I finally had a nervous breakdown

[Kusanagi]

That's IT.

I had a nervous breakdown today. It finally got to me.

This post rambles, and is long. But I have to get it out or I'm going to laugh or cry or slip back into depression or do something stupid...I just don't know right now.

A few things happened over the last week. My jaw is in alot of pain and I've gone through a bottle of Ora-jel a day, and I've gotten roughly 3 hours of sleep a night for the past week, when I'm not in pain.

We have the hotshot from corporate coming on Thursday. This means getting everything in order - all the orders, making it clean, spic and span, and somehow hope that he believes it's always like that.

The background:

VP: A huge hotshot from corporate
M: My boss
A: My coworker here of a few months
V: A second coworker who doesn't work at my store

Let's skip ahead: You already know that I'm having trouble meeting my sales goals and I'm stressed because of it. Well, Sunday, I'm told there's a chance that the VP might be in on Monday.

We had alot of problems and a broken printer, so I could do NO paperwork. The best I could do was organize everything as if I DID have paperwork, and do some cleaning. I locked up about 4 hours after close, around ten PM, pacific time. This is important later.

Jaw hurts on Monday morning. I get a call that he's a no-show. Okay...no worries. We see ALOT of people on Monday, and I write up a few sales. But almost everyone in there was a looker. We had an ad break in the paper for some new deals so we got alot of those in there.

Well, I finally get the printer working about halfway through the day. A, my coworker, jammed it a week ago, and since I wasn't at the showroom, couldn't analyze it. Bottom line, when she cleared it, the paper tore and she didn't tell me, and this caused HOURS of headache for both me and the tech support person, and I had to completely dismantle the printer to get it out and working again.

A is well...she means well. She's eager. But she's not trainable and she doesn't retain information. She writes up half her orders wrong, gives wrong quotes, doesn't check things, etc. She's also horrible with technology. Due to us being short staffed, I was not at my showroom for a week straight. We had a power outage, and we thought our credit card printer burned out. After a week of frantic emailing back and forth, and an overnight shipment of a new printer, I got out there finally. What was the problem?

She had loaded the paper wrong.

Same deal with the fax machine. She thought it was broken. I checked it. She loaded the paper wrong. Basically, she shoved paper in every open slot of this thing that would hold it, hoping it would do something.

Back on topic. Monday night, after 9 pm, I'm working on stuff I couldn't do with customers there. I literally print out a hundred sheets of paper, for the week's backlog. New display tags, memos, promotional materials, etc. I have to match up the reciepts to every thing in the computer, and she had made duplicates of them all and didn't tell me. That was fun trying to figure out.

I do everything but showroom maintenance. Vaccuming, dusting, cleaning, mopping the tile, etc. I just don't have the energy, and it's one in the morning. Once again, important later.

M told me earlier in the day that he would be in to inspect the showroom before the VP came in. He would come in Tuesday evening. I think, great, I'll leave a detailed list my associate can check off as she does it. I was at another showroom, and M came into the one I manage at fifteen minutes after opening. Of course, A hasn't been able to get around to anything yet. So M calls me and yells at me because, as the manager, I was supposed to make sure it was clean. M spent about an hour straightening and moving furniture.

We have a sales meeting this morning (Wednesday). The plan is for me to pick up A, take her down to the meeting, and drive her back up where I can have the rest of the day off. Sounds good, right? V also offered to come up and help. I'm wearing street clothes so I can work like a dog in the showroom that day and not have to worry about getting my dress clothes dirtied. There's three accidents, and it takes almost 2 hours to go 20 miles. We show up a half hour late for the sales meeting. M isn't too upset by it, but he isn't too happy either. I couldn't do anything about it though. It's unrealistic to expect me to give myself three hours to go 20 miles on the freeway!

I'm upset about that, and at the meeting, A struggles with the concepts she's been learning for the past few months with me. Either she freezes or forgets, but she can't recall the information when put on the spot. It reflects badly on me, since I'm her manager.

Afterwards, I get another stern lecture from M, and am reminded that my paycheck is on the line depending on how this visit from the VP goes.

I freak out, and am back at my showroom with A and V, when the phone rings. There's a customer issue, an order that A wrote up. She ordered the wrong piece for the customer, and the piece they DID order was out of stock. I had to lie to the customer and tell her the piece she ordered didn't come in, and as sorry as I was, could she wait a week or would she want me to refund her money? She didn't like either option but settled on the refund. I was shaken up about that.

Second issue. I find out she wrote up a large order and undercharged about $300 on it. Now we need to eat the extra on it, so I'm a tad upset as she does this often. She doesn't take the time to check or recheck her figures, our sales manual, or any of the resources on our website. So I told her to recalculate it with the proper price, and it would show up as a COD that we would then waive. It's the only way to get it done.

