What's up with all these lingerie showers

[trailerparkmedic]

(Remember that showers aren't something that the bride gets any say in.)

Traditionally, but I've yet to attend a shower that the bride (or mother to be) didn't have some say in, even if it was just to say "I don't care, you all plan it."

[Magpie]

Traditionally, but I've yet to attend a shower that the bride (or mother to be) didn't have some say in, even if it was just to say "I don't care, you all plan it."

'Some' say generally doesn't extend to "no, you can't throw one". Ask me how I know . (Actually that's unfair. My SIL wanted to throw a lingerie shower for me, but she made the mistake of phrasing one of her comments as a question. I'm not sure how she planned on having one of those though - you really can only invite women. Given how badly my clothing choices represent my size I should be double glad - the pyjama top she and MIL got me has been put away until I need maternity clothes).

[fireheart]

This sounds like an interesting concept....having a lingerie shower for the bride.

Most of the hen's nights (AND bucks nights) down here involve strippers. Also to a lesser extent, bucks nights usually involve something humiliating for the groom.

I DO know of some women who will do a life drawing class or a pole dancing class. I'd love to do the pole dancing class

[Solumina]

I get really anxious being the focus of so many people's attention and I love my MOH to death for thinking about that and planning three small bridal showers so that there wouldn't be too much stress for me, and even going the extra length in telling everyone that it is because she wanted to do themed parties, thankfully none of them are lingerie parties as that would really not be my thing, though everyone is different so I'm sure some people love them. When I picked M as my MOH it was because she has always been my most beloved friend but I was a little worried that planning wouldn't really be her thing (she can be a total space cadet) but she has really stepped up and I have been
quite impressed.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I would have no problem being the center of attention at a regular shower. I just wouldn't want to be opening lots of gifts of lingerie and/or sex toys. Those are not things I care to share with my friends or family, tyvm.

[Rapscallion]

What's up with them is that I've not been invited.

Hrumph!

Rapscallion

[AdminAssistant]

What's up with them is that I've not been invited.

Hrumph!

Rapscallion

When/if I have one, I will be sure to send you an invite.

[penniless student]

I'm a Brit, and the concept of showers is something that we don't really have over here. At least, nobody that I know! People give gifts at the wedding, but only then. You might get a card when you announce your engagement but that's all. Do people not give gifts at the wedding then? It seems weird to me that they would give presents on more than one occasion but still related to the wedding.

I did hear of a friend of a friend who had a baby shower though. That's not common here either though.

[trailerparkmedic]

Oh, you're expected to give gifts at the wedding, too. And usually something at the bachelorette party.

And my friend wonders why I mentioned that her wedding was making me broke!

[Magpie]

Heck, the daughter of my parent's friend (who I played with growing up, to put our ages in perspective) had TWO hen showers - I was invited to the lingerie shower, and to a "regular" hen shower. (I'm assuming the reason that neither my husband nor my father were invited was that it was women-only). I didn't bother sending a gift to the second one, because whoever planned that one didn't bother to ensure that there were no duplicate invitations.

I think that part of it is that it's considered "mandatory" for there to be a shower for the friends of the couple (or just of the bride). And so it is now something that is very special and very important, and the person throwing the shower wants to make sure that it turns out. No one can be omitted, and you want to make sure that there are enough people there. Hence inviting people who don't need to be invited - better to have too many than to offend someone by not inviting them. I'm still not sure why this happens with lingerie showers though. Like BSE said, that isn't the sort of thing that you share with the majority of your friends. (And then on top of that you get the issue of the person who doesn't know the bride well enough to know what would offend.)

[fireheart]

Oh, you're expected to give gifts at the wedding, too. And usually something at the bachelorette party.

And my friend wonders why I mentioned that her wedding was making me broke!

