Overreaction?

[LewisLegion]

Will do.

He didn't knock on the door. Our driveway is down a small alley. I had just parked and gotten out when he pulled into the alley and blocked my car in, then called over to me. He never got out of his car. I had my car between the two of us the entire time.

I also don't live alone, my BFF and her husband live with me. So that's good.

[Kheldarson]

Blocked you in? That just makes it even creepier. This has nothing to do with you putting up barriers, it has to do with you knowing red alert signals.

[Dilorenzo]

Uh, yah, definetely a Goodbye Horses vibe from that. Just watch out if he has a van across the street with a cast on, and asks "Wouldja?"

In serious though? Report him to your boss at the very least.

[MoonCat]

Yes, let HR know, but I would not preface it with any statements about you know he means well. That just waters it down and makes it sound like you aren't really sure about it. Keep it short and simple: "He followed me home, he blocked me in with his car, I DO NOT LIKE THIS and it better not happen again."

[XCashier]

Yes, let HR know, but I would not preface it with any statements about you know he means well. That just waters it down and makes it sound like you aren't really sure about it. Keep it short and simple: "He followed me home, he blocked me in with his car, I DO NOT LIKE THIS and it better not happen again."

This!!!

Plus, you don't know that "he means well". The creeps all say that. They all try to get a woman to feel guilty if she says no, so she'll fall into their snare.

Seriously, this guy is setting off all kinds of red alerts, and I'm not the most socially aware person, nor am I personally involved in this. But women have been taught from day one to be demure, not make a scene, assume the other party means well, etc. And that's what creeps use to hurt women. (Seriously, click on the link and read the essay. It's a real eye-opener.)

I strongly suggest telling HR about this, in exactly the words MoonCat suggested; don't second-guess the guy, don't water it down. Do a police report as well, if you haven't already. There is a 1% chance this guy really is just harmless and clueless, but far more likely is the 99% chance that he's trying to trap you.

[blas]

Yeah....back when I was...18 or 19, I had a stalker (nothing worse than lots of unwanted phone calls and him following me around and driving past my work, but still bad!) who a lot of people unfortunately dismissed as a "nice guy who was just trying to figure out why I didn't like him" and "harmless", and a few males even went so far to say that it was MY fault he was doing what he was doing, because I abruptly stopped taking his calls and would avoid him and get paranoid. Let me remind you that it's NEVER your fault if someone can't handle that you don't like them, and they go about it by taking it upon themselves to follow you around, blow up your phone with calls, and generally creep you out.

At the time, I worked at the gas station. During dead times, I'd go out to smoke and see this clown driving up and down the street I worked on (which lead out of town and into an industrial park, no real good reason to keep going back and forth, and I knew it was him because his car had a very distinct stripe across the panel). I had a coworker who lived nearby my parents' house and she would make a point when she was bored at night to watch and see if he drove down the street at all, and sure enough, he did. Now, my parents live on a dead end residential street. As far as we knew, he didn't know anyone else who lived on that road. No reason to be doing that. He later told people that I complained to that he just likes to go for drives......yeah, on roads that he knows I either live on or am working on!

I had a routine, after I closed the store, I would take a long way drive to the other side of town to a Kwik Trip where a lot of my former classmates worked, and would buy smokes there (cheaper than at my store). Yeah, Creepo found out pretty quickly about my little routine, and I caught him either following me or waiting for me in that parking lot, or at the McDonalds parking lot across the street, trying to look like he was hiding.

It got so bad that my manager or one of my family members would stick around the store until closing (my manager would stay until I was done). Thankfully, I found out we had a mutual (female) friend who was older than both of us, and I had her "talk" to him for me. Apparently she lashed out on him, despite his pleading that he was just driving around and never was following me and just wanted to know why I didn't like him. But it worked.....he STOPPED. Completely. After she bitched him out.

Sorry for the threadjack. But see how serious this can get?

You know what you have to do. I wish you luck. Be safe! We need you here.

[XCashier]

a few males even went so far to say that it was MY fault he was doing what he was doing, because I abruptly stopped taking his calls and would avoid him and get paranoid.

Whereas if a man were to stop talking to a woman and avoid her because she was getting stalkerish and creepy, he'd totally be in the right. Don't you just love that old double-standard?

Let me remind you that it's NEVER your fault if someone can't handle that you don't like them, and they go about it by taking it upon themselves to follow you around, blow up your phone with calls, and generally creep you out.

Exactly. There is no law anywhere that says you HAVE to talk to a guy if you don't want to, or HAVE to do what he wants. If he can't handle a "no" like a grownup, he's the one with the problem, not you.

[tropicsgoddess]

That is beyond uber creepy!

[Akasa]

I'd be filing police reports.

[LewisLegion]

Well, I told my roommate about it, and her eyes about popped out of her head. She had been thinking about asking him to borrow his tiller (like I said, he lives in the neighborhood) and now said if she even thinks she sees him around the house she's going to tell him what for and call the cops. She's told her husband too and he is NOT HAPPY.

The guy hasn't said word one to me since this happened and I haven't noticed his truck (really LOUD diesel) around but I've been keeping an eye out for it on my street (he may live nearby but he has NO business being on my actual street. There's no reason for him to drive it). If I see him or I get even the mildest creep-out vibe from him again it's going to HR immediately if not the cops.

I do appreciate your guys's comments. Like I said, I'm socially inept especially when it comes to guys (most of whom intimidate the stuffing out of me, yay having a bully for a stepfather) and I doubt myself frequently.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Okay, listen here. That guy is stalking you. Stalkers are mentally unbalanced and dangerous.

There are no exceptions to this rule. This is very, very serious, and I implore you to not blow it off and let anyone tell you you're overreacting.

Stalkers escalate. They sometimes kill people. You need to understand this.

First of all, you need to call the cops and start a file. You don't have to press charges (although at this point, if it were me, I would.). But you do need to start a file and have this stuff documented. If he is a coworker, you need to tell your boss, and you also need to let HR know that your coworker is stalking you.

Second, he's not going to stop at your say so. Any attention at all will encourage him to continue. You need to understand that saying "stop bothering me" or "leave me alone" is attention and will encourage him to continue.

That this guy knows where you live is extremely serious.

ASIDE TO BLAS: there is a minority of stupid, entitled males out there that think women owe them something and are here to be sexually and emotionally available to them. These are the guys that get surprised and even angry when women are cold to them, or who reject their pig buddies, because they think females have no right to say no to them.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

Better to be a crazy bitch than raped or dead.

People who validate creepy and red-flag behavior are just as dangerous, since they encourage an environment where that kind of shit can happen unchecked. SO glad your housemates and friend backed you up. But please, PLEASE, trust your gut. It's usually right. If something seems off or creepy, there's usually a damn good reason for it.

And even if there isn't, better to err on the side of Not Dead.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

This book right here, The Gift of Fear, ought to be required reading for every man, woman, and child in the world.

It's not about what to be afraid of. It's why trusting your gut is something you should write off as an "overreaction."

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Stalkers escalate. They sometimes kill people. You need to understand this.

This is exactly what I was going to say. His behavior is escalating, LewisLegion, and getting much more dangerous and scary and any slack you give him is going to make it worse. You absolutely MUST take care of this NOW. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

RecoveringKinkoid, I am going to look for that book. Thank you.

[Eisa]

This book right here, The Gift of Fear, ought to be required reading for every man, woman, and child in the world.

It's not about what to be afraid of. It's why trusting your gut is something you should write off as an "overreaction."

I freaking love that book. The way it starts out is utterly chilling.