Well, she redid it, and then put in the $2300 into the computer when the customer only paid 2000. Let me reiterate: She had told the computer that she had taken in 2300 from this customer. So now...corporate wants to know where the extra 300 went. The check reader showed the check as 2000...and it's not hard for corporate to think someone pocketed the money...

Guess who gets the flack from that one, as a manager! All together now!

I spend an hour with the calculator figuring out the mistake, and send the info to corporate so they can correct the mistakes. I have a few words with A, and she resolves to do better. I remind her in a stern manner that she had made this mistake several times in the past, and we couldn't have it happen again, as at this point, she knows better.

Here's the straw that broke the camels back. M calls, very hostile. The VP has seen the alarm timecodes for the showrooms for the last few days, and since our corporate office is based in New York, they show up as three hours ahead.

This means that on Sunday, when I left at 10pm my time, it was already 1am their time. So the report generated for Sunday, and said we didn't set the alarm(!). Same thing on Monday.

I try to explain to M that I was there working and he doesn't believe me. In his mind, it shouldn't take three or more hours to finish up with the store when we close. We haven't been writing up orders, so he doesn't believe there are issues. He accuses me of leaving the showroom, and then coming BACK and locking it up. Like I left a few hours before we close, and came back after a night at the bar to cover my tracks.

I'm offended by this. I can count on one hand in two years the amount of times I have stayed late enough to have the alarm closure not trigger, and they were spent cleaning, getting showrooms spic and span for sales, or a visit from corporate. I tell M that I don't have a history of doing that, and that I was working. He flat out calls me a liar because if I was really there, the showroom would have been completely clean on Tuesday morning. I told him that I WAS THERE, but I had no way to prove that I was really there from the time we closed at 9 until I left at 1am.

He ends up telling me that I "better have a damned good explanation to the VP, because he's wanted to cut your pay for months and I'm through sticking up for you."

Pay cut? That would go from $500 a week, down to $300. My budget can't take that, at all. He hangs up.

I stand there, trembling, my hands on the desk. I just lose it, and break down and cry, sobbing pitifully. "I can't do this anymore."

I've been yelled at, had things thrown at me, I've taken a ton of abuse from customers, literally and figuratively, I've ended up in court, I've had my life threatened and almost killed someone else.

I'm done with it. That was the breaking point. I just started babbling about all the stress this was causing. V freaked out, and A's eyes went wide.

I calmed down enough to leave the showroom. I'm still really shaky, I can't focus, I'm in pain, and I'm as taut as a bowstring. The meeting is tommorrow and I have no idea how I'm going to face it or what I'm going to do. I don't know what to do anymore.

Anyone have any advice for what I can say to both the VP and M when they show up tommorrow? They're openly hostile towards me right now, but I don't know if the VP will be tommorrow.

I want to express my concerns, but I don't know if I can do it without breaking down again...

People tell me I'm the strongest person they know, and I HATE it when I get like this...I haven't felt like this in years...and never for something work related...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Well..."Take this job and shove it." always works. But since that's evidently not an option right now, just stick to the facts.

Maybe it's time to look for a new job. No job is worth having nervous breakdowns over. Comission sales is something I could never do, and I don't know how you do it and deal with abusive customers and manage to stay sane.

[It's me]

You work in a horrible environment.

Therefore:
1) Stop giving a damn. Really, seriously. Adopt a "whatever" attitude. 'Cause putting in your best effort makes no diff to those twits

2) Start job hunting!

[Giggle Goose]

I do agree with IPF in that perhaps you should start looking for another job...but with bills and stuff, I understand that it isn't easy. And then you start worrying about them giving you a good reference and stuff, and blah blah blah. Oy vey, guess I'm not helping too much since I'm a perpetual worrywart...

But it seems to me that if your boss and VP decide to screw you over, it's their loss. You've already taken more than enough crap from this job as far as I'm concerned, and they're sadly mistaken if they think they can find another employee as dedicated as you. Who the hell is going to run things if you go....some dimwit like A? Yeah, guys, good luck finding someone else. I wish you the best of luck. Just remember that things are hardly ever as bad as they seem.

[Dark Psion]

Same deal with the fax machine. She thought it was broken. I checked it. She loaded the paper wrong. Basically, she shoved paper in every open slot of this thing that would hold it, hoping it would do something.

It could be worse, she could be a nurse.

[Rapscallion]

A is fouling this up for you on a regular basis. Why is she still employed there?

Would things be better without her? As a manager, you have to make that sort of decision.

Rapscallion

[MrSunshineState]

Sorry you're having such a tough time.

I agree that A should be terminated.

[Pedersen]

Kusanagi:

Your options right now seem pretty limited to me. Some of them really bad, some of them not so much.

