End of the year issues

[Mytical]

While mostly a word to those I call friends here, and a bit of thank you to them, it is also an explanation of something for those who don't know me that well.

First to my friends. If it seems I am ignoring anybody, I am sorry. Until mid January I will get more and more withdrawn. If not for the people here I call friends, I would already have entered hermit mode days ago. I've even stopped posting on all but two (and occasionally a third..but rarely) of the forums I visit. Since I visit at least 8..that is a sizable drop in activity. You guys are awesome, I do not want anything I do to hurt you. *hugs* Thank you for being so nice to somebody as hard to get along with as me.

NASH has been acting up, certain people get in the bah humbug spirit around here (Where I live, not on the board) and further depress me..and I won't be able to shake off my depression as easily as normal.

As January rolls around, it is a reminder how useless I actually am. Another year with very little accomplished, another year as a failure. This is not a request for pity, just a statement. Another year of little hope, and another year that I get more ill then before. The only positive is that it is another year I have cheated NASH and survived. Though I am wondering if that is such a positive.

Another year all but maybe two or three of my family ignore me, and the three that don't I think is out of pity. Another year where I will be pretty much be alone for the holidays, for my birthday, and probably even at work on them.

Another year I am unwanted, another year I am an outcast. Yeah, I make an effort to be weird, so I know it is all on me. Another year I fail to stand up to those who hurt me, and another year that those who would use me get what they wanted.

So, I just want my friends to know..it might be harder and harder to talk to me, and I wanted to thank them for putting up with me so far. My impulse is to be a hermit from Nov 1 till mid January..it is a powerful impulse, I am trying to fight it..but I can not promise anything.

To the rest of the forum. If my posts seem less optimistic, less playful, and less well thought out I apologize. If requested I can stop posting till it is over. This forum is full of great people, and I don't want my sub par posts of this time to affect the forum.

Please this is not a request for pity, or anything. Just an explanation.

Edit : If you see your name on my profile as 'friend' the main part of this is to you, though there are others not listed there that it goes out to also.

[Mikkel]

If requested I can stop posting till it is over. This forum is full of great people, and I don't want my sub par posts of this time to affect the forum.

Please don't stay away. Lurk if you don't feel like posting, but at least log on so that we can see that you are alive and online.

[Antisocial_Worker]

What Mikkel said. Although I'm on here a lot and I value everyone here, I rarely make much of an effort to express it... That being said though, I honestly do value everyone here and the people, including you, are the reason this is my favorite site bar none.

Take care of yourself, and if nothing else, come here to lurk. We care about you.

[csquared]

I don't know about other here, but I think that this is a great place to come and vent when needed.

First off, I can't complain about someone venting. Nobody is forcing me to read it. I can skip it if I want. If you want sub par posts, go look up the treads that I have started and note the number of comments. You are doing better that I am. Now, before anyone jumps on me about that, I do know that you can't really measure the quality of a post by the number of comments.

Second, it usually means that I don't have to vent. The is always someone who has gone through something similar that I can relate to. I may not be able to relate to your feeling, but you are not the first to post about the issues you are having. In short, you are not alone, and your comments may help someone else.

Several year ago, I was involved in an event that made me think about my self worth. "What have I done with my life?" "Who is going to remember me?" Everything I had done in my life had been for myself. I started to do work for charities. It made me feel good. I got to meet people. Now it is what I look forward to. May not work for you, but it can't hurt. I have an idea for you (namely because it is one of my favorite charities). PM me if you would like to hear it.

[ArcticChicken]

****HUGS****

[Andara Bledin]

Let me know if you ever need a hug. I've got more than enough to spare.

^-.-^

[DeltaSierra]

* LOTS OF HUGS *

[Eisa]

I understand how you feel, Mytical...that's all I can say. I hope you know I'm your friend and you can have as many hugs and cookies and kitties as you like.

[Mytical]

As if things were not bad enough. Now I am faced with a problem. I'm a torn person right now. I just learned that my father struck my mom. She is going to stay, but I think it is a bad idea. We all know that abusers use the 'it'll never happen again routine'. If she leaves we will probably lose everything, but better that then her getting hurt again.

I can't raise a hand to my father, I was taught better then that. Every fiber of my being is raging against knowing that he struck my mother. I am seeing red, and it is tearing me apart. He has never raised a hand to anybody before this day, even if he uses psychological abuse. I've told mom that she has to get away from him, that she can't believe that it will never happen again. I just don't know what to do.

I can't even look at my father right now without feeling rage. Simply because I was raised that unless 1) They are trying to kill you, 2) They have a weapon..that you never raise a hand in anger against a female. No clue what the heck I am going to do.

[MoonCat]

Mytical, for your mom, please look up what sort of battered-women's resources or help agencies there may be in your area. There is help out there. It may be time for her to leave. They can advise you and her on what to do.

For yourself: I know the feelings of uselessness and non-productiveness. Please don't think that's all you are. I'm still kinda new here, but I have formed impressions of people based on their posts, and for you I always think, "Smart. Funny. Sweet. Kind. Sharp mind. Good friend."

I think it would be a good idea to see a doctor about depression. Pot calling kettle black, here, as I just realized what's causing some of my own problems. I'm going to get help. Please don't give up on yourself, and please keep posting now and then just to say Hi.

[Taboo]

Mytical, for your mom, please look up what sort of battered-women's resources or help agencies there may be in your area. There is help out there. It may be time for her to leave. They can advise you and her on what to do.

Quoted for truth.

Also, *biiiig hugs*. If you have to take time away from posting because it's more stressful, then by all means do so - but people are happy to have you here and listen to venting, don't apologize for being upset in a situation where there are obviously things to be upset about.

I really hope things get better for you.

[Seshat]

Devil's advocate here.

I once struck A (my beloved wife) in rage. It was while my health was ratshit, it was under stress: and it was inexcusable.

I have never done it again. I do not believe I will ever do it again, nor do A and D (my husband).

What makes the difference between me and a typical abuser is that I was and am fighting it. I still get fury-rages, but I've adapted to them. I separate myself from people (and pets) and take them out on pillows. As my physical health has become more tolerable, and as my stresses have reduced, my tendancies to fly into a rage have cleared.

IF (and only if) it was a one-time thing, AND he is working on the situation, then it might be something that can be forgiven.

BUT I know nothing of the specific family, the past history, or any of the etceteras. I'm just offering up one possibility.

[Food Lady]

Smart. Funny. Sweet. Kind. Sharp mind. Good friend.

quoted for truth!!

[shadowpanda]

Mystical, try not to set store by the calendar, just because it has been one calendar year and you don't feel you have made any acheivements, does not mean you have to beat yourself up about it.
Everyone works on different timescales, and tomorrow is a new day.
Try and keep your chin up and we are always prepared to listen on this site

*hugs*

[RootedPhoenix]

*offers cookies and hugs*

We're here and we care lots. You're still valuable, even if you don't feel you've done anything.