Another boob/co-worker thread

[Der Cute]

Hi everyone...I'd like some opinion/ input on this.

I'm a person with a curvy/chunky body, 38 C chest. Yeah that's average. (keep reading pls, it IS relevant) And I work in a field with mostly men. I'm the only female in this team, at the moment.

Something happened about a week ago that bothers me a little bit.

My boss, who's about 28-ish, was answering a question of mine. I was sitting in my desk chair, he was standing up. About half way thru his answer he stopped / was interrupted by other worker.

I turned my attention back to my boss, and caught him staring directly at my chest. Literally with mouth open.

We started our convo again, he lingered there in Cleaveland for a minute but came back to my eyes.

Now...leave this alone? Sit down with him?

*He's younger than me, by 6 years.
*He's a guy
*I'm only female in this team
*The shirt was form fitting, my chest was very obvious

I don't know.

See, I also catch him *adjusting* a lot. It's almost like a....status? Like he'll come over to what I'm in middle of w/ co -worker..(lets say we're wiring up a server rack) and boss talks to us...yadda yadda....has his hands in pants.....and at end of chat, he adjusts himself and walks away.

Hard part (no pun) is figuring out if he's adjusting around ME....or if that's a "I'm bigger than you" thing.

Still, I expect guys to adjust IT often, yeah, IT gets stuck/awkward, but...isn't there a limit between adjusting and pocket pool???

I do realize that if I sit down w/ him and point these out...it will change our working relationship.

Anyone got ideas?

Cutenoob

[RentalRacer]

If your boss has his hands in his pants while talking to you, that is completely inappropriate.

[Jester]

I am a guy. I am not a shy person. As you said, IT needs to get adjusted from time to time.

It is, however, completely inappropriate, in my opinion, to do so obviously in front of other people, male or female, when such a thing can be avoided. (There ARE times when it can't.)

That being said, you have to decide what kind of priority this has, and whether it is worth the headaches to you that addressing it will undoubtedly bring up. Good luck.

[Gurndigarn]

If always adjusting around you, he has a problem. Seriously, while male anatomy can act in awkward ways at times, the frequency of a male's body acting up has a proportional relationship to the amount that male thinks about sex. IE, if he got his mind out of the gutter, he would have fewer problems.

And adjusting is not a status symbol, at least among most guys.

Now... as for the hands in his pockets while talking to you... if he's obviously jacking off, that can fall into the sexual harrassment area. If he's not actually masturbating, then it's a bit fuzzier. You could probably make a case of it if you wanted to, but that's probably a bit more than is needed, because he's probably punishing himself with a nasty case of blueballs.

(This assumes that he keeps lusting you from afar, and that it doesn't bother you too much that he's doing so. If it bothers you, or he becomes more obvious about his actions, then a brief talk with either him (if he's the type to listen to warnings) or HR (if he's not) would be appropriate.)

[iradney]

Being the only female in the workplace or not, if he was blatantly staring at "the girls", and didn't have the common decency to apologise, then he needs to be taught a lesson. As beautiful as breasts are, there's a time and place to ogle them. The workplace is NOT that place, and a meeting with you is NOT that time.

[Der Cute]

Thanks for the input...keep it coming.

What my current thought is:

give the guy one shot. If I catch him ogling/drooling obviously again, I'll say something.

As for the adjusting...I don't know. Since I don't own one...I can't say for sure he's fiddling w/ it when he sees me. For all I know he could have jock itch! I wish I could be a fly on the wall to see what he does around other guys. That might give me some leverage. To say Boss adjusts 30x /hour around me...and 10x/hour around guys.

Keep the thoughts coming...

Cutenoob

[ContraCorriente]

First, it may be a good idea to cover up a little more at work. I have a large chest as well and it's amazing the difference a couple of inches of fabric can make. =)

If he kept adjusting himself in front of me, I would probably say something about it to embarrass him a bit. Sure, my boobs wiggle around a bit themselves, but there couldn't be a worse time to adjust them than in front of others, opposite sex or not. But if it continues, go to his super.

[iradney]

Not be snarky, but if she's wearing a fitted/tailored shirt that covers her breasts but doesn't obscure them the way an XXXXXL shirt would, that still doesn't give him the right to outwardly stare the way the OP described. And even with a large shirt, it's still obvious that you have large breasts - unless you strap them down.
Hell, she could wear a down-to-there top, and while he would be expected to glance, he still shouldn't S-T-A-R-E.
Yes, this is a major issue for me, can you tell?

