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Some days I feel like a terrible person.

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  • #1

    Some days I feel like a terrible person.

    Other Half's mother may be dying. She left a message at her ex-husband's studio apologizing for the crap she pulled and the bullshit she fed him. Then said she's in end-stage liver cancer.

    But we can't confirm this. Other Half hasn't spoken to her in over a year, and isn't friends with her on Facebook. He's tracked down one of her friends, and sent a message asking for details and contact info.

    I'm of several different minds on this.

    One part of me is devastated for him.

    Another is relieved that I don't have to worry about her throwing a fit over not being invited to the wedding (if she's there, his father won't be, and we'd rather have his father).

    Yet another wishes she'd just died and left us not knowing what happened.

    One tiny part of me has been wondering for a long time if she was actually sick, and all her Munchhausen-ish antics have just been her not knowing how to advocate for herself.

    Most of my brain, though, is convinced that all of this is irrelevant, because now we have to figure out some way of getting Other Half to Salt Lake City. And I have *NO* idea how that's going to happen. We're just starting to get our heads above water, and he can't afford to take time off right now (FMLA does not apply as of yet).
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  • #2
    This is a tough situation to be in but now you know, and knowing is half the battle (GI JOE!)

    Im of the mind that he doesn't need to plan a trip until her disease is confirmed (by someone who is not under the mothers sway). And even then, people can live through things for a good long while. I know people who have been in "End stage" something or other for years at a time. Though liver cancer is not good and has a tendency to spread.

    What is this trip for? To say goodbyes? To make up for things? He needs to know what he wants to accomplish in order to avoid getting trapped/feeling bad/etc.

    Also, I dont know that he'd qualify for FMLA. Unless hes taking leave to actively take care of her on a long term basis, FMLA isn't for visiting sick relatives (as far as I know.)

    Im sorry. I hope things become clear for you both.

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    • #3
      She wouldn't have called his father if she weren't at the end. As in, days or weeks.

      I'm thinking of the trip not so much while she's alive, but rather after she's gone, to wrap things up. Unless she's *seriously* apologizing and making amends, there's no reason for him to put himself through the stress of a trip like that. She fucked him over in some really terrible ways.

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      • #4
        As the closest relatives, you may be able to call her doctors and have details you already know confirmed: provided she's okayed it, of course.

        Which, if you *can* do that, provides a positive 'yes', but if you can't, it's not a definite 'no'.
        Seshat's self-help guide:
        1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
        2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
        3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
        4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

        "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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        • #5
          We don't know who her doctors would be. We don't even know if she's still in the same city.

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          • #6
            You're not a terrible person. People can really mess with your mind sometimes. She hurt someone you love, so it's natural to wish that the whole thing was over with.

            I don't think the FMLA would apply once it's all over. I don't see anything in the act about getting time off for bereavement/funeral duties, etc. He should check with his employer about their policies regarding stuff like this, for later. If he doesn't want to visit her now (doesn't sound like he can, since you don't know where she's living), then that gives him time to plan and maybe save up a little money for afterward, if he needs to go take care of any estate duties and whatnot.

            Even though she screwed him over, her being sick/possibly dying is still going to be rough on him. Whatever would be the best thing for him and for you, I hope there's a way to make that happen.
            When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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            • #7
              We still don't have any word. Her friend got back to my fiance, but just to say "oh I'm glad to hear from you, I thought you dropped dead from a heart attack!" WTF?! Where did that come from?

              I'm hoping it's just a misunderstanding. I'm absolutely FUMING over this right now.

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              • #8
                So this disappears like a fart in the wind? /
                "Is it the lie that keeps you sane? Is this the lie that keeps you sane?What is it?Can it be?Ought it to exist?"
                "...and may it be that I cleave to the ugly truth, rather than the beautiful lie..."

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