He will never have my forgiveness!

[Misanthropical]

A friend I grew up with who still lives in the state told me my step father said I should forgive him and get right with God. My friend said I must forgive and move on.

I'm sorry, but I have moved on and my step father will never have my forgiveness, even if he does think God forgave him. I don't remember God being there or being the one being hurt, so God's forgiveness means squat to me. Plus, I'm Agnostic, so trying to play the religion card on me isn't going to work.

If my step father does find me and show up on my door step he will meet my friends Smith & Wesson. Do you know where I will put the first bullet?

I want this man to die screaming while I watch and do nothing to help him. Am I angry? Damn right, I'm still angry about what he did and I have every right to be. My step father can take his fake apology and shove it where the sun doesn't shine!

Thank you all for letting me vent! We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

[Amina516]

Oh, Mis...i am so sorry.

I dont know what happened to you. Do whats right for yourself and your family..seems like you already are.

Fudge him. Forget him.

Do you, honey and be happy.

Vent away.

[zombiequeen]

Hey, it's alright, we're here for you to vent to.
Whatever he did, if you cannot forgive him and still feel right about yourself, then don't. I never really did, sure I forgave the dude for being an idiot, but not for what he did to me. You don't have to do either, just what you NEED to do to stay yourself and sane.
You don't need to be preached to for being the victim of someone horrible, and you shouldn't be. Religion is not an excuse for actions, as it seems this person thinks.
If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I'm sure there are others here who feel the same way and want you to feel good about yourself.

[trailerparkmedic]

I don't think some people deserve forgiveness.

Then again, I'm not Christian.

[Magpie]

While you might be able to get by without it, aren't the health benefits of doing so independent of any spiritual/religious affiliation that you might have?

[Misanthropical]

I can forgive honest mistakes and misunderstandings. I can not and will not forgive people who hurt others just for the sake of doing so.

My pain specialist thinks that the pain I am in all the time could have been from the brutal beatings I took as a child at the hands of my step father. That is not counting the other damage and pain that piece of shit did.

My step father lied his way out of being charged with a crime and rubbed it in my face. He only asked for my forgiveness while blaming me (I was a child, not even a teenager when he was hurting me) after the statue of limitations was up.

Now, he has the nerve to tell my friend to tell me to grow up, get over it and forgive him for what he put me through.

The last time I laid eyes on the man I was 13 years old and home alone. He came over (he knew my mother would be gone since they had divorced that year and he still knew her schedule) I had a shot gun in my hands and he started walking towards me. I told him if he took one more step I would kill him on the spot. He turned around and left. I often wonder what would have happened if I just shot the man who caused me so much pain.

Anyway, I don't see a reason to forgive someone just because they want to feel better about themselves.

[Amethyst Hunter]

A friend I grew up with who still lives in the state told me my step father said I should forgive him and get right with God. My friend said I must forgive and move on.

With all due respect to your friend, that isn't his/her place to decide. Especially considering your story. (Personally, I'm with you on this one.)

I'm Agnostic, so trying to play the religion card on me isn't going to work.

Me too. to a fellow agnostic!

If my step father does find me and show up on my door step he will meet my friends Smith & Wesson.

Very good chaps, those two.

Thank you all for letting me vent! We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

This is my regularly scheduled run: Yay ADD!

[Eisa]

I'm entirely with you. That's why I haven't forgiven my ex or my dad.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

I can forgive honest mistakes and misunderstandings. I can not and will not forgive people who hurt others just for the sake of doing so.

My pain specialist thinks that the pain I am in all the time could have been from the brutal beatings I took as a child at the hands of my step father. That is not counting the other damage and pain that piece of shit did.

My step father lied his way out of being charged with a crime and rubbed it in my face. He only asked for my forgiveness while blaming me (I was a child, not even a teenager when he was hurting me) after the statue of limitations was up.

Now, he has the nerve to tell my friend to tell me to grow up, get over it and forgive him for what he put me through.

The last time I laid eyes on the man I was 13 years old and home alone. He came over (he knew my mother would be gone since they had divorced that year and he still knew her schedule) I had a shot gun in my hands and he started walking towards me. I told him if he took one more step I would kill him on the spot. He turned around and left. I often wonder what would have happened if I just shot the man who caused me so much pain.

Anyway, I don't see a reason to forgive someone just because they want to feel better about themselves.

... oh, f*ck that! He shows up again, my car has a big trunk with red lining. The blood won't show.

Your friend is either an idiot, or doesn't know what happened. In any case, it's not their place to tell you who to forgive. That's your own choice. And I think you're making the right one.

People like that don't change, and you're only protecting yourself by NOT forgiving the bastard.

[Mytical]

*hugs* Somethings you just can't ever forgive.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I agree with that. I once had someone suggest to me that I forgive my bullies; I refused to, and I still refuse. Anyone who deliberately causes pain, whether it be physical or mental pain, has to my mind gone beyond the pale of forgiveness.

