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(Apologies for length, lots of semi colons, commas, dashes, parenthesis and run on sentences-I want to get this out, it's been bothering me for months.)
I really, really wish I could throttle my dad sometimes.
My dad has got an honestly 1950's attitude to a lot of things; he doesn't like Obama (to put it lightly; he is the most racist man I've ever met short of a KKK member); he doesn't like Asians, African-Americans, Hispanics or Russians; he doesn't like liberals/Democrats, doesn't like people having sex before marriage, doesn't like the internet, doesn't like imported cars or "socialist Europe and Canada" (which is funny since he came from Canada), doesn't like people of alternative religions, doesn't like gays (ironic since my brother is-dad's dignity still hasn't recovered from that one; but I think that he sees it as both my brother's choice and that it was his biological parents who did it to him since brother is adopted). I don't share the same attitudes, obviously. Well, when it comes to politics, I do, but I know enough to not discuss it in polite society. Whereas Dad is forever trying to save my aunts and uncles from their "evil" political views with shouting, screaming tirades that last for at least an hour on average.
My (British) boyfriend has about six different rare medical disorders. In summary-he has little to no collagen so he's very bendy and has very stretchy skin, his nervous system and mitral valve are screwed, his heart beats twice the rate of a normal person's and he has a bit of OCD and depression because of being incurably ill and in pain all the time. But there's good news-it's all serious but it won't kill him, which means that he will live a decently long life. This is relevant for later.
Boyfriend has been to the US twice already. Dad was nothing but sweet and kind and polite to boyfriend was here-comforted me when I was broken hearted after he left-then turned into nasty old grouch a few weeks later, bringing up small things that boyfriend did that dad didn't like. Dad didn't like boyfriend bought me a half dozen red roses for my birthday; dad didn't like I spent so much time with boyfriend, dad threw a fit when I closed the door once when boyfriend was here and screamed I'd turn into my slutty cousin who has 3 kids by 3 different fathers because most Canadians don't believe in marriage because of their evil socialist society; dad flipped his shit when he found out my mother drove me to the hotel early one morning so we could have our *ahem* "last goodbyes" in peace.
Dad has held a hell of a grudge for a year and a half now since boyfriend last came; for what is basically a very small reason-boyfriend didn't say goodbye to him.
At Logan, mom and dad decided to ditch us to go downstairs to get some coffee so we could be alone together. They did this half an hour before the boarding time. At 15 minutes before boarding, they still weren't back up, so we went to find them. They weren't there. Because of the POTS, boyfriend has a tendency to panic very easily-heart thudding out of his chest, sweat, blood pressure skyrocketing, the works. It took a phone call to his mum and me beside him trying to calm him down to get him calm again. Mom and dad saunter back and immediately insist they were there; we didn't look hard enough. Whatever. At a minute before boarding time, boyfriend is standing at the gated off area, we are kissing and hugging and I'm crying like a leaky faucet, boyfriend is trying not to cry and disappears before he can. Mom and dad are near the wall talking between them and a minute after boyfriend's gone through the gate, come up and demand to know why boyfriend is gone already, why couldn't he have said goodbye to them too.
Like him standing at the gate with his bags in hand, hugging me is NOT a big enough clue that he's about to leave me and you should stop talking and come over? Maybe it was a faux pas of his, I don't know.
Mum has forgiven him, but dad? Oh no. He's chosen to make this a major drama. He has screamed at both my mother for forgiving boyfriend and me for loving him in the first place. I was told that boyfriend is a pedophile ala Neil Entwhistle (oh did I get a nice scathing note the day after that story broke out that said that boyfriend is cut from the same cloth; if anyone wants me to scan it I'll try to find it), boyfriend is a mama's boy, his family is a bunch of uneducated backwater hillbillies and boyfriend is an utter loser for not going to university, boyfriend will never live in the US, he will drag me back to the UK kicking and screaming and I will be so unhappy there because of their awful socialist/communist society and I will rot there because I will have no freedom, I will own no car nor own my own house or even have the right to breathe without being taxed and god help me if I talk with my American accent because I'll attract anti-American idiots by the dozens who will kidnap me, torture me, rape me and leave me for dead the minute I get off the plane; I will have no job, no hope of advancement and will hate everything about the weather and the food and the Queen and how eventually boyfriend will drop me for another piece of ass because I'm now "ruined" and therefore unmarriageable and I will be full of nothing but regret, regret, regret; or if boyfriend does marry me, I will be full of despair living in the UK tied to my brick. If I go to the UK alone, I will have "dire consequences", whatever those are, because I'm a little, vulnerable girl who will be preyed on; but if I bring Best Friend to the UK, it's somehow OK to dump her in a country where she will know no one and will be left alone for however many days the vacation will last because she's "stronger" since she's about a foot taller than me. Dad is refusing to come pick up boyfriend when he's coming back in a couple weeks, refuses to pay for anything, refuses to feed him on "my dime", which includes mum's cooking, refuses to look at him, talk to him or say anything but curse words and insults. Dad has planned a "talk" with boyfriend. A "talk" that I will make sure I am invited to.
