening your financial dependence on your parents will make it easier to tell your dad to mind his own business.

[Evil Queen]

Sounds like my last visit to NC to see my family. Dad quit smoking during that time and decided I'm a good person to take his frustrations out on. He yelled, so I got tired of it and yelled back. Then he stopped talking to me for the last three days I was visiting.

No chance your dad quit smoking, eh?

(Oh, he started smoking again and is back on speaking terms with me. Huzzah!)

[MergedLoki]

I agree living @ home (especially after you've been out on your own for awhile) is a drag.

I'm doing the same thing. I work a decent paying job but im doing university part time so because of fun filled tuition bills and that my jobs just part time i don't make enough to live on my own.

so back home i go. i'm paying rent etc. (it's less than i would for an apartment so i guess it's more room & board) but i can't wait 2 move back out (it'll be a lil less than 3 years i've eben there this summer in '10). my parents can't wait either lol

they got used to having the place to themselves for 4 years when i was away in college :P.

but oh well i'l make due. by next fall i should be out on my own as i'll be done uni by then :P finally!

[Sliceanddice]

im having a problem with the living wiht my mom too.
my first summer accident lead to my boss finding a reason to fire me.
right in the middle of the great unemployment tidal wave.
me and my mom talked and we agreed i either needed a full time job or to go to school as close full time as possible then work on a part time job.
for 6 months i look for jobs.
im qualified for food service jobs and some CS jobs.
thats it. Almost every job i qualify for is in the navy (which unless i drop major weight i couldnt get into and wouldn't join until the whole dont ask dont tell thing was offically gone) or pay minimum wage, only offer part time and would take me an hour each way to get there.

my mom has it her head that nursing homes are desperate for uncertified care givers and keep giving me job listings asking for certified care givers thinking these people are so desperate they will waste two years of their time and money to retrain me to get a certificate that if i continue to go to school for what i want at the same time (which i couldn't because these are basically full time jobs where i would also be a full time student to get the certificate there for if i wanted sleep i couldn't actually take the university classes i needed to get the actual degree i want) i would basically discard after a year to work a job in my chosen degree field and again sense i wont beable to take these class and do these jobs i would be putting my education 3 years behind just to have a job that would pay 2 dollars an hour over minimum wage be full time and so physically demanding that 5 years of it will cause my already damaged back and wrist to be walking surgery waiting to happen.

she also keeps handing jobs from her church that well one i could barely fit around school the other wants a full time live in assistant.
as in she wants me to apply for a job she knows i most likely wont get based on the fact they most likely do not want a student who will be completely unavailable for 2 days each week and needing to work on school work and projects. and i have a dog (well its mostly my dads) which she know if i got this job and they where willing to have someone else come 2 days a week i still couldn't take her with me and she (my mother) and my siblings would be responsible for the care and other needs of my dog full time now, which trust me, if im sick and barely able to keep my head up, puking every 10 minutes i still cant trust them to because ill be awaken at 1am or earlier by a pug in my face on my chest crying and have my mom say 'oh yeah... she need a walk doesn't she... i gave her food but she wouldn't eat so the cats ate it' even when she knows my dog wont eat until shes been walked. and lets forget that these are Mormon job offers for in home care. How do explain to your assistant lady that your not attending young women or relief society because your gay and to lazy to be taken out of the church record.
I'm sure that would go over like gangbusters.

so im in a between a rock and a hard place because i know if i got the jobs she shows me i really shouldn't/couldn't take them and if i bring this up to my mom i get a scream season where my mom says "Fine dont find a job ill just support until i die" or something like that.

[blas]

You can come stay with me.

I moved out at 19 and will NEVER go back. A cardboard box sounds better than living back at home with a midnight curfew, being locked out of I'm a moment late, being controlled and screamed at all the time, and my brother getting to do whatever he wants.

[ditchdj]

Well you DID get a job. That's a good accomplishment, given how bad our economy is.

Been in your position before living with my mother while going to college. But when you finally DO get out on your feet it will feel so good I won't even talk to her hardly anymore.

So what goes around really DOES come around. When you get on your own just cut all ties to your dad. That's what I do to family members that kicked me when I was down. Haven't talked to my prick of a brother in six years and it feels good. I refused to even talk to him after his last wife died of cancer.

[thegiraffe]

Thanks for all the support guys

Things aren't always bad, my dad is just absolutely insufferable sometimes. He started being normal and nice to me again yesterday afternoon all of a sudden...I'm not entirely sure what the deal is there. When things are good, they're fine. When they're not though, yikes!

I've been out on my own. I lived at school when I was in college, and then for 10 months I lived in the woods with teenagers - I lived at work. I can say from experience that my parents are MUCH easier to get along with when I'm not living there!! I'm sure that a lot of it is that I AM independent and it's hard to change that dynamic after it's been in place for 20+ years.

I'm hoping to go permanent (and I've been told that it's a strong possibility) at work, and that will mean a pay raise, consistent income, and amazing benefits. It will also give me a 'green light' of sorts to go ahead and move out. Apartment complexes are hurting to find people to live in them around here right now, so it's a good time to move out - I can get a good deal (and I have good credit, which is another plus).

Everything will be alright, I just needed to vent

[Megg]

For a little different perspective ... our daughter is 19 and just moved home after being on her own for almost a year. I can understand and sort of see where your dad is coming from. Right or wrong, he probably feels a bit taken advantage of, maybe because you have made a habit of neglecting the household chores, or at least he is seeing it that way. There is also the issue of their added expenses, I know I had forgotten how much it costs to feed a teenager!

I have seen a few good suggestions, but here is mine: talk to your dad. Sit him down, adult to adult, and let him know it is obvious something you have done has upset him, and you would like to rectify the situation. He may not even be mad at you, but at something unrelated. The results of such a conversation, especially if it stays calm, may surprise you. Also, pick up your clothes, and get those dishes out of your room! You growing a science experiment in there, or what?