You Know, You're Really Smart So Why...

[AnaKhouri]

...do you shut down at the tiniest sign of stress?

I knew when I married my husband that he has a huge problem with being indesicive and decided I was OK with it, and usually I am. I also expect lots of questions from him about our son (our routine, what is allowed, babbling translations etc), because I am home with him all day and Husband is not.

But sometimes...

Last night Husband was playing with Khan in the living room while I cleaned the kitchen. Suddenly Husband yells for me to come in, he thinks Khan is going to throw up (Khan gives very specific signs preceding him hurling). I run in, Khan throws himself on me, sobbing, and I ask Husband to grab a towel or a container so Khan doesn't puke on the carpet. Husband is all, "A towel? From where? The bathroom or the kitchen? A container? What kind? From the Tupperware cabinet? Which one?"

Meanwhile I am comforting a gagging kid and snap, "They're all washable just GRAB ONE NOW!"

As Husband dithers about, Khan throws up all over the carpet, all over me, and all over himself.

Total elapsed time between my original request and Khan puking: well, I am not sure but it was definitely more than 30 seconds. Grabbing a towel or a tupperware bowl should not take anyone more than 10 seconds, tops.

>sigh< His entire family is like this too; whenever we visit I feel like tyrant because I always choose where we are going to eat, what activity we are going to do, when we are going to church etc. Because if I didn't we would never get out of the endless discussion, dithering and second-guessing and actually leave the house.

[Food Lady]

I'm sorry your husband is like my dad and me (somewhat). Drives my mom crazy. And then when I do make a decision, Mom doesn't like it (not that you do that). But yeah, Mom's complaint was always that she had to make all the decisions. Now she has a hubs that makes decisions without telling her. *sigh* At any rate, your hubs does sound like a very good dad; glad to see him paying attention to his child. I guess there are always bumps in the road in any human relationship.

[Andara Bledin]

Ack.

Some people just aren't wired to deal with making snap decisions. Their minds are so full of so many different inputs and options and they have no filter ability to toss out the pointless options and narrow down to the best.

Has he ever played video games where time matters? I find that they help, particularly if you have multiple options for solving the problems that have both optimal and acceptable solutions as well as options that end in total failure. It's good training.

In this case, since time was of the essence, when you called for a towel or container, the primary concern should have been whatever was closest while meeting minimum suitability standards. For towel, any towel will do. For container, it had to be able to survive being hurled into, and that's it.

Rational thinking under pressure is something that can be learned, but a lot of people are never put into situations where it can ever be experienced.

^-.-^

[Merriweather]

I feel for you.

My hubby isn't that bad, but similar. I swear, it wouldn't be difficult for a stranger to think it was my house, and he a guest. He'll ask the same type of questions, like a guest might ask - "should I use this or that, do you want it done this way, or that". I've been known to tell him (in an argument) that he's like a very helpful boarder, he'll do anything I ask him to do around the house, but except for a few very obvious things, he never initiates things on his own. Every improvement or change to the house has been at my suggestion, i choose paint colours, styles, etc. In over 20 years together, I can count on one hand the places we've gone at his suggestion - it's always up to me to suggest we go to dinner (and where), or to a movie, or a day out, or a vacation - you get the picture.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that some husbands never lift a finger, I'm lucky he'll work his a** off to do things, pretty much anything I ask. And I know a lot of spouses would love to go where they want to now and then, instead of always having the other person call the shots. But just now and then, it would be nice to go to a restaurant I didn't choose, on a night I didn't suggest, or take a vacation that wasn't suggested & planned totally by me. We lived overseas for several years, and visited hundreds of towns, castles, stately homes, etc. - and every single bloody one of them was researched and chosen by me, with when we went there picked by me as well.
And if asked, he claims he enjoys going, that I'm not dragging him where he doesnt' want to go - yet he never suggests anything.

It's been this way for over 20 years, I've talked to him about it til I'm blue in the face, nothing had changed, and I'm resigned it never will. I love him, but damn, I'd give anything to be "taken out" now and then.

[MoonCat]

As a person who can sometimes be very indecisive, I'll just say that for some of us, the problem is the fear of making the wrong decision. And then being unable to fix whatever went wrong. That fear can be paralyzing. As I've gotten older, I've gotten better at this. I have a favorite quote (can't remember who said it) that goes, "The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously." Trust me, it's true.

[AnaKhouri]

That seems to be his problem, Mooncat. And I am grateful for his methodical nature and careful decision-making when it comes to making investments, purchasing major appliances, choosing insurance plans etc.

Not so much when our kid is about to hurl on me.

But I guess it all has to go together. And honestly, I couldn't ask for a better man and thank God for him every day. This is a really minor annoyance and I was just irritated by it and needed to vent.

[Mytical]

Venting is good . In an emergency I seem to be one of the most level headed/focused people..outside of an emergency..I just have no decision making ability. *shrugs* Never said I made sense.