Mom has worked on him, his sisters have worked on him his brothers have worked on him, his sisters-and brothers-in-law have worked on him, telling him to reconsider, to stop being so controlling, to make him realize that I have my own choices and I need freedom to make my own choices. Haha, nope. My family has been warning him that this will turn out exactly like it is with my uncle (dad's brother), that I will be cut out of his life completely, my children ignored, insulted and cursed for being devil spawn or some other bullshit, just as it is with my uncle and one of his daughters. Poor daughter didn't marry a guy my uncle approved of; as a result he has cursed that side of the family and even forbidden my poor aunt from ever seeing her daughter or grandchildren.
Boyfriend's family is beyond appalled; they're insulted that dad would even think such a thing. I asked dad what he would say if boyfriend's dad tried the same thing; he responded to the effect "he can do what he likes, but I'm still not going to change my mind". I'm just baffled at this complete bumfuckery. Dad knows I love boyfriend, dad knows that I want this asshattery to stop so boyfriend can enjoy being with me in peace but dad refuses to stop. Boyfriend suspects dad is yanking my chain; I know he isn't because dad is not this deadly serious or stubborn when he's teasing.
Dad is currently flipping his shit over the fact boyfriend plans to buy an iPad for himself and an iPod classic for me as a graduation/birthday/anniversary present when he comes here and that mom is taking us and Best Friend to Foxwoods because us "kids" have never been; this just proves that boyfriend is irresponsible with his money; (boyfriend just bought a Nexus One last month) and he spends his hard earned pay on "fucking gadgets" and I will painfully divorce him a year after we married because we'll fight about money. Well, because of boyfriend's EDS, it makes it harder and harder for him to use a regular mouse and keyboard without dislocating something, so an iPad is a godsend. So is the Nexus One with the touchscreen. This is for boyfriend's comfort plus boyfriend likes shiny new toys.
I really want dad to stop being an asshat in the end and that he tolerates boyfriend, if not loving him. I want dad to get it through his head that I will probably not move to the UK, I want to get my master's in a few years and work in the publishing industry in a recognized publishing house here in the US, but I want to visit the UK before I make any decisions. It's just a constant barrage of "I hate, I don't want, you will regret, your boyfriend, his father, his mother, his brother is/are <insert negative adjective here>", etc, etc, etc.
JUST STOP.
I really, really wish I could throttle my dad sometimes.
My dad has got an honestly 1950's attitude to a lot of things; he doesn't like Obama (to put it lightly; he is the most racist man I've ever met short of a KKK member); he doesn't like Asians, African-Americans, Hispanics or Russians; he doesn't like liberals/Democrats, doesn't like people having sex before marriage, doesn't like the internet, doesn't like imported cars or "socialist Europe and Canada" (which is funny since he came from Canada), doesn't like people of alternative religions, doesn't like gays (ironic since my brother is-dad's dignity still hasn't recovered from that one; but I think that he sees it as both my brother's choice and that it was his biological parents who did it to him since brother is adopted). I don't share the same attitudes, obviously. Well, when it comes to politics, I do, but I know enough to not discuss it in polite society. Whereas Dad is forever trying to save my aunts and uncles from their "evil" political views with shouting, screaming tirades that last for at least an hour on average.
My (British) boyfriend has about six different rare medical disorders. In summary-he has little to no collagen so he's very bendy and has very stretchy skin, his nervous system and mitral valve are screwed, his heart beats twice the rate of a normal person's and he has a bit of OCD and depression because of being incurably ill and in pain all the time. But there's good news-it's all serious but it won't kill him, which means that he will live a decently long life. This is relevant for later.
Boyfriend has been to the US twice already. Dad was nothing but sweet and kind and polite to boyfriend was here-comforted me when I was broken hearted after he left-then turned into nasty old grouch a few weeks later, bringing up small things that boyfriend did that dad didn't like. Dad didn't like boyfriend bought me a half dozen red roses for my birthday; dad didn't like I spent so much time with boyfriend, dad threw a fit when I closed the door once when boyfriend was here and screamed I'd turn into my slutty cousin who has 3 kids by 3 different fathers because most Canadians don't believe in marriage because of their evil socialist society; dad flipped his shit when he found out my mother drove me to the hotel early one morning so we could have our *ahem* "last goodbyes" in peace.
Dad has held a hell of a grudge for a year and a half now since boyfriend last came; for what is basically a very small reason-boyfriend didn't say goodbye to him.
