THOSE RIDICULOUS LITTLE PRE-EMPLOYMENT TESTS!

[Becks]

I utterly despise those tests. I really do. I know, as soon as I have to fill one out, that I won't be hired.

[DrFaroohk]

God I hate those things...I had to take one when I got promoted to assman. It was like 200 questions of "have you ever" kinda things...I was unfortunately honest on that one and I still passed though...ever gone to work high? Yep. Ever gotten high at work? Yep. Ever had a serious vendetta against a co-worker that affected your performance? Yep, which is funny cuz that's my boss now...lol...all kinds of shit though and i still passed.

Then it came to the agree/disagree questions, such as "I feel that whatever I do off the clock is nobody else's business." I hated those ones because its so open ended. I mean its none of the boss's business if I want to boink a co-worker off the clock, and its none of her business if I'm smoking a few joints at home after work. It IS her business if I'm eating the dead bodies of my murder victims at home. Stupid questions, so what do I say? How are THEY looking at it?

[ContraCorriente]

1. If you saw a co-worker shooting heroine in the store bathroom, what would your response be?

a. Run around in circles while screaming, "Holy Flapjacks, the Avacados!"
b. Alert management.
c. Ask him or her to share.
d. give him a coupon for 20% off his next visit.

[MystyGlyttyr]

I usually fail those because I apparently can't hide my homicidal tendencies well enough.

When I was fishing for an afternoon job, my boss RM would tell me that Wal-Mart or Target or whoever I applied to had called. When I asked what she told them, she would grin and say "I told them I didn't think you would be any sort of threat to your coworkers or the customers at all, and that you were a delight to be around." Then, after a bit, she'd start chuckling and say "Why do you always make me lie??"

Hence why I've been working for her for the last 2 1/2 years. I love that woman.

[blas]

My dad worked overnight shelf stocking a few years ago at K-Mart as a second job. When I applied there, my dad told me about the test. He said they'd ask the same question 10 different times and 10 different ways to test your consistency. They also want to see how big of an asskisser you'll be.

No wonder I failed. I won't lie.

I failed Wal-Mart's personality test, I failed Blockbuster's personality test, I failed a clothing store's personality test.............I swear I cannot ever apply anywhere that has a personality test.

I can be consistent with my answers because obviously I'm not retarded, but I'm no going to pretend to care just to get a job.

Thankfully all I needed for the factory job was a resume, passing a drug test at hire, and passing an "adult equivalency" exam at the interview. The exam doesn't make any sense, and I don't see how half of the people at the factory even got the job, considering most of them can't spell or use proper grammar or act like adults.

[Andara Bledin]

Those tests are a monument to mediocrity in the marketplace.

If you are honest (I'm the sort of person who doesn't take office supplies home; I just ask for them), you will fail. All of the best possible candidates are given the boot because whoever is in charge of hiring can't be bothered to check to see if the applicant is an asskisser or geniuinely good.

^-.-^

[Quitbuggingmeandgoaway]

Dear god, I HATED those personality tests! Seems like every place I applied to that used those, I failed. Wait, I worked for Sears on a holiday once; they had the test though.

I can recall Sears Hardware, Best Buy, Circuit City, Service Merchandise, Wal-Mart having those tests. I'd fail each of them.......so redundant those tests are......anytime i walked into a place with them, i'd just turn and walk out.

Funny how in the restaurant business, they don't use those tests. Eat N Park generally hired everybody, and so did Fatburger.......which really bit them in the ass and i'll save that story for later!

[Kiwi]

When I applied at the post office, I had to take a "math test", I failed math every single year of highschool except one. I was always 2% under the passing grade, every year! How annoying is that!

They provided calculators and they were the kind that didnt allow you to use the shortcut to workout %'s!!! I couldnt for the life of me remember how to, I knew it was one of two ways and thankfully guessed right. I was so relieved when I got a call back!

[Caveat Emptor]

I applied at a one of those "temp" placement agencies once too and had to take a Microsoft Word test or something like that - and found out after the test that if you use shortcuts - like right clicking to copy & paste or something - that it doesn't score correctly.... what the heck? So I can do something faster and more efficiently and I LOSE points for that??? It was a really dumb test.

I once tried using a common shortcut on a test like that - and they had to restart it because it crashed!

[auntiem]

I once actually took a written drug test - yup. The manager said as he handed it to me that they assumed that I had done some drugs (this was the mid-80s) so I didn't have to lie. *wink wink* This was in Salt Lake too and I had already passed the "are you Mormon without flat out asking you" interview questions thanks to coaching by my Mormon friends.

[Brynhild]

Speaking of questions that aren't really honest questions but rather landmines developed to get specific answers... I often tend to over-think things, and this condition of mine only gets worse on quizzes. Back when I applied for my grocery cashier job I had to fill out an application that asked something along the lines of, "Have you ever thought about taking money but not actually taken any?" And I had to choose from the options of "yes" or "no".

And at first, I thought, "Why yes, I have. So, to be honest, I'll click 'yes'."

But then I thought, "They obviously don't want employees working with cash who think about taking money, so I'll click 'no'."

Then I started thinking, "It could be a trick question. Everybody has a fantasy where they grab the cash drawer and high-tail it to Vegas. If I click 'no' they could think that I'm lying 'cause I'm not admitting to a widely-know fantasy."

And then I realized, "Or, this could be a psychological question, because if you were to admit that you thought about it then you'd be that much closer psychologically to actually doing it, so I should just click 'no'."

Of course, I went the ass-kissing route and said "no", and lookie, I got the job. *sigh* College psych classes can really mess you up for life.

[CrazedClerk]

Ugh I hate those things. One question I had on mine was "do you always tell the truth?" Yes or No.

Obviously the correct answer is "No" because NO ONE always tells the truth (ok, ok, VIRTUALLY no one). In this instance they make you take the test online before they even qualify for an interview. I passed the test, got my interview, but didn't get hired.

Bastards.

[Lil Bunny]

OH man I'm so happy I found this thread. I've worked in billing/finance/accounting for a while now. I applied over where my friend works at her urging and got the dreaded PI test. Two pages of "How do you think other's expect you to act" and "How do you really see yourself" type questions.

Said friend called me today and told me that they weren't even going to consider me because I'm an extrovert. Someone tell me please, what the hell being an extrovert has to do with being a good billing specialist??

...and she wonders why I'm in a foul mood.

[Andara Bledin]

Wait... so since you're an outgoing personality, they aren't going to even consider you?

WTF?!?

^-.-^

[Lil Bunny]

Yup. They want someone more introverted (read "calm"). Don't rock the boat baby.

I give general finance people a bad name I guess.