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I'm Divorced!
Well, mostly. Close enough to celebrate though.
Lately I've had conflicted feelings. I've learned things may not have been as clear-cut as they seemed and wasn't sure how to handle this. I mean, obviously we were pretty much done. We let things get so horrible between us, it just didn't seem like there was anything worth saving. In the end, I decided that if she wanted to go, I'd let her go. Because I think we're both better people when we're not together. It sucks, on some level, but that's just how it is. We both deserve to be happy. And I'd rather we be apart and better for it for our kids than try to force ourselves to be together and make them miserable, which I think is what was happening for nearly a year. She never hid her desire to leave from me, or them.
Today I met with my lawyer. He met with her divorce lawyer and her to go over some of the details the other day. Custody has to wait until my case is over (which is looking more and more likely to be dropped entirely). The question came up as to whether or not they should wait until I'm able to be there in person, since I can't now due to the Restraining Order, but my lawyer said that if she wanted a divorce, I wouldn't stop her. And he was right. So at this point, it still has to go through whatever process to become "official," but it's basically a done deal.
I never wanted things to be this way. But this is where we wound up. I wish her well, I hope she finds the happiness elsewhere that I couldn't provide her with. As for me, I'm happy. I think this is best for all of us. I'd be lying if I said I didn't still love her. We would have been married 10 years on the 21st of this month, and we started dating in high school, so almost 15 years together. But things got toxic between us, and for whatever reason she grew very resentful and hostile towards me, while I got angry and miserable about her. Truth be told, I've been missing the woman I married for a few years now. Maybe she can be that person again. I've learned to be a better person, not in spite of her but because it was that or lose myself to the pain inside. I hope she can do the same.
On a lighter note, to all my fellow single ladies here, Hellooooo Nurse!
Kidding. I'm not ready to even think about another relationship right now. Maybe I won't ever be. My heart is fragile, it breaks easy. It's already pretty banged up, and now that this chapter of my life is about to close, maybe it can start to heal.
Well, mostly. Close enough to celebrate though.
Lately I've had conflicted feelings. I've learned things may not have been as clear-cut as they seemed and wasn't sure how to handle this. I mean, obviously we were pretty much done. We let things get so horrible between us, it just didn't seem like there was anything worth saving. In the end, I decided that if she wanted to go, I'd let her go. Because I think we're both better people when we're not together. It sucks, on some level, but that's just how it is. We both deserve to be happy. And I'd rather we be apart and better for it for our kids than try to force ourselves to be together and make them miserable, which I think is what was happening for nearly a year. She never hid her desire to leave from me, or them.
Today I met with my lawyer. He met with her divorce lawyer and her to go over some of the details the other day. Custody has to wait until my case is over (which is looking more and more likely to be dropped entirely). The question came up as to whether or not they should wait until I'm able to be there in person, since I can't now due to the Restraining Order, but my lawyer said that if she wanted a divorce, I wouldn't stop her. And he was right. So at this point, it still has to go through whatever process to become "official," but it's basically a done deal.
I never wanted things to be this way. But this is where we wound up. I wish her well, I hope she finds the happiness elsewhere that I couldn't provide her with. As for me, I'm happy. I think this is best for all of us. I'd be lying if I said I didn't still love her. We would have been married 10 years on the 21st of this month, and we started dating in high school, so almost 15 years together. But things got toxic between us, and for whatever reason she grew very resentful and hostile towards me, while I got angry and miserable about her. Truth be told, I've been missing the woman I married for a few years now. Maybe she can be that person again. I've learned to be a better person, not in spite of her but because it was that or lose myself to the pain inside. I hope she can do the same.
On a lighter note, to all my fellow single ladies here, Hellooooo Nurse!
Kidding. I'm not ready to even think about another relationship right now. Maybe I won't ever be. My heart is fragile, it breaks easy. It's already pretty banged up, and now that this chapter of my life is about to close, maybe it can start to heal.
(if you want it)
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