nasty family situation

[KellyHabersham]

*If anyone has advice on how to handle this, it would be much appreciated!*


Apparently there was an incident earlier today involving Heather (my daughter) and her younger cousins.......I don't know the exact details because I was at work, but Patty (my sister) posted something about it on Facebook, and basically told the entire world personal family issues. I noticed the comment when I got home, replied with asking her to be more discreet with what she posts about Heather, and mentioned the said comments to my mom......who had been present when the incident occurred.

Meanwhile, Heather was really upset about some of the things which Patty had posted about her, and my mom decided to call their house to say something about it. The comments did get removed from Facebook, but it's created a LOT of nasty feelings and issues......my brother-in-law deleted me from his friends list (and possibly blocked me), Patty is pissed off at my mom for calling and seems to feel that anyone who objected to her comments is "immature", our family is dysfunctional, and unfortunately most people on her Facebook are backing up/supporting this viewpoint.

Now, I'm NOT saying that Heather did nothing wrong, and there's definitely things which she needs to get sorted out. However, I also don't feel that personal family issues need to/should be posted on Facebook for the entire world to read......especially when it's not true and involves my daughter. (Guess I should mention what supposedly happened.......Heather and a friend were playing "Truth or Dare" with Patty's kids, and supposedly they forced one of them to lick an old mattress with cat-piss stains on it)

[RecoveringKinkoid]

It shouldn't surprise anyone that a person so immature she overshares on a public forum about her niece and about personal family issues of this nature also is immature enough to get mad about it when the rest of the family calls her on it.

If I were you, I wouldn't lose too many nights sleep worrying about how your sister got her feelings hurt. She owes the rest of you an apology for being indiscrete. That's something a twelve year old would do, post all that crap on FB.

[MaggieTheCat]

I assume your daughter Heather is a teenager, or pre-teen? Kids do stupid things. Everyone knows it. Parents are supposed to have much more experience and wisdom than kids, but your sister sounds like a pre-teen herself. "Wah wah, my little niece was mean to my daughter, she's such a brat, everyone should hate her!" What kind of attitude is that? If she had a problem with Heather, she should take it up with you or whoever Heather's primary guardian is, not cry about it on FB. It makes her look foolish and immature.

I'm with Kink, try not to dwell on it too much. I'm sure this crap will blow over eventually. It doesn't sound like your sister is the brightest bulb in the bunch anyway...I wouldn't want to be too close to someone with an attitude like her's.

[KellyHabersham]

Oh, I'm definitely trying not to dwell on it - but yeah, this isn't the first time there's been an incident of this sort in the family. Patty's never been skilled at keeping quiet with personal/family issues, and it's happened before that when a dispute has come up, her husband (and sometimes her friends) believe whatever she says and back her up no matter what.

[blas]

Kink has it right, as usual. Don't let your sister get you down.

Unfortunately, for the wrong kinds of people, Facebook has become the ultimate gossip-spreading, dirty laundry-airing mothership.

[KellyHabersham]

Well, the problem is that many of our friends and family members are on Patty's Facebook, and (going by the responses I've seen on her wall), they all seem to feel that her behavior is appropriate and are agreeing with whatever she says. And while I'm sure that they don't know the entire story, my gut feeling is that nobody would be willing to listen to the other side of things.......especially since it was NOT true what Patty claimed that my daughter did.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Well, I certainly would not retaliate in kind. That just looks like two people making bad judgement calls and airing dirty laundry.

And if people want to believe slander without getting the whole story, well, they aren't really quality people and it really shouldn't matter.

If anyone does bring it up to you in private, maybe just say "well, I don't know why my sister would make up stuff and slander a minor child in public, but it's disappointing that to us she would do that. We're all pretty shocked at her behavior and Heather is just crushed that her aunt would make up stories about her." And leave it at that.

Of course, were it me, I'd certainly have to reevaluate my relationship with the sister and re-mark some boundaries.

[KellyHabersham]

Well, I certainly would not retaliate in kind. That just looks like two people making bad judgement calls and airing dirty laundry.

And if people want to believe slander without getting the whole story, well, they aren't really quality people and it really shouldn't matter.

If anyone does bring it up to you in private, maybe just say "well, I don't know why my sister would make up stuff and slander a minor child in public, but it's disappointing that to us she would do that. We're all pretty shocked at her behavior and Heather is just crushed that her aunt would make up stories about her." And leave it at that.

Of course, were it me, I'd certainly have to reevaluate my relationship with the sister and re-mark some boundaries.

Most of the people who made supportive comments aren't people whom I know (and probably won't ever talk to), so I'm not too concerned with what they think.....but definitely if I ever do hear from Patty or her husband, I'm going to have to say something about it would be appreciated if personal issues involving my child would NOT get posted on their Facebook pages, and I'm sorry if they don't understand where I'm coming from.

[KellyHabersham]

An update of sorts - I was checking to see if a few friend requests had been accepted on Facebook this morning, and going by the one thread Patty has which shows up on my wall, she is STILL giving inaccurate stories and blabbing personal info.
So, I've just decided to delete her from my friends list, and if she ever says anything, I'll tell her that I've asked her to please be discreet with which she posts about Heather on Facebook, I don't appreciate being labeled as a "tattletale" when that is NOT what happened, and I'm not telling her what to post on her Facebook, I just don't want it showing up on my wall.

[KellyHabersham]

The latest I have on the situation is that my brother-in-law called a few minutes ago, and my mom is going to be babysitting my nephew (their oldest child) Thursday night, and taking him to school on Friday morning. I didn't answer the phone or anything, but apparently he said nothing about the whole situation, and while I'd love to see my nephew, I do NOT want to see his parents........keeping my fingers crossed that I won't have to.