Holey Celphone Batman!

[Anubicdarque]

I used to work as a CSR for a prepaid mobile phone company (cel phone) here in Australia.
One day I received a call from someone who...uhhh...had a problem...

Me: Welcome to ------phone, how can I help you?

Customer: Hi, yes, I was wondering if I am allowed to drill holes though my phone

Me: Umm why would you want to drill holes though your phone?

Customer: Its the best way to stop the aliens listening into my calls

Me: Well it is your phone, your allowed to do what you like with it in that regards, but if you do that your phone will no longer work

Customer: Nah thats cool, Just as long as the aliens cant hear my calls.

Me:...

[tropicsgoddess]

uh.... . Not to threadjack, this reminds me of when one of my poor co-workers had this lady call in and thought that her wireless connection was killing her dog.

[Fox One]

uh.... . Not to threadjack, this reminds me of when one of my poor co-workers had this lady call in and thought that her wireless connection was killing her dog.

Wait...what? Please elaborate...

[tropicsgoddess]

Wait...what? Please elaborate...

Yeah, it's a true story...she was actually crazy. Hell, a couple of other agents and a supervisor dealt with another crazy customer that would blurt out "COOKIES!" randomly ala cookie monster and would laugh at any given moment. She even would ask if she was dreaming or if she was in reality, she was actually state certified insane....

[Red_Dazes]

.....Gotta watch out for those crafty aliens.... Cause you know.... YOUR so important to this world that they are listening to YOUR calls.

Here. Have a tinfoil hat. I even made the top all point-tastic for you.....

[LingualMonkey]

Here. Have a tinfoil hat. I even made the top all point-tastic for you.....

Protect YOURSELF!

http://zapatopi.net/afdb/

[Victoria J]

I have a job which does involve some work with those with mental health problems.

Which doesn't stop it being a bit hard to answer when someone asked for my advice about what to do about the people using black magic to harass him and make him faint. I worked so hard to deal with him professionally and I ended up explaining that we couldn't assist with that as black magic isn't illegal in the UK, and suggesting he (a) see his doctor "to rule out any physical cause" (*wink wink*), (b) could see a psychologist to "learn better ways of dealing with the situation" (*nudge nudge*) and (c) could seek spiritual advice. [Translation - Get help now, you're nuts. And this is out of our realm of expertise].

He then asked me to recommend a religion. I declined.

I once saw an elderly lady who I suspect was both senile and had other problems including paranoia. She wanted advice about leaving her home and never going back because she was worried "they" had tracked her down. The thought of her having nowhere to live was scary - she was so old and frail. But when I tried to talk to her she just started singing 3 blind mice at me. That one kind of broke my heart.

I hate it when sometimes I feel that I've crossed the line into treating people with the same respect and lack of judgement as anyone else (my job - I advise on what people tell me) and humouring people.

I advised someone once who wanted to track down a doctor who'd once treated him based on hidden codes on his medical records. The codes where in blue pen on the photocopies.

I saw one person who scared my then manager so much (with reasonably good reason - he was a diagnosed sociopath who had stabbed one of his doctors) that the manager agreed to photocopy hundreds of pages of rants written on the back of cereal packets. The file was also filled with correspondence between the man and a company regarding them having stopped producing his favourite soup.

I had someone with mental health problems ask me if they could move to Cornwall (many many miles away and one of the most isolated places in England). I talked to him at length about how he could do that, what he should consider and how they would pay his benefit just as well there as here. At the end he left happily saying "So you're saying I should move to Cornwall. What a great suggestion - I'll do it". Nooo. I did not tell you to do that !

I have another regular who we advised for a couple of years including with regard to how his girlfriend affected things (like housing and benefit) before we discovered she was imaginary.

However as I say it does go with the job to an extent. It's much more interesting how people in completely unrelated jobs have to deal with this stuff. I've been told that pest control people get it a lot - someone working in that field said that a significant proportion of their calls are plain nuts. Sometimes it's obvious - such as the call to remove aliens from the skirting boards. Other times they turn up to spray for insects and the person starts pointing to invisible insects...

Victoria J

[PhotoChick]

I have another regular who we advised for a couple of years including with regard to how his girlfriend affected things (like housing and benefit) before we discovered she was imaginary.

That's great. How'd you find out she was imaginary?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When my mom worked in the local public health care center (where a lot of mentally-handicapped people were housed), she had a resident who kept telling her that bowel gas (flatulence?) was coming into her room through the electrical outlets.

[Seenoevil]

Other times they turn up to spray for insects and the person starts pointing to invisible insects...

Ah, yes... Delusional Parisitosis. I had one customer call us out to treat her home for insects that would bite her at night while she was sleeping. She'd saved some in a jar. So when we got there expecting to see fleas or bedbugs possibly she instead showed us a jar of......








...pieces of her own skin she'd pinched off her arms and legs.

Yeah we told her there was a medication her doctor could give her that would "repel" these insects. Suggested she bring the jar to show him so he knew to give her the right kind.