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Hope Help (long) (kinda NSFW)
This is a pretty long story, so I'll shorten is as best I can.
My first boyfriend(who I will call Dean) is a really great guy. He's sweet, caring to the point where he always puts others befor himself, worries too much, and is very respectful. When we were dating, he would always ask me before doing anything, even kissing. He would still ask me if I was ok after though
So, overall good guy.
Near the 3 month mark, he was under a lot of stress with family issues and we started having arguments over nothing. Basically, he would get upset over something trivial, I would tell him to calm down; It's not a big deal, he would get upset with me for not being as sympathetic as I usually am, then we would wind up getting upset with each other. I, thinking he would be better off without me, ended it. I thought we were making each other miserable and that he deserved someone better. However, I still had feelings for him, so I dated my second boyfriend who I will call Dick.
Dick was, well, a dick. A wanna-be playboy obsessed with sex and drugs and lying. I seriously think he never told me one truth. I never had sex with him, but he was able to pressure me into doing other things. It would be:
Dick: Let's do blank.
Me: No, I don't feel comfortable doing blank.
Dick: Then you don't love me.
Me: I do, I just don't want to do blank.
Dick: You're lying because you don't love me.
Me: No, I'm not.
Dick: Fine, don't do it then.
I would cave and do blank anyway.
He would change his tune real quick.
I would feel cheap and used for doing what he demanded.
All in all, it was a bad relationship. Near the end, he etarted spouting this crap about how his friend andy got shot and killed and he buried him in the woods and he was in mourning. Then he stopped answering my texts and calls completely. One day, I finally got a text saying he needed to be alone and wanted to break up. The think about bad relationships is, no matter how bad they are, you still feel like you need that person because it's what they told you over and over. Like if someone tells you you are a fat cow 10 times a day, everyday for a year, you start to believe it.
A mutual friend who I will call Mark texted me one day after I told him Dick broke up with me. The convo went like this:
Mark: I was expecting you to call me last week.
Me: Why?
Mark: That's when he broke up with you.
Me: No, he did that yesterday.
Mark: Really? I guess he lied again.
Me: He said Andy's death was hitting him hard.
Mark: Who?
Me: Andy.
Mark: I have been Dick's best friend for years and I have never heard of Andy.
Me: Nice...
Mark: I saw him with Slut last week and he said he dumped you.
Note: Slut is Dick's ex who he dumped after catching her naked with his neighbor.
Me: Great....cheating asshole
Yupp. So he was cheating on me with Slut, then dumped me for Slut. Mark asked me on a "friend date" to cheer me up. We went bowling, but it wasn't a friend date. The whole time, he was groping my ass, telling me how hot I looked and what-not. I asked him to stop. He apologised, saying he was just trying to help. He drove me to his house saying we were going to watch a movie. We did, but he started touching on me the whole time. Finally, I made up a nice lie saying my mom wanted me home by 10pm(it was 9:45 at the time) and that I really needed to get going. He flat out refused. I was ordered to give him a blowjob. I refused. He said, "Well, you're not going home until you do". I went against my nature and delivered a straight-faced lie saying I would do it, but only for 15 seconds. Then, he would take me home and I would make it up to him when I had more time. He said 30 seconds and he would do it. When I got home, I deleted and blocked his number and never talked to him again.
He wasn't the only one either. I went on casual friend dates with a few other guys that ended with them trying to get me to go to their house and me going home(them driving or me walking). All these incidents developed a distrust of men and confidence issues. One day, I was talking to a friend who brought up Dean. I said I really wanted to talk to him again but he probably hated me now. Friend said to give it a shot. I did and Dean acted like nothing ever happened saying he missed me and was so glad I texted and asked how I've been. I gave minimal detail only saying how Dick dumped me after cheating on me. We became friends again and just being friends made me love him all over again.
