From the mouth of a 4 year old girl, "You can't do this! I have a phone!"

[Gabrielle Proctor]

I have two jobs, one at a hobby shop and the other as a personal assistant for a woman who has 3 kids and a company to run. The two older kids are 7 and 10, but the youngest just turned 4 three weeks ago (let's call her Ashley, but that is not her real name). For her birthday she recieved a cinderella princess play cell phone, which she uses frequently to tell lies.

Me- Ashley, what are you doing?
Ash- *while climbing the kitchen cabinets* Getting my candy.
Me- I don't think your mom would want you to have candy for breakfast.
Ash- I just called her on my phone and she said it was okay.
Me- You called her on your cindrella phone?
Ash- Yeah.
Me- Somehow, I'm inclined to think that you're lying to me...
Ash- I'm not LYING!!!
Me- Okay, okay...So, what kind of plan does that phone get? Cingular, verizon...magic...? Free nights and weekends?
Ash- Same as my mom's. *clever little brat*
Me- Well, you have her call me and until then you can get down.

Another situation-

The kids do homeschool. Ashley was in their at home class room doing something repetitive and annoying (I can't remember what it was) and I told her, politetly, to stop about 5 times. She kept on doing it and I told her if she didn't stop I would have to kick her out of the room.

Ash- You can't do that.
Me- Yes I can.
Ash- No, you can't.
Me- Okay, you get to leave now. *goes to pick her up and take her out of the room*
Ash- Ahhhhhhhh!!!! NO!!! *proceeds to kick me*
Me- Ouch! *grabs her ankles* You can't kick people, Ashley, it's not nice.
Ash- YES I CAN!
Me- Okay, up you go. *picks her up*
Ash- You can't do this, I HAVE A PHONE!
Me- *Dumps her outside the room and shuts door*
Ash- *can cry and scream VERY loudly*
Me- *doesn't care very much*

When my employer's niece came over to help watch the kids after her surgery, Ashley did the same thing to her! Kicked her and said, "I have a phone!" So, I have taken away the phone and put it on top of the refridgerator until she can behave.

Anyone have any tips on how I can keep her temper and attitude under control? I always try to be nice until they start whining or throwing things.

[April]

Just be consistant. If you punish her for something once, you must punish her for the same thign EVERYTIME she does it.

Give her ONE warning. IE "Stop doing ____ if you do tht again, you will go in time out" and stick by it.

Make sure you explain what you want her to do and how she is to do it. I know that you know that SHE knows (LOL) the rules, but explain them anyway and make sure she understands them

[volatile]

Tell the mother. If she doesn't do anything about it then she will be the downfall of the kid when she grows up. I have a strange feeling that she probably spoils them or let's them do whatever they want.

[Boozy]

It sounds like you're doing a good job! Taking away privileges and favourite toys is always a good idea, especially when one the toys is causing the attitude to begin with.
The one thing I learned is that kids will respond pretty quickly to your moods. Yelling, for example, always results in more yelling from the child. So if you keep your voice low and calm and don't get worked up, Ashley should eventually settle down. It's not always possible (like if she's about to do something dangerous and you've got a split second), but its helpful in the long run.

[air914]

Hmm so where did she learn this "I can act like an whiny SC if I have a phone" act??

[wagegoth]

It sounds like Ashley (like many kids) is not getting the attention she needs from her parent(s). There is a limit to how much you can do about it, but there are a few things (I really don't know how your time is split between assisting the mother and watching the kids):

Get her to talk to you.

As much time as you can spare for one-on-one play or chat time.

Keep doing what you're doing with the phone. Discipline has to be consistent.

She really needs more time with other kids. That's one of the things I really dislike about many home schoolers, they do it to limit their children's contact with anyone other than themselves. That will be something Mom will have to arrange (or the nanny). (Before anyone yells, many home schoolers are very good about getting their children out to play and interact. Also, I don't think that that schools are necessarily the best way to learn how to behave with others.)

Have something special that only the two of you do together. She'll look forward to seeing you, and be more willing to listen to you when you tell her to do something.

Good luck.

FYI: I'm a mother of two, and I also worked as an aide in a special education class of five to eight year olds.

[thegiraffe]

I agree 100% with the consistency thing.

ALSO - there are studies out there that show that children don't really understand what a lie is until they're about 6 or 7 years old. They know that it's bad, but they can't really apply the concept until then. I would recommend sitting down and explaining to her that she can "pretend-call" mommy on the phone, but that both you and she know that she can't really call mommy. It's really hard for us to forget that these young children don't have concepts of things we see as simple.

I would also recommend NOT sending her to her room for her...behavior. Kids these days have all kinds of gadgets and toys in their rooms to play with - that's not at all a punishment. When I babysat for one family, I would sit the kids on a stool in the bathroom for as many minutes as they were old (4 years = 4 minutes). The bathroom I put them in didn't have all the fun bath toys and all - just a toilet, shower, and sink. That let them calm down, and I could shut the door if they were screaming.

I also suggest that you discuss her behavior with her mother, however don't completely transfer authority to her mother. The last thing you want is to not have any authority...she'll pick up on that faster than you realize it happening.

When you take things away, i.e. her phone, it's important that you explain WHY you're taking it away. Explain that you don't like her behavior, and that you don't like how she uses her phone as an excuse (they understand excuses at 4). At that age, you don't want to shatter her imaginative world - as that's really a very healthy development. However, she does need to understand that there's a difference between fantasy and reality. Good luck!

(and while we're listing credentials lol, I have a degree in psychology and work in an elementary school that's borderline Title-I with....quite the interesting population of students haha.)

[Gabrielle Proctor]

Thanks

Thanks for the tips.

It's really sad, but I have always thought of their mother as a single parent. She wanted to be a stay at home mom and be with her kids, but her husband opened up his own company and has her do all the bookwork. Her husband doesn't do much of anything but work out in the feild (industrial cleaning). And during the day, all of the neighbor's kids come over and cause a racket.

Unfortunately, Ashley doesn't get the attention she wants, but she does get attention. She is the type of child who, if she could, would be attached surgically to her mother's back. She isn't old enough to start school work yet, but she will hang around and distract the other kids.

The kids were in public school until the middle of this year. The public school system was trying to put the oldest (Marie, not real name) into special ed when she didn't need it. She has problems reading, but has drastically improved with extra help. She is far from special ed material. The school wouldn't help her or listen to her mother when she said she didn't want marie in those classes. I personally think that Marie does best in homeschool, but her brother (Aaron, again, not real name) needs to go back to school. I have recommended a private school on some days, but on most others I have giggled at the thought of him in military school. He can be a big brat because he doesn't want to do his worksheets.

[Tria]

I
(and while we're listing credentials lol, I have a degree in psychology and work in an elementary school that's borderline Title-I with....quite the interesting population of students haha.)

I'm the oldest of 17 grandchildren. I win. :P

[Will-Mun]

Anyone have any tips on how I can keep her temper and attitude under control?

Chloroform.

[Shironu-Akaineko]

Chloroform.

Hmmm, childhood memories...

[Lace Neil Singer]

Gin?

[AFpheonix]

candies of fun!

[zzapp the witch]

I have a shirt that says, "My parents beat me, and I turned out fine." which would probably indicate to you what action I would take in response to her tantrums.

[CrazedClerk]

what the heck does a 4 year old need with a phone anyway??