In Australia, the bride usually gives her bridesmaids a small gift as a thank-you for being her attendants. This is normally done at the hen's night or prior to the wedding. The guests usually get a small memento of the wedding as well (usually lollies of some description, although my neighbour's eldest son gave my dad a piece of the wedding cake when he got married)

[Solumina]

See around here the you don't have to do a wedding gift if you give one at a shower and the shower gifts are the "need" gifts (like glasses, towels, that sort of thing) and the "fun" gifts are left for the wedding. The other thing that I have been told is odd that we do is that after the shower the gifts go back with the bride's mother until the couple comes back from the honeymoon. Since the gifts are meant to be for the couple to start their home together. Things start getting a bit confusing these days as a rather large portion of people move in well before the wedding, case in point: the two of us have been living together for over 2 years. Seems like there are a lot of different ideas of how everything that has to do with weddings goes.

[Magpie]

In Australia, the bride usually gives her bridesmaids a small gift as a thank-you for being her attendants. This is normally done at the hen's night or prior to the wedding. The guests usually get a small memento of the wedding as well (usually lollies of some description, although my neighbour's eldest son gave my dad a piece of the wedding cake when he got married)

We do both of those here too. Weddings in North America are really really big-budget affairs. There was so much of the "this goes completely against what we believe in" stuff that couldn't be eliminated because people would be offended. (Offending people defeats the purpose of having a wedding and reception anyhow).

[trailerparkmedic]

In Australia, the bride usually gives her bridesmaids a small gift as a thank-you for being her attendants. This is normally done at the hen's night or prior to the wedding. The guests usually get a small memento of the wedding as well (usually lollies of some description, although my neighbour's eldest son gave my dad a piece of the wedding cake when he got married)

They do that here. I'm just still a bit bitter that my bridesmaid gift (for the bride that made me broke) was tacky and something she should have known I and several of the other bridesmaids would hate. Actually, I'm still a bit bitter about that whole experience so just ignore me there.

It's also not uncommon for brides to pay for the dresses for the bridesmaids. I've heard of some who do that in lieu of a gift and some who do it in addition to a gift. When I was in my cousin's wedding, she bought our dresses and also gave us small gifts, but the dresses were very cheap as far as weddings go.

Edit: I forgot, I should mention I'm in the south. I know in the northeast (especially New York), traditionally you give the householdy gift for the shower and money at the wedding.

[AdminAssistant]

For my sister (I haven't been to many weddings, and hers is my best experience), a lot of people made their "gift" some sort of contribution to the wedding. One person made a fruit stack, someone else made other assorted food, one person volunteered to keep an eye on all the kiddies, and one of our long-time neighbors served as a "wedding planner," basically just keeping everyone on schedule and making sure BIL didn't see Sis before the reveal.

I am from the south, and this was in Baptist church, and nobody knows how to throw a wedding like Southern Baptists. My sister had SEVEN showers - granted, most people were only invited to one or two. There was: the family shower, a church shower, one at her work, one at his work, a couple shower thrown by friends, a recipe shower, and her lingerie shower. The showers were where she got more of the practical gifts - most of her cookware came from the recipe shower, for example. Wedding gifts tended to be money, the dishes (from out-of-town relatives), etc. I was her MOH, and even I was run ragged from dashing to showers once or twice a week during the buildup to the wedding. (No, she didn't ask for that many showers, people wanted to throw them for her.)

IIRC, and I so rarely do, she bought our dresses and gave us the jewelry she wanted us to wear, along with a monogrammed pocket mirror. The groomsmen got bags with token gifts (can't remember) and black socks (so they wouldn't have any excuse for wearing white socks with their tuxes), and they paid to rent all of the tuxes. Although, it's pretty common here for the bride to pick a general color or cut and let the bridesmaids pick out their own dresses. They also paid for a simple lunch for the wedding party, close relatives, and all the people helping with the event (photographer, sound guy, etc).

If you really want to read some wedding craziness, pick up a high-end bridal magazine, like Brides. I was reading one, where a bride complained that she was being expected to feed all of the 'workers' (photographer, baker, DJ, and so on) and the magazine editor actually suggested that she set up a cheaper "staff meal" and serve it in a separate room. I was completely appalled and such bad taste and poor manners.