I could really use a hug....

[ArcticChicken]

I'm so fucking scared and miserable right now.

I'm not exactly sure where to start, so you'll have to excuse me if this is a little incoherent.

Background:
I've never been one to make friends easily, I've always had one or two close friends, and a bunch of people I'll hang out with if we happen to be in the same place.

In 2004 I moved from upstate NY to Philly to live with my aunt, mostly in order to get out of my Mom's house. While I do love her, it is impossible for us to be in the same place for more than about two weeks without getting into nasty fights.

Right now I have three people I count as friend, which is a record high for me.

In September I started dating one of them, and I have never been happier. We click in all the right places, but we're still different enough that it doesn't feel like talking to myself. He is the only person I've felt comfortable crying in front of in as long as I can remember, and he's the reason I can let myself cry as I'm typing instead of trying to keep it all inside and making it worse. We're completely in love, and we're gonna get married someday. He's the light in my life right now, not because I'm scary and dependent, but because the rest of my life really sucks.

[/background]

In January my mom came for a visit. She took my BF and I out to breakfast, and told me that we were going to have a meeting with my aunt that evening. I asked her if it was anything I should be worried about, but she assured me that it wasn't, they just wanted to talk about where we I was headed with my life. We made plans to go out dancing afterwards.

At the meeting she told me that my aunt was going into debt for me and that if I didn't have a better job by June, I'd have to move back in with one of my parents.

I was completely and utterly floored. The thing is, I had no idea that the money I was able to give my aunt from my shitty retail job that I hated wasn't enough to match the expense of having me live with her. Yeah, I wanted to be able to give her more money, but that was because I wanted to pay her at least a token rent, not just room and board.

I don't really remember the details of the rest of the conversation because I was in a haze of shock and rage and fear.

I spent the rest of the evening sobbing into my boyfriends shoulder, and it was all I could do to stay civil to my mother the rest of the weekend.

My aunt did confide in me that she hadn't meant my mother to take such a hard tack, and June was a little more of a guideline than a hard and fast deadline.

Now it's approaching the end of the first week in May, and I've had two interviews which seemed promising, but nothing came of them.

It's been nearly a month since I got enough sleep on a weeknight, I've been worrying so much.

My entire life is here, the thought of having to move back to upstate NY makes me want to scream, makes me cry. It feels like the end of the world. I literally can't picture life after June if I can't stay here. I feel like someone has hold of my soul and is slowly ripping it out of me.

[ottid]

Oh !

I wish I could help on the other side of the globe. I will send good thoughts over to you, and your prospective employers Best of luck!

[Plaidman]

1: Tons and tons of hugs
2: Look, first off it just a guideline. Meaning she likely give you more leeway if your at least looking and trying very hard.
3: While I stress NOT getting a credit card, really, last resort. Seriously ask your mom and dad if you cant borrow some money longterm wise to help aunt out for another month or so. That will give you more time.
4: Maybe your boyfriend can loan some money too.

That being said, don't act like not being in the same city is going to ruin your relationship. You both love each other. Is long distance relationships hard? Oh fuck yeah. Sometimes impossible. But it can be done. If anything, you have to stay for a few weeks as you save what you can up, and get a better job to get back. It be hard, but its doable, and even then, its littary like a last ditch, nothing left worst case sceanariy, you know?

Have faith, keep looking, do what you can. Have a talk with your ma and dad about having a long term loan, say like, 500 bucks or something, that you'll pay off at 20 bucks a month, if you dont have a better job soon. Natuarlly the btter job will allow you to give both aunt and parents more money.

Not saying they can afford that much, but maybe. Look, don't give up. There are ways to fix everything with enough help. Anything is possible for you.

[Mishi]

Good luck with the interviews!

[Taboo]

*biiiiiiiiig hugs!!*

I would sit down with your Aunt if you haven't yet and ask her how much more money it would be to be breaking even at least. Just so that you know.

I'm sure you can figure something out. Don't count out the jobs just yet, for one thing. Get a more definite move-out date too if you can, again just so you have all the cards on the table so to speak. Is it possible for you to pick up a second part-time job right now, even something as informal as babysitting? If you're not much under the amount your aunt needs, then that might be enough. Also, jobwise, I think they might still be hiring for the census if you haven;'t looked into that yet.

