My manager fired me yesterday. I have a few months left at this job.
My thoughts and emotions are all over the place. On one hand, I hated that job. I was under stress all the time. Every time my manager said my name, my stress level rose, because I was afraid that I had made a major mistake. I hated not being one of the Inner Circle (my manager has his favorites, and he makes it obvious). I hated being the one who always made the embarrassing mistakes. I lived in constant fear that I would be fired.
And now, that's happened. I need to start fearing something else, like winning the lottery or inheriting a large amount of money or receiving a huge reward.
On the other hand, it was steady work, and it kept me in the company of other people. I don't think it's good for me to be too alone.
I just keep going back and forth. My manager offered to give me a recommendation, and he was even sitting there suggesting various places I could try for employment. This was nice of him.
He has to adhere to the law of this country, which means you have to give the fired employee sufficient notice. He's even ensured that I'll continue to be paid for the month after I'm gone, which, as far as I know, is not the law here.
I just... I don't know what to do about myself. This isn't the first job I've had where I lived in mortal terror of being fired. (All those other jobs also ended in firing, by the way.) This isn't the first job I've hated. This isn't the first job that didn't pay me well enough. This isn't the first job that didn't fulfill me in any way.
I don't want to spend any more time doing work I hate. I don't want to spend time doing work I don't like. If I get freelance in a line of work that pays well, then at least I'll be more than supporting myself while I retrain for a profession I really do want, and for which I have a real talent. This is acceptable.
I have some months of steady income, at least. And I don't have any plans for Christmas, luckily for me. There is the surgery in January, and now, I don't need to plan it around work. Not around this work, anyway.
Today, I saw several T-shirts that really spoke to me. The first ones were worn by employees at an ice-cream stand:
LIVE WHAT YOU LOVE
The second was worn by a woman walking along the sidewalk:
MAKE YOUR DREAMS HAPPEN
The third one was my favorite:
FUCK THIS SHIT
My thoughts and emotions are all over the place. On one hand, I hated that job. I was under stress all the time. Every time my manager said my name, my stress level rose, because I was afraid that I had made a major mistake. I hated not being one of the Inner Circle (my manager has his favorites, and he makes it obvious). I hated being the one who always made the embarrassing mistakes. I lived in constant fear that I would be fired.
And now, that's happened. I need to start fearing something else, like winning the lottery or inheriting a large amount of money or receiving a huge reward.
On the other hand, it was steady work, and it kept me in the company of other people. I don't think it's good for me to be too alone.
I just keep going back and forth. My manager offered to give me a recommendation, and he was even sitting there suggesting various places I could try for employment. This was nice of him.
He has to adhere to the law of this country, which means you have to give the fired employee sufficient notice. He's even ensured that I'll continue to be paid for the month after I'm gone, which, as far as I know, is not the law here.
I just... I don't know what to do about myself. This isn't the first job I've had where I lived in mortal terror of being fired. (All those other jobs also ended in firing, by the way.) This isn't the first job I've hated. This isn't the first job that didn't pay me well enough. This isn't the first job that didn't fulfill me in any way.
I don't want to spend any more time doing work I hate. I don't want to spend time doing work I don't like. If I get freelance in a line of work that pays well, then at least I'll be more than supporting myself while I retrain for a profession I really do want, and for which I have a real talent. This is acceptable.
I have some months of steady income, at least. And I don't have any plans for Christmas, luckily for me. There is the surgery in January, and now, I don't need to plan it around work. Not around this work, anyway.
Today, I saw several T-shirts that really spoke to me. The first ones were worn by employees at an ice-cream stand:
LIVE WHAT YOU LOVE
The second was worn by a woman walking along the sidewalk:
MAKE YOUR DREAMS HAPPEN
The third one was my favorite:
FUCK THIS SHIT
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