What's up with all these lingerie showers

[Magpie]

Ok, I understand the point of a lingerie shower, in that it's part of a long tradition of embarrassing the couple while fussing over them. And that most hostesses have the sense to not give the bride a chance to turn it down/most brides are too polite to do so. However, none of that explains the ones that I've been invited to.

At least for this one I'm a friend of the couple, rather than being invited through the bride's parents. However, I know them through the groom, and really haven't met the bride. (The confusion after a friend commits suicide isn't really good for making friends.)

*sigh* I really wish I was a guy. I don't like risque stuff, and as a woman that seems to be the only thing that is done around weddings. We like go-kart and disc golf and other good fun that you can tell your kids about too.

[Squeaksmyalias]

I dislike showers in general. If I ever get married I told my friends no showers. Only fun stuff, like mini golf or going to the zoo. No need to sit around and ooh and aah over gifts. There should be cake, but I think cake is needed for any event.

[AdminAssistant]

The lingerie showers I've been to have also served as bachelorette parties, where the ladies (or gay male friends) can "ooh" and "aah" over pretty lingerie, make dirty jokes, and drink girly cocktails with penis-shaped straws and eat penis shaped cake, with cream filling, of course! If you don't know the bride that well, you can't go wrong with a Victoria's Secret gift card. Assuming that they gave the bride's size on the invite, you could also get a simple negligee or a cute pj set.

Also, I have never heard of parents attending, let alone throwing, a lingerie shower for the bride. I'd just as soon not have Mom know what I'm going to be wearing when I'm getting my freak on in the bedroom.

[trailerparkmedic]

Do they not do normal bridal showers in Canada? You know, thrown by the maid of honor and sometimes the bridesmaids, where you play some cheesy games and the bride gets householdy gifts she registered for?

Not everyone does crazy bachelorette parties. Mine on the other hand....

[Magpie]

Oh, they have normal bridal showers. As well as regular mixed wedding showers (if I had to suffer so did he). I just don't understand why I'm getting invited to the lingerie showers. And this one I don't feel obligated to send a gift. I know that if you're invited to the shower you're supposed to, but there was no alternative to lingerie given. And the hostess wasn't very on the ball - no mention made of the bride's size, or if she'd prefer something like the aforementioned Victoria's Secret gift card, or something which can be redeemed at a brick-and-mortar store.

[42_42_42]

I threw a traditional bridal shower for a friend. Some of her other friends were planning a bachelorette for a later date. My mom, bride's future SIL (who is quite a bit older than bride and groom) and future MIL, and my MIL were all at the shower, but not invited to the bachelorette (which, given the age disparities makes total sense, plus who wants do typical bachelorette type stuff with their future MIL?). So we get to the part where the brides is opening presents and her future SIL and MIL each gave her some really slutty lingerie. It was extremely awkward. Everyone else had brought kitchen/household type stuff off of the bridal registry. Future SIL and MIL were even talking about bride wearing the stuff on the honeymoon and other stuff along that line. Ick! Ick! Ick! They even said something about photos! Ew!!!!!! Friend ended up returning the items. There was no way she was going to wear that stuff....talk about a romance killer. "Oh, honey do you like this teddy? Your MOM and SISTER picked it out for me!"

[AdminAssistant]

As well as regular mixed wedding showers (if I had to suffer so did he).

Umm, am I the only one who likes big parties where I get presents? I know it can be overwhelming, but...what's wrong with wedding showers?

[BookstoreEscapee]

I would not be comfortable with a lingerie shower. No thank you.

I've been to showers where the bride got one or two items of lingerie, generally from a sister or close friend, but having a party just for that...just, no.

And I don't think you are necessarily obligated to give a gift for every shower just because you are invited, especially if you don't know the bride very well (even more so if there is a regular bridal shower that you are also giving a gift for). Send your regrets for the shower, and give a nice gift for the wedding.

[Mishi]

I don't understand them either, but the ones I go to are just parties rather then showers of some description. Tupperware bridal showers seem to be the go amongst my social group. One of my friends had a tupperware one for church friends and friends of her family, and then a lingerie one for her friends. I had a tupperware bridal shower that I only found out about when I went to my best friend's house, walked in and discovered that my mother had 'forgotten' to invite me!

Sex toy parties are all the rage over here... I don't mind going to one with my friends, but i'm never, ever going to one with my husband's cousins.