If worst comes to worst and you do have to move back, you WILL survive. Will you be miserable? Possibly, but you'll survive. But.... are you any more likely to get a good job there than you are where you're currently living? If you're not, then that's really not a good solution and you'd be better off borrowing money or having your parents make up the difference to your aunt for a couple of months until you get a better job where you are. So if your opportunities aren't any better up there, that's something to think about.

Good luck, though.

[Magpie]

No advice, just hugs.

[Aethian]

*snugs hard and holds* It will be okay. Just take a deep breath and get a good nights rest. Nothing turns off potentional employers more then meeting with someone who is jumpy and stressed out.

Could you try a part time job at a fast food joint?

[taxguykarl]

good luck with the job hunt.

[MaggieTheCat]

Can you move in with your boyfriend, or one of your other good friends? Could three or even four of you find a place to rent together, to cut down on expenses?

As others have suggested, can you get a second part-time job instead of another job all together?

Have you talked to your aunt about this without your mom around? How is she possibly going into debt because of you? What does she do for you that is costing so much money? If you are just renting a room out of a house/apartment she already owns/rents, I'm having trouble seeing how you staying there is causing her debt, unless you're only paying her like $20/week (which I'm sure you're not.) Does she pay for cell phone bills, car bills, stuff like that for you?

As someone pointed out, moving back to NY without a job lined up is not a good idea, especially if you're leaving your current job and going with nothing else lined up. That's completely counter-productive and you should explain to your mom and your aunt that you want to avoid that if at all possible. It's a lot harder to interview for jobs when you're several hundred miles away from the area you're interviewing in, so you should continue to focus on getting a secondary job or a new job all together in PA.

Other than that, lots of hugs and some cookies.

[tropicsgoddess]

[ArcticChicken]

That being said, don't act like not being in the same city is going to ruin your relationship

Oh, I know it won't ruin our relationship, I'll just be miserable.

Does she pay for cell phone bills, car bills, stuff like that for you?

Yeah, the way our arrangement works, she pays for food, electricity, etc. and I pay her.


Thanks, guys, I'm feeling a bit better now. It's really hard to deal with at night, darkness, bleh.

I'll talk to my folks about paying my way for a little while, 'cause when I think about it, there really is very little difference between my moving home and them paying my bills until I get a job and my staying here and them paying my bills until I get a job.

[BookstoreEscapee]

'll talk to my folks about paying my way for a little while, 'cause when I think about it, there really is very little difference between my moving home and them paying my bills until I get a job and my staying here and them paying my bills until I get a job.

That's what I was thinking. If they are willing/can afford to have you move back in with them, why can't they just help with some of the expenses where you're living now? It makes more sense than to have you leave your whole life and try to find a job. At least where you are you already have a job. Unless you can transfer to a location in NY, you might just make things worse on that front.

I agree with [whoever said it] that you should talk to your aunt and find out exactly what the expenses are and what kind of contribution you'll need to make in the future.

For the record, re: Plaid's suggestion of borrowing money from your boyfriend, I would suggest avoiding that if at all possible. I've been down that road (I was the one lending the money) and it was a bad idea. We broke up 4+ years ago and I'm still trying to get my money back. Not saying you wouldn't pay him back but it puts a strain on a relationship; unless you're married or seriously living together, combining finances in any way is just asking for trouble. (If you do end up having to go that route, set up a payment agreement in writing.)

[Exaspera]

[[[[[[[[[[HUGS]]]]]]]]]]

[dendawg]

don't act like not being in the same city is going to ruin your relationship. You both love each other. Is long distance relationships hard? Oh fuck yeah. Sometimes impossible. But it can be done.

Quoted for truth. Take it from someone who's currently in an LDR. It can hurt like hell, but it can be done.

[ArcticChicken]

Thank you guys soooo much! I had a chat with my aunt, and she told me she wasn't gonna kick me out any time soon. Of course I still need to work on the job thing, but I don't have to worry about uprooting my life.

I cannot tell you how much better I feel.

<insert happy dance here>