Really bad: Quit. Walk into this meeting, tell them you're done, and walk away.

Not so bad: First thing in the morning (hell, right now even) get down to the ER of the hospital. Tell them this whole story. Demand a psych eval. Get this done ASAP. Walk in, hand over the psych eval. Tell them you need emergency time off and away to recover from some of the damage. Tell them as well that when you return, A is terminated, as she has been a major source of the issues.

This option, I don't know: Throw A under the bus. Simply put, it sounds like A is the source of your problems, or at least 95% of them. Explain all of this story that you've posted here to M and VP. Tell them you were trying to avoid any action against A, but that you now realize that you've let it go too far and too long, and she is, effective immediately, terminated.

In any case, this is a tough spot to be in. I don't have a whole lot of constructive advice to give for it. I can only hope that things go well for you.

Finally, if you're in NJ (eastern side of it), PM me. I work for an electronics retailer that's getting ready to open some new stores, and could use some quality people in it. I couldn't guarantee anything, but I'm on pretty good terms with the executives there, and could at least get you an interview (almost guaranteed). It's a way out, if you're in that area, at least.

Good luck tomorrow. After all you've been through at that company, I'm hoping for you to come out on top again. You deserve it.

[JustADude]

It may sound like I'm being a complete bastard, but I've got to agree with throwing A under the bus. It sounds like you've given her plenty of chances, and she's been nothing but a royal screw-up. You shouldn't be the one to take the fall for her mistakes... sh*t rolls DOWN-hill, not UP.

Besides that, I think you should, at the least, express to the VP your displeasure at the unrealistic goals the company is trying to make you meet. Hopefully, since you've been one of their better salesmen, your word might actually carry some sort of influence. If not, at least then you'll know for sure it's time to look elsewhere.

[Will-Mun]

Jesus... -Hands a lemonade, a lawn chair, some sun glasses and a fan girl.-

Okay, now what you do. First, fire A. Do it politely, do it right. Do not throw her under the bus. She HAS been fucking up, but the poor thing sounds like she is just hopeless, but trying her best. Tell her she hasn't been catching on, and that you think she would be better suited somewhere else.

Second, walk in and tell the VP you QUIT. Tell him in long detailed (but respectable) words how you have been forced to stay three hours late because of paperwork and cleaning, how you have been stressed with insufficient staff, and an employee that was causeing many problems. (Not throwing her under the bus, just the truth.) Tell him how DISrespectful your boss has been treating you, outright calling you a liar. Tell him that the stress is too much for all that YOU do for HIS company, and that you are leaving.

Then... It may not be the best solution, but go on unemployment until you can get a new job. I know bills come in pretty heavy, but if you work it right? You can actually survive a few months.


But whatever you do, GET OUT OF THERE. As fast as you can.


Also, get to the dentist.

[iradney]

There is nothing I can say here that hasn't been said already. I can only add that you have to remember to look out for YOURSELF first, other people second. You've been covering for A more than long enough, and if she cannot even comprehend how to put paper in a fax machine (even my MOM knows how to do that!) then she is nothing but a millstone around your neck.
Take care of yourself. Your health, mental and physical, is too precious to squander.

[Barefootgirl]

Why exactly are you prepared to sacrifice your career, reputation and personal health for A ? Is she that sexy?

[draftermatt]

Wow that was out of line.

Anyway, I agree with Wii-mun. Except I wouldn't fire A, let them do it. Tell them everything, if they try and interrupt tell them "if you don't want to hear what I have to say then goodbye".

If they do let you finish then just hand in your resignation. No job is worth this.

[Gurndigarn]

I'll mostly agree with everything. However, if your current job pays dental, try to stick around long enough to get your jaw looked at. But get the appointment made quickly.

And yeah, you are going to need to fire A. Politely, but as quickly as you can gather the paper trail. Even if you're only going to be around for a few weeks, those few weeks will be much less stressful, and honestly, it sounds like she would be better elsewhere, too.

[Reyneth]

I agree with others in that A should not be working there.

Except, because she is the cause of most of the problems you are dealing with, she needs to be at that store through the meeting. Do you have anybody else as evidence that the printer jammed, causing you to have to stay late to rectify it and then do the orders later? Or any of the other crud she's caused? If not, you NEED her as some sort of backup to what has been going on. Perhaps throwing her under the bus, perhaps telling her "you contributed to much of this, you need to own up to it or you won't be working here" or something along those lines.

She is your reason for being there so late, for the store not being cleaned (did your employee get your list for that day? S/he could be another witness that you knew it was an issue and were taking steps to make sure it got done.) etc. You should not be taking the fall for this.

Is there anyone from another store in the area where you work that can attest you were physically in the store during those times?

Just trying to think of options - because you are in the right here, don't give up yet. I hope things get better and your jaw is ok.