Just need to rant a bit. Sorry.

[blas]

I can't add a whole lot to the situation, except for my brother's pregnant ex girlfriend (whom we still don't know if it's his baby or not) was begging to move back into our house a few months ago. She didn't have the balls to ask my mom, my brother won't talk to her until she gets the baby tested basically........so she tries me. Well, it isn't my house, I can't tell her yes or no, and she knows it. She asks my mom, my mom says no, she starts whining about being a poor pregnant girl with no food.

Sorry for the threadjack, but there are some times you just can't help a person. And one of my biggest peeves EVER is people who volunteer you for things that you never ok'd in the first place!

And then on top of that, another one of my peeves is people who question your monetary situation when they aren't getting their way with you. It's one thing if you legit owe money to someone and they see you're going to Vegas every month, it's another to be barely making the bills and being crucified for buying a damn video game or two several months back.

[MoonCat]

Can't add much because everybody else said what I was thinking. But I'll second mathnerd: Just keep saying "No." DON'T OFFER ANY REASONS WHY. People just keep trying to argue with you.

Also, hang up faster.

[Seshat]

Nothing to add except my own hugs, and my agreement-in-principle with just about every piece of advice in the thread.

[Pixilated]

Can't add much because everybody else said what I was thinking. But I'll second mathnerd: Just keep saying "No." DON'T OFFER ANY REASONS WHY. People just keep trying to argue with you.

Also, hang up faster.

I'll second this. And add more chocolate chip cookies.

If you feel you MUST give a reason for saying no, try "Because I said so." And keep repeating it. This sort of thing is called the 'broken record technique' and the idea is that you finally wear down the questioner because you're not giving them anything they can argue against:

"But why??"

"Because it's not possible/Because I said so."

"But WHYYYY? You're not giving me a reason!"

"I did. It's not possible./Because I said so."

"But THAT'S NOT A REASON! GIVE ME A REASON!!!"

"I'm sorry you feel that way but it's not possible/because I said so."

"But he's a good kid! I know he's a good kid!!"

"Perhaps but it's not possible."

And so on. If you can keep your cool it's really, really effective. The other person will likely stomp off in a rage but eventually will go find somebody else to harass because they're getting nothing but frustration from you.

I have to admit, I'd be tempted to tell Mom, "Look, you keep saying he's such a good kid. Fine. YOU take him in for a year and IF it works out, we'll THINK about taking him in. But if you're not willing to put your money where you mouth is, then this discussion is closed." It would be funny, in a not-funny kind of way, to see her reaction when stuff starts disappearing from her house at the same time this "good" kid moved in. (As somebody else said, he's probably worn out his welcome from everybody who does know him.)

[MoonCat]

Actually, I think it's a HUGE red flag that mom doesn't want this kid alone in her house! I'm wondering if she knows more than she's admitting to. All those comments about what a good kid he is, and how he wouldn't do anything bad in Seraph's house....what's that phrase about "protesting too much?"

I don't have a guess as to why she wants to dump this kid on you, Seraph. Brownie points with her friends is all I can come up with. But I do know that she's trying to set you up. Don't give in.

[cleorose]

As a mom myself, and as one who has a sister who frequently volunteered me from stuff I would never ever agree to. (Letting her drug addicted boyfriend sell me a stolen car and then move in with us when HE was evicted. yeah no )

My advice is to be straight. Be brutal.

What I would have said:

This is MY house. Invite who you like to live with you, but until your name is on the deed, you are paying the bills. DO not VOLUNTEER my home and risk the safety and sanity of my family so that you can feel good about helping some poor kid who despite what you say is obviously a fuktard in disguise. Case in point NO one, not even his own blood will take him in. You want to buy into his pity party, you have a couch let him sleep there.

I will discuss this NO further with you. In this house, my word is law. Don't like it? Well isn't it great you don't live here then?

And then thats it. Dont say anything else. She continues HANG UP. and block her. for 2-3 days.

[BroSCFischer]

All those comments about what a good kid he is, and how he wouldn't do anything bad in Seraph's house....what's that phrase about "protesting too much?"

Gertrude: Me thinks the lady dost protest to much.

-from The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark by William Shakespeare Act III, Sc. II

SC

[MoonCat]

Gertrude: Me thinks the lady dost protest to much.

-from The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark by William Shakespeare Act III, Sc. II

SC

I figured you would know.

[Kanalah]

Hoooooooly cow.

Also seriously we must be related or something.

My mom has come out and *told* us that once gma dies, she'll be moving in with us. Like wtf?!

[Tama]

I sure hope you put an end to that nonsensical line of thinking.

[Seshat]

Kanalah,

I'm sure you don't need US to tell you how much of a clusterf- that would be.

And I hope your answer is "No!"

[Seraph]

Hoooooooly cow.

Also seriously we must be related or something.

My mom has come out and *told* us that once gma dies, she'll be moving in with us. Like wtf?!

Kana I just nope'd so hard I think I set a new world record.

[Antares]

Hoooooooly cow.

Also seriously we must be related or something.

My mom has come out and *told* us that once gma dies, she'll be moving in with us. Like wtf?!

Let me tell you a story...

Some time after my grandparents divorced my grandmother and aunt would do all sorts things together. According to my father, they went on vacation one time. Upon returning, my grandmother spent the night. Then the next. Then the next. Now, it has been somewhere around 35-40 years. There was no discussion of my grandmother moving in. She just did.

My grandmother hasn't paid any bills or, according to my father, contributed to them in that time.

My grandmother took over my aunt's life. Heck, it was impossible to talk to my aunt without my grandmother butting in on a phone conversation. She couldn't do anything unless my grandmother went. It boggles my mind.

Now, my grandmother is 94 or 95 and likely won't make it through the month...though they didn't think she was going to make it this long. (She is currently in hospital and only occasionally lucid.) My aunt has spent the last 35 years or so with my grandmother living with her. When she finally dies, my aunt isn't going to know what to do. She's in her late 60s and feels like her life has passed her by.


If your mother just assumes she's moving in you can be sure that she's going to assume a lot of other things.

[Blue Ginger]

If you feel you MUST give a reason for saying no, try "Because I said so." And keep repeating it. This sort of thing is called the 'broken record technique' and the idea is that you finally wear down the questioner because you're not giving them anything they can argue against

My parents used to do this to us kids if we kept asking the same questions over and over again.

me: Mum can I ......?
Mum: No.
me: but why?
Mum: because I said so.
me: but why?
Mum: because y's a crooked letter and can't be straightened.

repeat and repeat alternating the two responses. It has the power to drive even the sane batty.