He had a girlfriend at the time, so I kept that secret. Soon, he dumped her because she was kinda slutty. I began planning how to tell him and how to ask him out. I kept getting scared, thinking he would say no and would always decide to not tell him. Soon, he got a new girlfriend. I cried and scolded myself for being weak and cowardly. Luckily, they didn't last long and I finally worked up the courage to tell him. As it turned out, he still loved me too but I was still worried about the scars left by other men(I didn't want my issues to ruin anything) so I asked if we could be put off dating until I worked out a few things. He agreed, but secretly thought I said that to avoid hurting his feelings and got another girlfriend. I cried again. He apologised and felt really bad for assuming things and promised he would stay single next time until I was ready. One day, I wound up letting out, for the first time, all the shit that other guys have done to me and how it messed me up. I expected him to call me a slut and shun me. Instead, he hugged me and comforted me, leting me breakdown like a child.
Now, I have problems trusting any man, even Dean. When he doens't answer his phone, I get flashbacks of Dick ignoring my calls while he's cheating on me. when he says he was sleeping, I get flashbacks of Dick saying he was sleeping but later seeing semen staining his sheets.
Him and his girlfriend have been having some issues like her being a bit controlling and them having arguments. (I guess she TOLD him exactly where she wants to get married, where the honeymoon will be, how many kids she wants to have, what their names will be, how many kids she wants to adopt, what their names and genders and ethnicities will be and where she wants to live in what kind of house; She will not bend on any of those details)
The thing about Dean is he hates hurting others, which is why he has trouble ending relationships. He told me he loves me but he doesn't want to break up with her just yet because he does care about her(they were friends for years) and doesn't want to hurt her. Now, he is saying he doesn't know what to do and needs time to think. I want to believe he still cares and still wants to be with me, but I'm really not sure and I'm afraid to ask. I've tried dating other guys, but it never works out because they are never as good a person as Dean is and never as understanding of my scars. I'm damaged goods and most guys are looking for the shiney, new models.
I'd like hope that everything will work out. Please, no scolding me for my past mistakes. I know I screwed up and don't need to be reminded of that. Also, I don't have the money for a therapist and I don't like them anyway. I have tried them in the past, but it just feels like me whining to someone while they pick me apart and tell me things I already know. I have been hurt by men? REALLY? I figured that one out on my own, thanks. I need to date men that don't want to rape me. Great advice doc. Here's $100. I can whine on here, it's free and I bet I'll get better advice
My first boyfriend(who I will call Dean) is a really great guy. He's sweet, caring to the point where he always puts others befor himself, worries too much, and is very respectful. When we were dating, he would always ask me before doing anything, even kissing. He would still ask me if I was ok after though
So, overall good guy. Near the 3 month mark, he was under a lot of stress with family issues and we started having arguments over nothing. Basically, he would get upset over something trivial, I would tell him to calm down; It's not a big deal, he would get upset with me for not being as sympathetic as I usually am, then we would wind up getting upset with each other. I, thinking he would be better off without me, ended it. I thought we were making each other miserable and that he deserved someone better. However, I still had feelings for him, so I dated my second boyfriend who I will call Dick.
Dick was, well, a dick. A wanna-be playboy obsessed with sex and drugs and lying. I seriously think he never told me one truth. I never had sex with him, but he was able to pressure me into doing other things. It would be:
Dick: Let's do blank.
Me: No, I don't feel comfortable doing blank.
Dick: Then you don't love me.
Me: I do, I just don't want to do blank.
Dick: You're lying because you don't love me.
Me: No, I'm not.
Dick: Fine, don't do it then.
I would cave and do blank anyway.
He would change his tune real quick.
I would feel cheap and used for doing what he demanded.
All in all, it was a bad relationship. Near the end, he etarted spouting this crap about how his friend andy got shot and killed and he buried him in the woods and he was in mourning. Then he stopped answering my texts and calls completely. One day, I finally got a text saying he needed to be alone and wanted to break up. The think about bad relationships is, no matter how bad they are, you still feel like you need that person because it's what they told you over and over. Like if someone tells you you are a fat cow 10 times a day, everyday for a year, you start to believe it.
A mutual friend who I will call Mark texted me one day after I told him Dick broke up with me. The convo went like this:
Mark: I was expecting you to call me last week.
Me: Why?
Mark: That's when he broke up with you.
Me: No, he did that yesterday.
Mark: Really? I guess he lied again.
Me: He said Andy's death was hitting him hard.
Mark: Who?
Me: Andy.
Mark: I have been Dick's best friend for years and I have never heard of Andy.
Me: Nice...
Mark: I saw him with Slut last week and he said he dumped you.
