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This is one of the most understanding boards I’ve been at. There’s a diverse enough group of people here that I figure someone will be able to tell me if I’m overthinking things or if I have legitimate points.
I’ve been having issues with people and I’m getting fed up. I don’t know if there’s something wrong me or with the people I’m interacting with (probably a bit of both). I keep on running into the same problems with family members and significant others and I have to vent otherwise I’m going to erupt violently and leave traumatized survivors shaking in my wake. I’m not going to go any deeper into the backstory as I'm already upset enough.
<start rant>
I’m introverted. I’m also smart, nerdy and shy. There is nothing wrong with me – this is my personality. I’m in my mid-20’s; I can develop on top of what I have but I cannot change what I am. Telling me that I think too much, that I don’t have good social skills, and that I need to be able to talk to people at the drop of a hat will not endear you to me. Guess what? I can function quite well if I don’t feel like there’s someone watching me and critiquing my every move. So Back. Off.
Another thing – apparently I’m attractive. Hot, even. No, I don’t want to spend hours shopping or trying to keep up with the latest fashion. I do care about appearances but only to a certain degree; if 1) my outfit matches, 2) the colors suit me, and 3) everything is neat and clean I’m happy. I’m a jeans and t-shirt sort of girl; I can be trendy if I feel like it but that’s definitely not all the time. Stop trying to make me care – little comments all the time just wear away at my self-confidence until I don’t even want to try.
Apparently I’m “different” from other women that you know. I do tend to say odd things and be intense in my emotions. I know this. I try to keep it down but you know what? I’m getting too old to be worried about what other people think about me. I’m not going to make myself more “normal” for you (besides, I’m not that different; I just tend to express myself differently). If other people don’t like that then I will not inflict my presence on them – I don’t mind much because I know that certain personalities will grate on each other and there’s nothing anyone can do about that.
Note: I have to admit that I find it ironic that people are drawn to me because I’m different but then later try to change that which attracted them in the first place. What gives?
Let me pay for things from time to time. I don’t like you bearing the cost for everything because it makes me feel like a blood-sucking parasite and a user. Besides, I’m not romantic. I have no idea what to do to keep the relationship at an acceptable give-and-take level without bearing my fair share of the costs. If you don’t let me do this I will feel useless and depressed.
I don’t like being told what to do. If I’m at work or school that’s one thing; employers and/or supervisors have authority to give me orders. You do not. Don’t tell me “You need to do this” or start off a thought with “The problem with you is…”. You do not have the authority to tell me to do anything. Got that? If I decide to make a change based on a suggestion of yours that’s a different matter altogether. The choice was mine. I will decide who I am, what I look like, and where I’m going in life.
By the way, I understand that I misread your text. I missed a crucial word and instead of the night of casual bar-hopping I expected it turned out to be one of your friend’s birthdays at a decidedly NOT CASUAL area. I didn’t know you that well, I knew no one else there, it was an area I’m never at, I was the only person in jeans, and I had no way to escape as you had driven. I wanted to sink through the floor - I felt embarrassed, acutely self-conscious and didn’t know what to do about it (all I had was the nebulous feeling that whatever I did at that point was going to be wrong). I’m not a clubber or that much of a partier; I had nothing in common with those people. Telling me later that I was “really quiet” and, after I explained to you how I felt, that “I should have looked at it as an opportunity to overcome my shyness” was not helpful in the least. Fuck you.
Just who do you think you are? Yes, I like making people happy. I want everyone to get along – I will put up with a ton of shit if everyone else appears to be content. But there is a line. Past that point I will not bend, I will not compromise. I know it’s a shock because up to that point I let you do pretty much whatever. If you back off and try to compromise we can move forward; keep pushing and I will stop caring about you. And trust me, I WILL remember.
I am trying very hard to be fair and not manipulate you. I haven’t let you see my tears of frustration or the anger that is building up. But if you continue trying to steamroll me I will let you have it full blast. And it will serve. you. right. I do try to be considerate of other people’s feelings, why can’t you?
