Hey who wants to help me write?? (advice on a character ability)

[teh_blumchenkinder]

[tl;dr: what's it like to not be able to hear?]

I suppose it's a good thing I can't stop thinking about what I'm (trying) to write. No, it'll most likely never see the store bookshelf-- too much ... well, right now it's very much tied into stuff like music and such, which makes the process of transcribing it very difficult. Not impossible... just close enough!
Ennyweh.
I'm writing a character that's deaf. Well, part of the time. It's complicated, basically he's something of a shapeshifter, and sometimes he's a... he... as well as deaf. It does have something to do with "yeah he has his strong and weak points just like everyone else," and some of it has to do with Awesome^tm. What can I say, I really like him!
So. I know there are people on the board with far more experience with hearing loss and deafness than I-- and I want to know what people know about deafness.
Like... especially if you heard stuff before, what's it like now? What do you want a hearing person to know about you in regards to deafness? (I'll give you a hint as to how I perceive deaf people: Online, I have no idea you're even deaf unless you tell me! in other words, they're like everyone else... just with a different set of challenges and rewards in a few cases in life.)
What's your preferred method of someone communicating with you? How would you want someone to get your attention? What do you notice at certain times of the day, like when you wake up? What do you pay attention to? Do you ever hear stuff in your head, like sounds you remember?
Anything else, along those lines would be awesome.
(If I have offended or touched a nerve, I'm very sorry for the hurt. I want to do this right, and being able to get in a conversation about this helps, rather than just reading books or watching documentaries. I can fish for specific nuggets by asking specific questions, for example.)

[MaggieTheCat]

I am not deaf or even close to hearing impaired, but I did study American Sign Language for a year and worked with some Deaf people while I was learning the language, so I'll try to pass on what I learned during that time.

First, a little background. There are sort of two kinds of hearing impaired people: Deaf (spelled with a capital "D") and deaf (spelled with a lower case "d"). Deaf people are people who were born without hearing, or who lost their hearing very early in life, early enough that they remember little to no sound. deaf people are people who grew up being able to hear (and talk) and somehow lost their hearing later in life. So your character would be considered deaf.

deaf people are sort of outcasts. They don't really fit in a hearing society, because they can't hear and have trouble communicating with hearing people. They also don't really fit in a Deaf society, because a lot of Deaf people don't consider deaf people to really be...deaf. Because a deaf person grew up hearing and speaking, they have a whole different way of life than a Deaf person. Deaf people really have their own society, since they have their own language. Sure, they might be American, or German, or Mexican, or whatever nationality they were born, but they will always associate with another Deaf person more than they ever would with anyone else. That is their true society.

It's very difficult for a deaf person to adapt to being deaf at first, especially if they have total and complete hearing loss. They can probably still speak clearly but if they can't hear anything, they really have no way to understand what other people are saying to them unless the hearing person writes down what they want to say. Just like learning any foreign language is more difficult for adults than it is for children, it's hard for deaf people to learn sign language. It's even harder because their society -- the hearing society -- is made up of about 98% of people who don't know and have no interest in learning sign language. They can learn to read lips, but that is an art in and of itself (one that I certainly never even came close to mastering) and is not 100% accurate. If a deaf person is lucky, they will be able to get some of their friends and family to learn a little sign language. It's entirely possible that the deaf person's friends and family either will be unable or unwilling to take that step, though, leaving the deaf person feeling pretty isolated and lonely.

As far as getting a deaf (or Deaf) person's attention, it's partially personal preference. There are obviously a couple of ways to do so; touching a person's shoulder or arm, or getting into their line of sight and gesturing that you want their attention, are two of the most common ways to get a D/deaf person's attention. Most people are not going to appreciate being grabbed suddenly from behind, but some D/deaf people don't mind if you lightly touch their shoulder or elbow. Some strictly forbid that and will only acknowledge you if they can see you, so you have to get in front of them or at least next to them to get their attention.

As far as stuff like what you would notice when you wake up...I can't really answer that since I'm sure it's different for each person. I do believe I remember learning once, though, that Deaf people generally dream in sign language, whereas deaf people generally dream in "sound", as it were.

[teh_blumchenkinder]

Ah. I knew about the 'culture' aspect, a little-- but I didn't know about Deaf vs. deaf. That's a telling feature to someone (such as myself) whose days are spent trying to decline ancient greek nouns and figuring out complex sentence trees. I knew a little bit about getting attention (yay! now I'm less likely to get punched by a startled person!), but I didn't know exactly how they went about such things. (Now I know more.)
I really didn't connect the whole "hey now you have to speak a different language and if your fiance doesn't want to, then ... what?" That's really depressing to me right now. (See? Right there, something I hadn't considered. Yay!)
Ooh, maybe I can look up some studies on language and dreams-- that seems right up my alley. (Sign being a language like others, but different because it doesn't use sound... blurs the line between dream symbolism and language, don't it? ) A little off base, but maybe it can lead me elsewhere.
I need to go to the library anyway.
Thanks Maggie! (Also, I love Cat on a Hot Tin Roof-- first 'serious movie' I ever loved, age 13.)

[MaggieTheCat]

Haha, I am sad to say that I've never actually seen Cat On A Hot Tin Roof; I took the name Maggie The Cat from a character from the old Gargoyles animated series by Disney (I'm sure they took the name from the movie, though.)

Anyway, yeah, it can be really depressing to a recently deaf person when coming to terms with their hearing loss. There are other ways to communicate besides signing, but no matter what, it's going to be difficult, especially at first, and some people in the deaf person's life are inevitably going to just say "screw it, it's too tough to try and communicate with him now." Fortunately, a lot of people who go deaf later in life retain at least some of their hearing, and there are a lot of ways they can enhance that, with hearing aids or cochlear implants, and some people are able to still lead a life pretty similar to how they were before the hearing loss. It totally depends on how you want to write your character, of course; if he has total hearing loss and can't hear a thing, it will make his life pretty difficult.

Another thing I tried to add to my last post, and lost because my internet was being a pain: A lot of hearing people assume that Deaf people are great at reading/writing English. Hey, they're Deaf, so they can still read and write so they must be really good at it. Not necessarily. American Sign Language is a completely different language from English, and has a very different syntax and sentence structure than English; it's actually more closely related to French in that regard. Therefore, Deaf children who are raised primarily in a Deaf community (go to a Deaf school with other Deaf students and mainly Deaf teachers, and lessons are taught in ASL) often struggle with English because the syntax and grammar are so different. Deaf children who are raised in a primarily hearing environment (go to a hearing school with hearing students) have an easier time of it but it's still harder for them to learn English than it is for most hearing children since they can't speak it. Also, depending on the interpreter and how the parents want the interpreter to interpret lessons, they may sign in either ASL or English syntax sign language. ASL, as I mentioned, is its own language with its own syntax, whereas English syntax sign uses the signs from ASL but uses the syntax from English, which makes it a little easier for a Deaf child to pick up written English.

[Seshat]

It's emotionally very hard - I'm slowly losing my hearing.

The worst part, yes, is the communication thing. My husband is learning Auslan VERY slowly, and wears a moustache. And forgets to look at me when he's speaking.

Also, when lipreading in a group, you don't know who's speaking next! People just start saying stuff, and you'll miss the start of what they're saying while you're looking around to see who's talking.

You miss music, and other pleasant sounds.

You also don't get to hear warning sounds. A car coming up from behind you. A dog barking. A doorbell.