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  • #1

    Not sure how to put this.

    I've been trying so hard and I...I'm having a hard time coping. I'm suicidal, and I don't know wtf to do.

    My mom promised to talk to my cousin about me living with her. Has she done this? No. She hasn't told my stepfather about me potentially moving in with him and my mom either.

    I get the feeling that she's just ignoring this whole thing and hoping it'll go away. She's done this before in other ways; I'm fucking stupid for having forgotten that she won't notice anything that's not dressed in bright green and doing the hula in front of her. My stepfather can't stand that she dares to have other people in her life that mean something to her. He's interrupted conversations; he even took her phone and hung up on a mutual friend simply because he'd decided that my mom had talked to her enough.

    So, yeah, I'm an idiot for thinking that my mother would come through for me. If she doesn't talk to my stepfather, I certainly can't, as he thinks I have all the intelligence of a fucking doorknob and not even half the worth.

    Can't talk to my cousin, as I know damn well that if I ask, the answer will be no, but if my mom asks, she says yes. She likes my mom enough that she'll put up with my supposed asshole self. (It's a long story. It boils down to her fucking changing her mind every 5 seconds and being pissed that I can't psychically figure out what she damn well wants. Also I ruin everyone. Yeah, she's a FUN one.)

    So, since I've waited on my mother, mistakenly thinking that she was actually going to DO something, it is now Monday, 9 January....and I'm moving on Saturday, 14 January.

    Fucking awesome. Also my local church people (most of them) appear to think that I just want to be lazy and sit on my ass doing nothing all fucking day. Yeah. Okay. Sure. That's why I started a business so I can make money even though I'm chronically sick. Because I secretly just want to be a mooching fucker. That's why I spend several hours a day doing this shit.

    I've got piles of people telling me that I just need to do it myself. I've got people acting as if I should just fuck off. I tell people that my stepfather is a verbally abusive person....and they tell me to just ignore it.

    I can fuck off. I can make sure none of these IRL fuckers ever has to deal with my whiny crybaby ass EVER again. Then they can come to my funeral and bitch about how they "never knew".

    ASSHOLES. I fucking damn well told your asshole selves. You were just pissed that I wasn't entertaining your dumb ass.

    I KNOW suicide isn't right, but I tell IRL folks that things are wrong, and they just brush it off like I'm complaining about a splinter or something!

    I have to be out of this house by Saturday. I need to find some options, because it looks like my mother isn't going to do anything. I don't have enough money for an extended stay motel. I'm looking at a business loan that would hopefully help me pay for rent, but that will take 3-6 weeks to make happen.

    I'm about to give up, guys. Help me.
    1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
    -----
    http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)
    Tags: None
  • #2
    I can't help you beyond letting you know that I'm here, I do care and I deeply wish that I could help. *Hugs* Please don't go.
    Don't tempt pixies, it never ends well.

    Avatar created by the lovely Eisa.

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    • #3
      *hugs* Not doing anything tonight, at least.
      1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
      -----
      http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)

      Comment

      • #4
        Thank you! So what, if anything, can you do to distract yourself for a while?
        Don't tempt pixies, it never ends well.

        Avatar created by the lovely Eisa.

        Comment

        • #5
          I need to sleep soon. I've got a few things to do first, then I'm going to bed. I've got an orientation for a business loan tomorrow at 9:30am, so sleeping soon would be good.
          1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
          -----
          http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)

          Comment

          • #6
            Rapscallion's 'Depression' sticky thread at the top of the page contains links to various organisations that can help with the emotional side of this.

            It seems that the greatest part of your depression is circumstantial, however, and that correcting your intolerable circumstances would provide you an environment where you could feel better emotionally.

            Am I correct?

            So what you need is practical help.

            Try talking privately (PRIVATELY!) to your pastor/minister/priest. If he/she is like those I have known, he/she will listen to you with an open mind. I understand that getting to a private appointment may be a problem for you: if you explain that, he/she may well arrange for someone to pick you up and take you home.

            Try talking to the Salvation Army, Lifeline, etc.

            Try looking outside your denomination, or even outside your religion. There are both secular help groups, and religious help groups of various religions that simply seek to help *anyone*.
            Just as an example, the Hare Krishnas in Australia provide vegetarian meals free for anyone who walks in.

            Try talking to the help groups and patient support groups for your particular illness, as well. Someone may have ideas, or real help.

            And talk to your nurses and social workers.
            Seshat's self-help guide:
            1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
            2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
            3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
            4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

            "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

            Comment

            • #7
              Quoth Seshat View Post
              Rapscallion's 'Depression' sticky thread at the top of the page contains links to various organisations that can help with the emotional side of this.
              Quoted for truth. Here is a link to thread:

              http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=85084

              The fact that you posted here instead of acting is a good start in the right direction. Please contact one of the organizations listed.
              The best karma is letting a jerk bash himself senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.

              The stupid is strong with this one.

              Comment

              • #8
                And do keep in touch with us. And do feel free to keep posting!
                Seshat's self-help guide:
                1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

                Comment

                • #9
                  *hugs* You still need to tell me what colors you like for your quilt.

                  And if you lived near me I'd let you couch surf at my place.
                  https://purplefish-quilting.square.site/

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                  • #10
                    If you are anywhere near Kansas, pm me, I'll see what I can do about finding you something.
                    Remember, stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

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                    • #11
                      I'm in Utah. I...don't know if that's close enough.
                      1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
                      -----
                      http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Hang in there.
                        I can offer advice, but it's LDS-heavy.

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                        • #13
                          I'm in Idaho. I could...try to find things?

                          Also, don't listen to people who tell you to just ignore verbal/emotional abuse. I've been told that a lot about my aunt. It might work if someone's just being a twat and you can avoid them, but abuse really tears you down. And it's not easy in the slightest to just ignore.
                          "And so all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride!"
                          "Hallo elskan min/Trui ekki hvad timinn lidur"
                          Amayis is my wifey

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                          • #14
                            If you ever find yourself in Texas, there's a couch here you can sleep on. I think there are some LDS churches nearby too so you could continue to worship if you wish.

                            We wouldn't charge any rent just ask that you pitch on on the utilities and food once you found work.
                            Question authority, but raise your hand first. -Alan M. Bershowitz

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              If your ever on the east coast near Baltimore I'll have or find a place for you to stay. This really sucks but I believe you can do it.
                              Driver Picks the Music, Shotgun Shuts His Cakehole.
                              Supernatural 9-13-05 to forever

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