Should I get more involved?

[Rainman]

Hey yall, some stuff is happening in my apartment building and honestly I think the advice of strangers would be better then going to my friends about it.

I am REALLY starting to think that my downstairs neighbor (I live in a multistory apartment building) is beating his 13 year old daughter. I work afternoons so in the morning I am home with ToddlerRainman. On the weekends its not uncommon to hear yelling and screaming from their apartment from 8am until I am leaving for work at 2pm. Lately it's been getting really bad, not just yelling but now I am hearing things being thrown around or broken. Used to be I might hear a door slam, now I am hearing things that no longer sound like doors, but maybe someone getting thrown around. This past sunday I was pretty sure I was hearing cries of pain but I couldnt be sure. I have called our rental office, apparently I wasn't the first either, but they say there is nothing they can do. (I don't believe this, but its clear nothing will be done by them)

So here's my issue. I know I should probably call the cops on this asshole. Thing is, my building only has 6 units in it, and 2 are empty. No one else works the unusual hours I do and I am concerned that even if I reported this annonymously, he would figure out who dimed him out. I am not concerned about myself, I'm much bigger than him and know how to protect myself, its Mrs. Rainman and ToddlerRainman that I would worry about. I have no doubt this guy would make trouble for them if i wasn't around, and with full time school and my workload, I rarely am. He has a violent history and I don't know what he's capable of. So what should I do folks? Do the right thing and potentially put family Rainman in harms way? Or mind my own business, say I tried, and let a potential abuser do his thing?

[Bright_Star]

Call the cops & let them look into what's going on. You don't have to give your name. Just tell them about your concerns & what you've been hearing. & even if it turns out to be nothing, it'll give you some peace of mind. Better safe than sorry.

[Mike Taylor]

CALL THE COPS! If you think the child is in danger, let them know. More importantly, call while it is happening!

[Eireann]

Call the cops, and let them know that you're worried for the safety of your own family, should the abuser find out who called them.

[AmbrosiaWriter]

I say that you should call the cops, but also talk it over with Mrs. Rainman so that she knows that she should be more alert when she is at home and you are not there. Keep the front door locked with the deadbolt/chain lock or any other additional locking mechanism you may have. Inform the cops that you're concerned that he may come after you and your family.

[BlaqueKatt]

Or mind my own business, say I tried, and let a potential abuser do his thing?

As someone who was the 13 year-old punching bag while everyone looked the other way because "my stepfather scared them".

I leave you with this:

This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done(saving a child) and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

[Seshat]

The sort of person who would beat a child is also quite capable of beating Mrs Rainman and Toddler Rainman for no reason.

If he wants to, he'll find a 'reason'.

Calling the police on him might trigger him to decide your family was 'at fault' for calling the cops: not calling the police on him means he may decide to 'shut that kid up' if your child bangs his/her knee and cries over it.

I'd remove the existing screws holding your locks in place, and replace them with ones that go all the way through the doorframe and into the structural support behind it. Ditto for the hinges.
Similarly, if you have a flimsy, hollow door, either replace it or supplement it with a security door. Don't forget the back door. Consider the windows as well.

[ArcticChicken]

I understand your reluctance, I truly do, but Seshat has a good point.

Some more things to consider:
Can you live with yourself if you stand by and allow the abuse to continue?
Do you want to teach ToddlerRainman that it's OK to stand and allow this kind of thing to happen?

[Andara Bledin]

I am not in your situation, so cannot say what you should do.

However, having been in a similar situation myself more than once, I can say that I will always be on the phone with police the moment I think there is violence brewing.

There will be no Kitties if I have anything to say about it.

^-.-^

[BlaqueKatt]

another option is speak to an officer when you aren't at home(go for a walk, most officers have places they sit to do paperwork, talk to other officers), and explain the situation and your fears of retaliation. I've known officers that gave me their cell phone number to call when something was going on, they would inexplicably happen to be "chasing a stray cat past the building and they heard something that required them to investigate".

[cinema guy]

If others have mentioned it to the rental office, then someone else is hearing it too. You aren't the only one.

You could see if you could talk to your neighbours and see if others have heard what you have heard. Or talk to the police safe in the knowledge that you aren't the only one who has heard it.

[bhskittykatt]

I would talk it over with the wife. I definitely feel that someone should intervene on behalf of the 13-yr-old, and you have the opportunity to do that here. I also understand your reluctance.

I would make a mutual decision with your wife. If you go to the police, let them know your concerns for your own safety. They'll understand. You'll probably get a cell number of a detective or two so you can get in touch with them directly if needed. Check your deadbolts and take any extra safety precautions you need to keep your family safe. You can also request a plain-clothes officer to come into your home and give you a consultation on any security flaws he may find.

I don't envy your decision. I think whatever you do, it should be a mutual decision between you and the missus though. That way, you've both considered the risks and the consequences of either option and are on the same page.

[Rainman]

Hey all, its been awhile since I posted the OP, but there has been progress on this issue.

Many of you gave good advice and I took some here and there from just about everyone. Mrs. Rainman agreed that the risk was worth it to save this girl and as a precaution she bought a can of mace and I installed two reinforced locks on our door. Fortunatly we never ended up needing them.

About a week after the OP, there was a ruckus from the abuser's apartment that was worse than any other and I just kinda snapped. I didn't care about the risk anymore, I was afraid he would end up killing this girl if this went on any longer. I immediatly called the police, asked to remain anonymous and reported what I was hearing. I was happily surprised when not one, not two, but THREE police cars rolled up within maybe 5 minutes. Standing by my door it sounded like Abuser was trying to deny the police entry, but his daughter began screaming for help. I didn't see what happened but after ALOT of banging and yelling, I saw Abuser being taken away in cuffs looking like he had been well and truly beat down. Alot of stuff happened after that, CPS showed up and took the daughter away, I ended up speaking with the officers and told them yes, it was me who called it in. Filled out a statement, answered questions, yada yada yada. It was a long day and my involvement lasted until the end of week or so. I thought that was the end of it until Abuser went to court (I was told I would very likely be asked to testfy) but I was wrong.

Just the other day I got a handwritten letter from the daughter. It's been about a month since all this went down and she is now recovering in the care of her godparents. This girl really opened up in this letter, telling me in horrifying detail of what was happening right below my feet all this time. I really didnt want to know but I am guessing it was very theraputic to get it all out, I dont know, I've never been in her shoes. Long story short she wrote that at the time she had been days from just taking her own life, anything to just make it stop. I'm tearing up as I write this. She called me her guardian angel and said I saved her life and she would be forever grateful.

Folks, to those who answered my OP, I want to extend her thanks to all of you. You guys gave me the kick in the balls I needed to man up and do the right thing. I am ashamed to now think there was ever a doubt in my mind what needed to be done. It would have been so easy to just say it wasn't my problem and ignore it. But thanks to you the right thing was done and the way I look at it, we all saved her life. The saying "Evil can only exist when good people do nothing" has never rang more true for me. So thank you all again, I am just so glad things worked out.

[Talon]

Wow. Congratulations Rainman, you're officially a hero.

[csquared]

Evil can only exist when good people do nothing

So very true. And sometimes, all we have to do is speak up for someone who can't.

And yes, you are a hero.