At Logan, mom and dad decided to ditch us to go downstairs to get some coffee so we could be alone together. They did this half an hour before the boarding time. At 15 minutes before boarding, they still weren't back up, so we went to find them. They weren't there. Because of the POTS, boyfriend has a tendency to panic very easily-heart thudding out of his chest, sweat, blood pressure skyrocketing, the works. It took a phone call to his mum and me beside him trying to calm him down to get him calm again. Mom and dad saunter back and immediately insist they were there; we didn't look hard enough. Whatever. At a minute before boarding time, boyfriend is standing at the gated off area, we are kissing and hugging and I'm crying like a leaky faucet, boyfriend is trying not to cry and disappears before he can. Mom and dad are near the wall talking between them and a minute after boyfriend's gone through the gate, come up and demand to know why boyfriend is gone already, why couldn't he have said goodbye to them too.
Like him standing at the gate with his bags in hand, hugging me is NOT a big enough clue that he's about to leave me and you should stop talking and come over? Maybe it was a faux pas of his, I don't know.Mum has forgiven him, but dad? Oh no. He's chosen to make this a major drama. He has screamed at both my mother for forgiving boyfriend and me for loving him in the first place. I was told that boyfriend is a pedophile ala Neil Entwhistle (oh did I get a nice scathing note the day after that story broke out that said that boyfriend is cut from the same cloth; if anyone wants me to scan it I'll try to find it), boyfriend is a mama's boy, his family is a bunch of uneducated backwater hillbillies and boyfriend is an utter loser for not going to university, boyfriend will never live in the US, he will drag me back to the UK kicking and screaming and I will be so unhappy there because of their awful socialist/communist society and I will rot there because I will have no freedom, I will own no car nor own my own house or even have the right to breathe without being taxed and god help me if I talk with my American accent because I'll attract anti-American idiots by the dozens who will kidnap me, torture me, rape me and leave me for dead the minute I get off the plane; I will have no job, no hope of advancement and will hate everything about the weather and the food and the Queen and how eventually boyfriend will drop me for another piece of ass because I'm now "ruined" and therefore unmarriageable and I will be full of nothing but regret, regret, regret; or if boyfriend does marry me, I will be full of despair living in the UK tied to my brick. If I go to the UK alone, I will have "dire consequences", whatever those are, because I'm a little, vulnerable girl who will be preyed on; but if I bring Best Friend to the UK, it's somehow OK to dump her in a country where she will know no one and will be left alone for however many days the vacation will last because she's "stronger" since she's about a foot taller than me. Dad is refusing to come pick up boyfriend when he's coming back in a couple weeks, refuses to pay for anything, refuses to feed him on "my dime", which includes mum's cooking, refuses to look at him, talk to him or say anything but curse words and insults. Dad has planned a "talk" with boyfriend. A "talk" that I will make sure I am invited to.
Mom has worked on him, his sisters have worked on him his brothers have worked on him, his sisters-and brothers-in-law have worked on him, telling him to reconsider, to stop being so controlling, to make him realize that I have my own choices and I need freedom to make my own choices. Haha, nope. My family has been warning him that this will turn out exactly like it is with my uncle (dad's brother), that I will be cut out of his life completely, my children ignored, insulted and cursed for being devil spawn or some other bullshit, just as it is with my uncle and one of his daughters. Poor daughter didn't marry a guy my uncle approved of; as a result he has cursed that side of the family and even forbidden my poor aunt from ever seeing her daughter or grandchildren.
Boyfriend's family is beyond appalled; they're insulted that dad would even think such a thing. I asked dad what he would say if boyfriend's dad tried the same thing; he responded to the effect "he can do what he likes, but I'm still not going to change my mind". I'm just baffled at this complete bumfuckery. Dad knows I love boyfriend, dad knows that I want this asshattery to stop so boyfriend can enjoy being with me in peace but dad refuses to stop. Boyfriend suspects dad is yanking my chain; I know he isn't because dad is not this deadly serious or stubborn when he's teasing.
Dad is currently flipping his shit over the fact boyfriend plans to buy an iPad for himself and an iPod classic for me as a graduation/birthday/anniversary present when he comes here and that mom is taking us and Best Friend to Foxwoods because us "kids" have never been; this just proves that boyfriend is irresponsible with his money; (boyfriend just bought a Nexus One last month) and he spends his hard earned pay on "fucking gadgets" and I will painfully divorce him a year after we married because we'll fight about money. Well, because of boyfriend's EDS, it makes it harder and harder for him to use a regular mouse and keyboard without dislocating something, so an iPad is a godsend. So is the Nexus One with the touchscreen. This is for boyfriend's comfort plus boyfriend likes shiny new toys.
I really want dad to stop being an asshat in the end and that he tolerates boyfriend, if not loving him. I want dad to get it through his head that I will probably not move to the UK, I want to get my master's in a few years and work in the publishing industry in a recognized publishing house here in the US, but I want to visit the UK before I make any decisions. It's just a constant barrage of "I hate, I don't want, you will regret, your boyfriend, his father, his mother, his brother is/are <insert negative adjective here>", etc, etc, etc.
JUST STOP.
Your BF sounds to be coping fantastically with his conditions, from experience I know the hypermobility disorders are a pain to live with so living with the rest too... well, all I can say is he must be one hell of a guy 
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