Today I found out my paychecks are being garnished for child support. I didn't even realize it before now. My checks are put in my account electronically, and I almost never look at my paystubs online, because you have to change your password every 45 days and I wind up getting locked out then have to call help desk and it's a hassle. So today, knowing full well I should have enough to cover my mortgage payment and pretty much nothing else (I couldn't pay it in August and promised to pay today), I was a bit shocked to see my balance was much lower than it should have been.
So I got my online statement unlocked and saw they're taking $270 from me per paycheck. And it's been going on for a few months.
I called in sick. I'm going to my doctor in a couple of hours, she'll sign off to let me have a few days off due to stress. I called the mortgage company and bawled all over the poor guy, and he was nice enough to let me know that since I'm on a payment arrangement I'm nowhere close to foreclosure and they're going to try to help me due to loss of income to see what we can work out that's affordable.
The breakdown is coming. I've been pushing all the stress of the last few months aside, focusing on the good turns my life has taken and telling myself I'll deal with it later. Whenever something comes up I fret for a little bit, til I can get my mind off it and put it out of sight. I tell myself it'll work out because all this mess is FINALLY almost over... in a few months my case will be done, I'll have my kids back, and I'll have finally gotten the financial mess my ex left me with more or less under control. I'll even have a few things paid off.
This morning's scare was too much. I haven't been sleeping well lately and last night I could barely sleep at all... and yes, I know it's because of what I've been avoiding. It'll all come flooding out, hopefully the tears will wash it all away.
I'm not going to do anything stupid, so don't take this the wrong way, but I realized this morning that my life insurance would take care of everything and then some. I'm worth more dead than alive. That's just wrong.
I'm struggling to hold together for now, my doctor is 30 miles away and I don't want to cry on the way there or back, just because once I start I won't stop and I want to be safe.
I'm trying to be strong and independent and all that empowering stuff.... but today I want nothing more than to hide in my bed like a scared little girl.
So I got my online statement unlocked and saw they're taking $270 from me per paycheck. And it's been going on for a few months.
I called in sick. I'm going to my doctor in a couple of hours, she'll sign off to let me have a few days off due to stress. I called the mortgage company and bawled all over the poor guy, and he was nice enough to let me know that since I'm on a payment arrangement I'm nowhere close to foreclosure and they're going to try to help me due to loss of income to see what we can work out that's affordable.
The breakdown is coming. I've been pushing all the stress of the last few months aside, focusing on the good turns my life has taken and telling myself I'll deal with it later. Whenever something comes up I fret for a little bit, til I can get my mind off it and put it out of sight. I tell myself it'll work out because all this mess is FINALLY almost over... in a few months my case will be done, I'll have my kids back, and I'll have finally gotten the financial mess my ex left me with more or less under control. I'll even have a few things paid off.
This morning's scare was too much. I haven't been sleeping well lately and last night I could barely sleep at all... and yes, I know it's because of what I've been avoiding. It'll all come flooding out, hopefully the tears will wash it all away.
I'm not going to do anything stupid, so don't take this the wrong way, but I realized this morning that my life insurance would take care of everything and then some. I'm worth more dead than alive. That's just wrong.
I'm struggling to hold together for now, my doctor is 30 miles away and I don't want to cry on the way there or back, just because once I start I won't stop and I want to be safe.
I'm trying to be strong and independent and all that empowering stuff.... but today I want nothing more than to hide in my bed like a scared little girl.
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