<end rant>
I feel slightly better now. *sigh*
I’ve been having issues with people and I’m getting fed up. I don’t know if there’s something wrong me or with the people I’m interacting with (probably a bit of both). I keep on running into the same problems with family members and significant others and I have to vent otherwise I’m going to erupt violently and leave traumatized survivors shaking in my wake. I’m not going to go any deeper into the backstory as I'm already upset enough.
<start rant>
I’m introverted. I’m also smart, nerdy and shy. There is nothing wrong with me – this is my personality. I’m in my mid-20’s; I can develop on top of what I have but I cannot change what I am. Telling me that I think too much, that I don’t have good social skills, and that I need to be able to talk to people at the drop of a hat will not endear you to me. Guess what? I can function quite well if I don’t feel like there’s someone watching me and critiquing my every move. So Back. Off.
Another thing – apparently I’m attractive. Hot, even. No, I don’t want to spend hours shopping or trying to keep up with the latest fashion. I do care about appearances but only to a certain degree; if 1) my outfit matches, 2) the colors suit me, and 3) everything is neat and clean I’m happy. I’m a jeans and t-shirt sort of girl; I can be trendy if I feel like it but that’s definitely not all the time. Stop trying to make me care – little comments all the time just wear away at my self-confidence until I don’t even want to try.
Apparently I’m “different” from other women that you know. I do tend to say odd things and be intense in my emotions. I know this. I try to keep it down but you know what? I’m getting too old to be worried about what other people think about me. I’m not going to make myself more “normal” for you (besides, I’m not that different; I just tend to express myself differently). If other people don’t like that then I will not inflict my presence on them – I don’t mind much because I know that certain personalities will grate on each other and there’s nothing anyone can do about that.
Note: I have to admit that I find it ironic that people are drawn to me because I’m different but then later try to change that which attracted them in the first place. What gives?
Let me pay for things from time to time. I don’t like you bearing the cost for everything because it makes me feel like a blood-sucking parasite and a user. Besides, I’m not romantic. I have no idea what to do to keep the relationship at an acceptable give-and-take level without bearing my fair share of the costs. If you don’t let me do this I will feel useless and depressed.
I don’t like being told what to do. If I’m at work or school that’s one thing; employers and/or supervisors have authority to give me orders. You do not. Don’t tell me “You need to do this” or start off a thought with “The problem with you is…”. You do not have the authority to tell me to do anything. Got that? If I decide to make a change based on a suggestion of yours that’s a different matter altogether. The choice was mine. I will decide who I am, what I look like, and where I’m going in life.
By the way, I understand that I misread your text. I missed a crucial word and instead of the night of casual bar-hopping I expected it turned out to be one of your friend’s birthdays at a decidedly NOT CASUAL area. I didn’t know you that well, I knew no one else there, it was an area I’m never at, I was the only person in jeans, and I had no way to escape as you had driven. I wanted to sink through the floor - I felt embarrassed, acutely self-conscious and didn’t know what to do about it (all I had was the nebulous feeling that whatever I did at that point was going to be wrong). I’m not a clubber or that much of a partier; I had nothing in common with those people. Telling me later that I was “really quiet” and, after I explained to you how I felt, that “I should have looked at it as an opportunity to overcome my shyness” was not helpful in the least. Fuck you.
Just who do you think you are? Yes, I like making people happy. I want everyone to get along – I will put up with a ton of shit if everyone else appears to be content. But there is a line. Past that point I will not bend, I will not compromise. I know it’s a shock because up to that point I let you do pretty much whatever. If you back off and try to compromise we can move forward; keep pushing and I will stop caring about you. And trust me, I WILL remember.
I am trying very hard to be fair and not manipulate you. I haven’t let you see my tears of frustration or the anger that is building up. But if you continue trying to steamroll me I will let you have it full blast. And it will serve. you. right. I do try to be considerate of other people’s feelings, why can’t you?
<end rant>
I feel slightly better now. *sigh*
)
. 
So many people just cannot understand anything outside of their own experience. They believe that if they like A, everyone likes A, and something's wrong with you if you prefer B.
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