Oh, the drama

[Eireann]

I had a weird conversation with my sister today.

She got upset, nearly hysterical, because our cousin had complained to her that when he was on Facebook, I messaged him. Not all the time, not every day, but it seems that most of the time, when he's on Facebook, he's there to play games, and he doesn't want messages from me during that time.

I told this to a friend, and he put it in plain terms: "So, he complained to your sister that when he's online, a family member wants to talk to him?"

I wonder why he didn't just tell me, rather than ignoring my messages (most of which were just to ask him how he was), then venting to my sister. It's all very weird. I also wonder why my sister got so caught up in it that she ended up talking in a shrill voice, then hanging up because she just couldn't talk about it any more.

Well, one thing is clear: He won't hear from me again. I wasn't there when he talked to my sister, and I don't know what was said, but I DO know that he has ignored almost all of my attempts to communicate with him, which leads me to give credence to what my sister told me.

One other thing: I really don't care. A few years ago, I would have been devastated by this news, not to mention my sister getting so worked up. Now? I know that he makes his choices, she makes hers, and this whole thing could have been avoided if he just told me he didn't want to talk to me, and hadn't complained to my sister at all.

In case you're baffled by all of this, my cousin made me a work offer two years ago, which involved flying me to where he lives and having me stay with him while I did the work. When my sister saw him, she said, "I hear you're going to fly Eireann out for some work."

He said, "Oh, no, I don't have time for that!"

Well, one of the reasons I was messaging him was that I thought I was going to be working for him (a temporary job, by the way), and I wanted to know the details. Later, when I learned that it wasn't going to be happening (due to legal problems on his part, or so he claimed), I just wanted to make sure HE was okay.

So, the guy made me a job offer he had no intention of keeping, ducked out of sight, ignored my messages, then bitched to my sister, who got completely uptight about it.

You know what? Right now, I'm glad I'm so far away from them.

And I know one person who isn't going to be hearing from me again.

[Akasa]

Yeah I'd write him off too in your shoes.

[Food Lady]

Your cousin has issues. O.o

[dalesys]

Your cousin has issues. O.o

As in "A complete collection plus a lifetime subscription of National Geographic." issues.

[MoonCat]

Wow. Drama barely begins to describe it.

Probably just as well if you don't message him anymore. He doesn't seem to quite get the concept of family concern.

[Eireann]

Issues? Yes, I'd say so. He got himself into an EXTREMELY bad situation not long ago, and my sister is heavily critical of him, as a result. Evidently, he told her a lot more than he told me, and she told me that, although he didn't do anything that was legally actionable, his actions were not what they should have been.

I'm thinking of just taking him off my list of Facebook friends, but I'm going to wait a little while. I don't want to take action solely on my sister's word, even though I have no reason to believe that she's lying to me. For now, I'll just refrain from messaging him at all.

[Der Cute]

Well, your sister is part of the drama scheme too. She could have said to him, "Hey dude. I hear you have a problem with Eireanne. But that's between you two. Don't add me."

relaying the info to you inflames other people in the chain. It DOES have to get to you somehow, I guess.

[Shannarah]

Not all the time, not every day, but it seems that most of the time, when he's on Facebook, he's there to play games, and he doesn't want messages from me during that time.

So if he is on there to play games, and doesn't want to be messaged - how hard would it be for him to turn the chat function to offline.
It sounds like he should take a bit of responsibility for this himself, instead of bitching when people message him when he is online, when he can easily disable his chat feature and play his games to his hearts content.

[Eireann]

Yeah, I have no idea why my sister even thought twice about it. For some reason, she got very upset - and this is something that he told her more than a year ago, unless she's been talking to him recently and he bitched to her again.

I didn't know you could turn chat off, and maybe he doesn't know it either, but that doesn't matter. Ignoring my messages, then whining about my contacting him, just goes to show that this guy is FAR from being the person I thought he was.

So, I'm okay with what I've done. I messaged him out of concern, I believed that he was a good guy, and I'm now rid of some dead weight in my life.

[Pixilated]

You've got the right solution. The ball is in his court now -- he knows you're interested in hearing from him, so he can't complain about that aspect of it. It's pretty much the same with me and my sister. I made attempts in years past to keep in contact with her, to keep updated with what's going on in her family, but there's obviously no interest at that end, so ... so be it. We'll do the Christmas and birthday thing and leave it at that.