[mrsjfreak]

I have a similar issue with 3 of my male coworkers. They're ALWAYS staring at my chest. Thing is, I'm NOT big chested. I'm a 36B. About average. I ALWAYS wear loose clothes to cover up, but I do tend to go into work on my days off to make a purchase, or see if someone needs a food run. I'm nice like that. But it bothers me when Mr 9 fingers sits there and is trying to wipe up the drool from him clothes because I happen to be in tight jeans and a form fitting shirt. But he turns around and says I'm not attractive.... yeah right.... guess what bud, I caught ya looking MORE than once. Not trying to sound conceited... One of my managers was in one of the stores, we were BOTH off clock, and I had come in in shorts and a tank top (couple weeks ago when it was 90). He made really rude remarks, but I don't know if I can say anything since neither of us were working. And the third one is just always trying to get me to go on a date with him. MEN!!

I don't mind what I hear from my other manager, because I KNOW he's not being sexual. He's always complimenting my choice of clothes and saying that I'm crazy for dieting to lose weight (technically I'm 10 pounds overweight, and yes I'm doing something about it). I don't consider that harassment because he's looking out for me. However when the other guys make it very clear as to which of my assets they're checking out, I AM bothered!!

Bottom line guys, keep your eyes in your head and your comments to yourself!!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Shit, I know that, cough cough, ummm..."masculine adjustments" have to be made from time to time, but the appropriate thing is to them where nobody else will have to see you doing it.

Like in the bathroom, for instance.

That guy sounds ignorant of his surrounding at best, and sleazy at worst.

[Seshat]

If there's a male co-worker who you can trust to understand why this bothers you, you could ask him to apply some subtle peer pressure - or to whack the leerer over the head with a cluebat, whichever will work.

I've found this to be the most effective method in the past. It doesn't make me happy to have to rely on someone else for application of clue, but saying something myself seems to cost the guy 'face' or status or something. Apparently having a male coworker tell him saves 'face' in some way.

(Any of our guys able to explain this phenomenon?)

[Rapscallion]

It's vaguely possible, with him being young, that he doesn't have enough control of his anatomy yet, hence the adjustments required from time to time. I've been in that position when I was younger, or at least part of me has. The bugger seems to have a mind of its own at times.

A pointed "My eyes are up here" type comment would help to alert him to the fact that his behaviour is unacceptable. If he continues after a mental jab like that, he's fair game for HR.

Rapscallion

[Jester]

I have a similar issue with 3 of my male coworkers. They're ALWAYS staring at my chest. Thing is, I'm NOT big chested. I'm a 36B. About average.

I'vw said it before and I'll say it again: it's not about quantity, it's about quality. You don't have to have big boobs for them to be ogleable.

Now I am not condoning your coworkers' behavior. I am merely saying that a lot of women seem to think that if their boobs aren't big, there is nothing to look at...and they are wrong.

[Der Cute]

Jester!
/thwap

If you're going to look, which you will, since you're not dead, just do it when WE can't see you.
Or wipe up the drool puddle you make.

That's really it, he's looking when I can see him, and having his hands a bit too much on his willy.

Cutenoob

[digilight]

Oh god please don't smack me.... Men will look, more often then not we've learned to be sly about it (in our minds) so that you don't realize it (yes you do, we are dumber then we think). But Men will try to be less obvious about it. Now boys will ogle/droll/and keep their eyes locked in a holding pattern. Plain and simple, if what he is doing is making you uncomfortable then it needs to stop. Now how you handle it depends on how you feel about him. You can talk to HR, use a male peer to lean on him like someone else mentioned, or you can talk to him directly. The more respect you have for him will influence the way you deal with it. Remember that you talking to him will not bring HR into it and red flag him (if he's a douche then he deserves to be flaged though).

Now as far as adjusting -vs- playing pocket pool goes.... Sure pretty much all guys have to adjust themselves from time to time. Its just thats theres appropriate times (In the can, after you've walked around the corner and theres no one there to witness it, in the car by yourself and other private times when no one else is around to be privey to it) and inappropriate times (in full view of employee's/coworkers/various other people at work, while you are carrying on a conversation with someone, at church, on the produce isle at vons). It's even worse if he's sticking his hand down his pants to readjust his junk and not just tugging it from the front.....

oh god...why oh why did I even get this far.....