Note: Slut is Dick's ex who he dumped after catching her naked with his neighbor.
Me: Great....cheating asshole
Yupp. So he was cheating on me with Slut, then dumped me for Slut. Mark asked me on a "friend date" to cheer me up. We went bowling, but it wasn't a friend date. The whole time, he was groping my ass, telling me how hot I looked and what-not. I asked him to stop. He apologised, saying he was just trying to help. He drove me to his house saying we were going to watch a movie. We did, but he started touching on me the whole time. Finally, I made up a nice lie saying my mom wanted me home by 10pm(it was 9:45 at the time) and that I really needed to get going. He flat out refused. I was ordered to give him a blowjob. I refused. He said, "Well, you're not going home until you do". I went against my nature and delivered a straight-faced lie saying I would do it, but only for 15 seconds. Then, he would take me home and I would make it up to him when I had more time. He said 30 seconds and he would do it. When I got home, I deleted and blocked his number and never talked to him again.
He wasn't the only one either. I went on casual friend dates with a few other guys that ended with them trying to get me to go to their house and me going home(them driving or me walking). All these incidents developed a distrust of men and confidence issues. One day, I was talking to a friend who brought up Dean. I said I really wanted to talk to him again but he probably hated me now. Friend said to give it a shot. I did and Dean acted like nothing ever happened saying he missed me and was so glad I texted and asked how I've been. I gave minimal detail only saying how Dick dumped me after cheating on me. We became friends again and just being friends made me love him all over again.
He had a girlfriend at the time, so I kept that secret. Soon, he dumped her because she was kinda slutty. I began planning how to tell him and how to ask him out. I kept getting scared, thinking he would say no and would always decide to not tell him. Soon, he got a new girlfriend. I cried and scolded myself for being weak and cowardly. Luckily, they didn't last long and I finally worked up the courage to tell him. As it turned out, he still loved me too but I was still worried about the scars left by other men(I didn't want my issues to ruin anything) so I asked if we could be put off dating until I worked out a few things. He agreed, but secretly thought I said that to avoid hurting his feelings and got another girlfriend. I cried again. He apologised and felt really bad for assuming things and promised he would stay single next time until I was ready. One day, I wound up letting out, for the first time, all the shit that other guys have done to me and how it messed me up. I expected him to call me a slut and shun me. Instead, he hugged me and comforted me, leting me breakdown like a child.
Now, I have problems trusting any man, even Dean. When he doens't answer his phone, I get flashbacks of Dick ignoring my calls while he's cheating on me. when he says he was sleeping, I get flashbacks of Dick saying he was sleeping but later seeing semen staining his sheets.
Him and his girlfriend have been having some issues like her being a bit controlling and them having arguments. (I guess she TOLD him exactly where she wants to get married, where the honeymoon will be, how many kids she wants to have, what their names will be, how many kids she wants to adopt, what their names and genders and ethnicities will be and where she wants to live in what kind of house; She will not bend on any of those details)
The thing about Dean is he hates hurting others, which is why he has trouble ending relationships. He told me he loves me but he doesn't want to break up with her just yet because he does care about her(they were friends for years) and doesn't want to hurt her. Now, he is saying he doesn't know what to do and needs time to think. I want to believe he still cares and still wants to be with me, but I'm really not sure and I'm afraid to ask. I've tried dating other guys, but it never works out because they are never as good a person as Dean is and never as understanding of my scars. I'm damaged goods and most guys are looking for the shiney, new models.
I'd like hope that everything will work out. Please, no scolding me for my past mistakes. I know I screwed up and don't need to be reminded of that. Also, I don't have the money for a therapist and I don't like them anyway. I have tried them in the past, but it just feels like me whining to someone while they pick me apart and tell me things I already know. I have been hurt by men? REALLY? I figured that one out on my own, thanks. I need to date men that don't want to rape me. Great advice doc. Here's $100. I can whine on here, it's free and I bet I'll get better advice
and I have unlimited text too
I miss banana milk 
That's...well to be frank, that's bloody awful! Dick is such a horrid example of humanity, I shudder. And...what was his name...Mark's not better at all. How horrible of him and anyone else to force you into unwanted sexual contact. That's despicable beyond words.
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