[Magpie]

I know it can be overwhelming, but...what's wrong with wedding showers?

It's not merely a party where people are giving me presents, but a party where the point of it is people giving me presents? I don't merely have people giving gifts, but a fuss being made over them, and everyone seeing what was given. (I think that it's the fuss over it that makes it worse, I survived the brunch because most people were just chatting instead of watching).

(even more so if there is a regular bridal shower that you are also giving a gift for). Send your regrets for the shower, and give a nice gift for the wedding.

Oh, I don't know either side nearly well enough to be invited to a shower. I was just a classmate of the groom's. We're friends, I wasn't originally expecting to be invited to the wedding. (And yes, when I found out I was invited I increased the gift that we were getting them).

[AriGriffin]

I hate being put on the spot. I dred Christmas, birthdays, and other gift-giving occasions where I am the focus of all the attention. I would not be comfortable attending a lingerie shower, nor would I buy that kind of item for someone. I don't like it when people give me clothes because they always end up giving me something that either doesn't fit properly, is a style I hate, or the garment is uncomfortable.

[Seshat]

Umm, am I the only one who likes big parties where I get presents? I know it can be overwhelming, but...what's wrong with wedding showers?

Magpie (and I) have discussed having social anxieties and Aspergers' Syndrome symptoms in other threads. So for her, and for me, Big Party With Focus On Me is horrifying and terribly, terribly frightening.

Obviously, for you, it's not.

[AdminAssistant]

Magpie (and I) have discussed having social anxieties and Aspergers' Syndrome symptoms in other threads. So for her, and for me, Big Party With Focus On Me is horrifying and terribly, terribly frightening.

Obviously, for you, it's not.

Nope. But then again, I have a bad case of "Neglected Youngest Child Syndrome," so I love when I can actually take part in something for me.

Do whatever you like for your own wedding; I do not care one bit. Obviously, if you get anxious easily, a big shower is not for you. But please don't rain on somebody else's parade. If they want to have a crazy, fun, phallic-object-filled lingerie shower, it's probably because that's their idea of fun. If it makes you uncomfortable, but you've been invited, then send your best wishes and a card.

[Magpie]

Sorry, Admin Assistant. I didn't realise that this was being taken as an attack on the brides. I was more questioning the hostesses of the showers. (Remember that showers aren't something that the bride gets any say in.) My complaints were supposed to be specifically that I was getting invited when I oughtn't have been invited. And especially if it's supposed to be an embarrass-the-bride event (which would normally be for the bachelorette party more, but not always) I'd expect the hostess to have somewhat more discretion.

Oh, and Seshat - it's the presents. The party just makes it worse . (Or you could say that yes, I have issues with parties, although because it's a shower it's all family, and I'm use to them, but having presents makes it worse).

[AdminAssistant]

Sorry, Admin Assistant. I didn't realise that this was being taken as an attack on the brides. I was more questioning the hostesses of the showers. (Remember that showers aren't something that the bride gets any say in.) My complaints were supposed to be specifically that I was getting invited when I oughtn't have been invited. And especially if it's supposed to be an embarrass-the-bride event (which would normally be for the bachelorette party more, but not always) I'd expect the hostess to have somewhat more discretion.

Well, if you don't know the bride all that well, then, yes, it's really strange that you were invited to a lingerie shower. (There are those who invite lots of people just to get more presents, which is just tacky.) Ditto for those of you who have mentioned parents or future in-laws being there - weird.

I hope that they aren't throwing something like this just to embarrass the bride. If the bride is someone that wouldn't be comfortable getting lingerie from close friends, then they shouldn't throw a lingerie shower. Take it on a bride-by-bride basis.

I guess it's because I'm so excited about the fact that I know my SO is going to ask soon, and the thought of a wedding and all that goes with it is very exciting to me. (And yes, I am more excited about the thought of spending the rest of my life with a wonderful guy that I love very much.) So, seeing all these recent posts with people saying that showers, medium-sized weddings, engagement rings, and so on are just silly wastes of money (and the fact that I want all of those things).....just got me down a bit, I guess. It wasn't fair of me to pick on you, Magpie, and for that I'm sorry. If a bigger wedding with all the accoutrement is not for you, great! But some of us still have dreams of tulle and flowers and cakes and......