Am I reading too much into this or...(love issues)

[Midnight12]

I went to check my e-mail and DH accidentally left his up IE didn't sign out of yahoo mail. I saw a response from one of his friends who is getting married.

" My feelings for you hasn't changed much over the years. Still like you as usual, and as much as it pains me to see you getting married it also makes me happy that you found someone too. "

Am I reading too much into this? He is known to be overly nice to the point of sticking his neck out and getting hurt. HOWEVER before I married him he had told me about how this woman had been mean and flaky to him. My issue is that if he still had feelings for her why pick me? I want to know before I take issue with this.

Should I be upset and hurt by this or blow it off as him being nice again? Any advice please

[BookstoreEscapee]

I don't know...maybe it's the skeptic in me but I have to wonder if his leaving that up on the screen was really an accident...

On the one hand, talking to him about it might bring up something you don't want to hear...on the other, trying to ignore it might just eat at you until it becomes a much bigger deal than maybe it needs to be...not knowing you or him I can't really say which is most likely...

Also, remember that he did pick you.

[Midnight12]

true. I think for now I will put it out of my mind, and i am not sure if him leaving it up was intentional or not. best not to think of every little action right now. i have a full plate of issues already. thankies for the input

[trailerparkmedic]

Some of the best advice I've been given is to not ask a question you don't really want the answer to.

[Evil Queen]

How long have you two been married?

[BookstoreEscapee]

Still like you as usual, and as much as it pains me to see you getting married it also makes me happy that you found someone too.

Another thought... he's not exactly declaring his undying love, here. "Still like you as usual" isn't exactly romance novel-worthy...Lots of people have a "one that got away" that they think about from time to time, even if they are happily together with someone else and don't want to change that. She's getting married; often finding out an ex is getting married brings on a little pang of nostalgia or whatever. Doesn't mean you want to get back together with the person (been there, and I wouldn't get back together with him for anything).

[Midnight12]

his response. he loves her like a sister. i let it go, still suspicious. but if i take offense to it now its my own fault. as he said the same as BookStoreEscapee, he did pick me. and if he cared for her that much why did he pick me. et al

[Eric the Grey]

his response. he loves her like a sister. i let it go, still suspicious. but if i take offense to it now its my own fault. as he said the same as BookStoreEscapee, he did pick me. and if he cared for her that much why did he pick me. et al

Too many people seem to think that a person cannot love more than one at a time without being unfaithful. It's simply not true. We fall in and out of love, or the one we love doesn't return the feelings. We move on. It's a part of life in today's society. Love sometimes dies, but not always. We sometimes remember past loves fondly. That doesn't mean we'll go running off to them if the chance comes along.

I loved a girl once. She didn't return my feelings. I still love her, and if I hadn't found D and married her, I might still go running to her if she ever called and said she wanted me. I would definitely be there for her now, but as a friend, not a potential lover (we never even dated, it was truly unrequited love).

I don't believe we ever fully get over out past loves. Sometimes, if they hurt us a lot, but I don't think it's ever complete. I expect that my wife, D has past lovers that she remembers fondly, but she chose me and that means a lot. I love her with all my heart, but it doesn't mean that my past love has gone away completely.

Try not to worry. It seems that he was honest with you. Don't dwell on it, because it will do no good. It's someone from his past and it's unlikely to ever be an issue, and you can't condemn him for his past feelings for someone.



Eric the Grey

[TheSHAD0W]

Robert A. Heinlein's definition of love is when someone else's well-being is essential to your own.

Think about this a bit.

(1) Love is not a positive emotion; it is negative. Loving someone doesn't necessarily make you feel good, but it can definitely make you feel bad. Sharing in the happiness of someone you love may make you feel good, but that can happen with people you don't love.

(2) If you love more than one person, that multiplies the ways you can be made to feel bad. Don't be angry if your beau also loves someone else; pity him instead.

(3) This definition also describes a feedback loop; the person you love feels bad, which makes you feel bad; that person also loves you, which makes them feel even worse; and so on. This is why people who love each other can get into such horrible arguments, including physical fights, especially when they know subconsciously the source of their pain but don't consciously understand why.

[Magpie]

Robert A. Heinlein's definition of love is when someone else's well-being is essential to your own.

Heinlein is also incredibly cynical and had a rather twisted of how the world works. While his definition makes sense, what he always said that definition meant didn't. Also, from everything I have heard, he and his wife had an excellent partnership.

[Midnight12]

How long have you two been married?

to finally answer EQ, almost 2 years. doesn't help i have a hard time trusting after being hurt so many times before I met my husband.

letting it go i have other things to worry about such as a possible mammogram next week

thank you for the advice