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So...I am the luckyest man alive, I think 
I was mowing the lawn today and something happened that scared me a little bit. We own a flymo. Americans; you may not know what those are, I know they are banned certainly for domestic ownership in some, if not all states. This is mainly because America thinks they are dangerous.
The way a flymo works is similar to a hovercraft (Where it takes it's design from) The blades underneath spin like a propeller on a plane, cutting the grass and creating enough of a cushion of air under the skirt that the mower floats above the ground. They are light and easy to manuver once they are airborne so they are ideal for small gardens, old people, and lazy bums like me. Plus, because they don't have the rotating cutting blades of death that others do, they are a LOT safer.
One thing I have learned from experience is it's a good idea to just take a quick walk across the lawn and move anything that could get in the way. If there's cat shit there, the mower will pick it up and fling it everywhere. Ever heard the phrase "The shit hit the fan"? ...Yeah. You also need to make sure there are no stones around because they have a nasty tendency to pick rocks up and throw them. Usually at the operator, windows or passing cars. Never at the fucking wall where it won't do any harm.
Anyway, I was happily mowing away at our front garden, looking like a lunatic to our neighbours because I had my iPod in my ears and was singing along to it (The glee cast version of Don't Stop believin' if you are interested) Next thing I hear is a small bump, then an almighty bang from the lawn mower and I feel fresh air around my junk.
My first thought is "Shit, it's thrown a rotor blade at me and I just can't feel the pain yet" I put my hand at my crotch, I can feet a small hole in both my jeans and underwear, missing the end of my dick by about 1/4 an inch but I can't feel any blood. Upon closer examination behind my car I find I'm fine, not leaking any fluids. Thankfully.
I go back to the mower and turn it upside down and find the blades are intact but there's 2 small holes about 5mm across in the casing of the lawnmower and the mower won't start because through the casing I can see bare copper from the wiring. Great, but now I have to look and find out what caused the bang. I didn't have to look very far. I turned backtowards the house to unplug the mower and caught somthing in the corner of my eye. I bent down, picked it up and found it to be what was left of an Allen key. It was pretty chewed up and had been chopped in half but it was still identifiable.
What stumped me is no one can identify who it belongs to. My neighbour had another neighbour around doing some plumbing work for her. I asked Mick and was told he didn't have any Allen keys on him today. I asked the other neighbour, mark, who tends to repair cars right close to where I had been cutting the grass when I was nearly castrated and he doesn't use Allen keys, they are too slippery. I showed it to my dad and he pointed out that all his allen keys are black
Ownership of the allen key be damned...I'm just glad to still have a dick.
I was mowing the lawn today and something happened that scared me a little bit. We own a flymo. Americans; you may not know what those are, I know they are banned certainly for domestic ownership in some, if not all states. This is mainly because America thinks they are dangerous.
The way a flymo works is similar to a hovercraft (Where it takes it's design from) The blades underneath spin like a propeller on a plane, cutting the grass and creating enough of a cushion of air under the skirt that the mower floats above the ground. They are light and easy to manuver once they are airborne so they are ideal for small gardens, old people, and lazy bums like me. Plus, because they don't have the rotating cutting blades of death that others do, they are a LOT safer.
One thing I have learned from experience is it's a good idea to just take a quick walk across the lawn and move anything that could get in the way. If there's cat shit there, the mower will pick it up and fling it everywhere. Ever heard the phrase "The shit hit the fan"? ...Yeah. You also need to make sure there are no stones around because they have a nasty tendency to pick rocks up and throw them. Usually at the operator, windows or passing cars. Never at the fucking wall where it won't do any harm.
Anyway, I was happily mowing away at our front garden, looking like a lunatic to our neighbours because I had my iPod in my ears and was singing along to it (The glee cast version of Don't Stop believin' if you are interested) Next thing I hear is a small bump, then an almighty bang from the lawn mower and I feel fresh air around my junk.
My first thought is "Shit, it's thrown a rotor blade at me and I just can't feel the pain yet" I put my hand at my crotch, I can feet a small hole in both my jeans and underwear, missing the end of my dick by about 1/4 an inch but I can't feel any blood. Upon closer examination behind my car I find I'm fine, not leaking any fluids. Thankfully.
I go back to the mower and turn it upside down and find the blades are intact but there's 2 small holes about 5mm across in the casing of the lawnmower and the mower won't start because through the casing I can see bare copper from the wiring. Great, but now I have to look and find out what caused the bang. I didn't have to look very far. I turned backtowards the house to unplug the mower and caught somthing in the corner of my eye. I bent down, picked it up and found it to be what was left of an Allen key. It was pretty chewed up and had been chopped in half but it was still identifiable.
What stumped me is no one can identify who it belongs to. My neighbour had another neighbour around doing some plumbing work for her. I asked Mick and was told he didn't have any Allen keys on him today. I asked the other neighbour, mark, who tends to repair cars right close to where I had been cutting the grass when I was nearly castrated and he doesn't use Allen keys, they are too slippery. I showed it to my dad and he pointed out that all his allen keys are black
Ownership of the allen key be damned...I'm just glad to still have a dick.
When stuff like that happens to me, I like to talk about it in such a way that it makes it funny for other people...even though when I went behind my car to pull my trousers down, My heart was running a little fast ;D
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