[Whiskey]

I'm dealing with something similar, Misanthropical. My take might not resonate with you, but it might give you something to think about.

If I ever get a call from a hosptial, my mothers on her dying bed, I'll hang up the phone without a word and continue about my day. If I'm her only living match to an organ she needs to stay alive, she should probably say goodbye to her loved ones, because I wouldn't go under the knife for her. She's not my mother, she holds the same status as any stranger on the street.

Here's something I worked up to over the last couple of years. I've lied awake in bed, fuming. I've cried and tormented myself over the horrible things that happened in my formative years. I've hurt myself, starved myself, put myself in situations no person should be in, all in misguided attempts to cope with my memories. You know what my mom did? She slept in her warm bed, ate breakfast, and ran errands.

I realized me tormenting myself over what happened wasn't going to change what happened. My torment wasn't tormenting her because she never thought about it. She didn't lie awake at night, she didn't cry, she didn't do any of the things I was doing. I was the only one still hurting and obsessing about it.

So I improved. I found ways to use what I knew, how I grew up, to turn my life around. I used the spite, the hate and the vitriol to pull myself out of my slump. I still didn't have self esteem, I didn't feel good, I wasn't happy and I still cried. But I cried while I pulled myself out of the shit. Everyone who stood in my way was some variation of my mother that I had to overcome. Slowly, but surely, I overcame every obstacle.

My mother lived on controlling my life and even after years of not speaking to her, she still controlled my life through my memories. Every time I overcame something, some fear, I took a little bit back of my life. She called me fat, but now I'm the healthiest person in my family. She called me stupid, but my 3.89 GPA begs to differ. She said I'd fail at everything, and I'm currently working in my dream position for my skill set. She said she wouldn't care if I died in a ditch while I was homeless and now a ditch is the last place I'll ever be again.

Spite may not be the best reason to be motivated, but its still a reason. I'm still not okay. It'll be a very long time before I'm okay. I don't forgive her for what she did to me, and what she let happen, but i don't need to. I'm moving onward and upward. The only thing she gave me was the knowledge that in the deepest, darkest pits of hell I am indestructible. If I can survive that, I can survive anything because I'm far more equipped, emotionally and intelligently, than I was as a child.

Lately, I hear she's been asking about me. How I'm doing. I authorized people to give her very basic information, but thats it. If she ever contacts me, I'll inform her that I'll report it as harassment and file a restraining order the next time and end the conversation. And I will.
fuckin long post, okay, sorry. no thread jack. hopefully that made sense or something. idk.

[Misanthropical]

Whiskey, it did make sense and I am glad you over came what your mother did. Are you sure we aren't related?

I know and have known that my mother knew all about what was going on and didn't lift a finger to stop it. She stood by and watched the beatings I took. I heard her talking with him late at night when she thought I was asleep about what he was doing.

I grew up hearing her telling me how I deserved it and how I ruined her life by being a girl instead of a boy like she really wanted.

She told me I looked like a cow (wore a size 6 at the time) and how no man could ever love me since I was so disgusting. I got to hear how any man who paid attention to me was really only interested in her and was just settling for second best.

I agree with you, if she called and needed a new organ or was dying. I would hang up and go about my day. If I heard she died it wouldn't bother me one way or another.

The only good thing I had growing up was very loving grandparents who would have done anything for me, they loved me no matter what. I think my mother and my step father did their best to keep me away from them because they were afraid my grandparents would find out what was going on and take me away. I really wished I had told my grandparents what was going on when I saw them during that time but I was too afraid to talk to anyone about it at the time. They were my bio dad's parents and even though he didn't want to be bothered with me, which is why he had no problem letting some man he never met adopt me, they thought the world of me.

I don't speak of my childhood with my children, since no real good can come of it, but they have figured out something really bad must have happened for me not to want to discuss it. Plus, the warning I have given them about how only evil will come out of looking up "family".

[Red_Dazes]

I'm firmly in agnostic territory, but I was raised fundamentalist christian. So I've had the whole 'forgive those who wrong you', bit shoved down my throat my whole life.

but there is a simple truth that somethings just cannot be forgiven. I had my mother ask me once "Why don't you forgive ____? The bible teaches us about forgiveness." my answer was, if they wanted forgiveness that was between them and whatever god they chose. It had nothing to do with me.

Your step father doesn't deserve forgiveness in my opinion. dieing alone and miserable maybe, but not forgiveness.

[Talon]

Mis,
That wretched cancerous filth-bag has done nothing to earn your forgiveness. I'm an atheist and don't believe in god or gods, but by his logic, should he be the one seeking to "get right with god"? Oh wait that's right, in his eyes he did nothing wrong, but if he did it was all YOUR fault. Fuck that, if he were on fire I wouldn't piss on him. Also, yours and Whisky's "mothers" makes this mommy look good, at least she would die to protect her young.

And quite frankly, your friend out of line for suggesting you should forgive, and WAAAY out of line for relaying messages from the filth-bag. The friend needs a serious check-from-the-neck-up.