Corporate speak

[Gurndigarn]

Oh, that reminds me of a good one. For a while, people at our corporate office were trying to get us to call it the "field support center".

Guys, there are two departments in there that support us... technical services and parts. Oh, make that two-and-a-half; we get some support from MIS. The rest of you? I note that we make the money. You don't. You also give us rules and regulations, but no material or logistical help. Therefore, we support you.

I might say you support us if you did things like, say, reinvest in new equipment, but whenever I mention that, all I get is spreadsheets and formulas and why it's not going to happen. Damn it, my locations are bugging me for better quality. Care to help me out so I can make more money for you?

Bah. We've done so much with so little for so long that I've given up hope on help.

BTW, "field support center" lasted a bit under a year in most places. A bit under two minutes in some.

[JustADude]

As far as the Walmart thing goes, I think the term is Associate because they all have (or had, it may have changed) stock in the company they acquired as part of their paycheck.

At Blockbuster, the basic crew were called Customer Service Representatives, and I like it. Mainly because sounds better than 'Staff' or 'Crew' on future applications, but also because we had a huge amount of discretion when it came to handing out credit, removing fees, etc. We only needed a manager if it got REALLY bad, involved a cash refund, or they were returning opened retail product.

[Sliceanddice]

I am a Guest Services Representive...
Just call me the Cashier

[Emrld]

hmmm do you work in a store that has a Mouse for it's mascott?

if it is the chain store / theme park I once worked in . . .the reason they do that is for the "magic" . . . ok so your job is the same by another name . . . but they have a spirit they are trying to instill . . .

I was always amazed that they didn't pipe in Las Vegas Casino air into the stores - add some pixie dust and watch out.

[Rapscallion]

if it is the chain store / theme park I once worked in . . .the reason they do that is for the "magic"

Cheaper than money, I guess.

Rapscallion

[Cyanocobalamin]

Office Depot 'Associates' (ie anyone not a manager) used be called Customer Experience Officers. That's right, 'CEO'

Our stock clerks are paged as "Sales Associates" for fear that the word 'Stocker' said over the PA/radio would be heard as "Stalker"

[Retail Associate]

'Corporate Speak' changes on a regular basis at my store.

Customers became Guests...until the Guests started complaining about it. Now, they're customers again.

Managers became Team Leaders. Assistant Managers were First Assistants...then changed back to Assistant Managers. Now, there are no Assistant Managers. To my knowledge they all became expendable.

Employees were called Team Members, then we became Associates, now we're Team Members again. But really, we're all just peons.

[JustADude]

In the Ultimate Shop of Dreams that I will open on the 17th of Someday, the titles will be absolute truth:

Boss = Owner = Me

Henchmen = Managers = Any of you guys I can snag, and people with the brains and skill to get promoted up from Minion.

Minions = General Staff = People who have proven they're competent enough to be worth keeping after their 30-day tryout.

Lackeys = New Hires = Any poor schmuck off the street who can fill out an application properly, doesn't make me want to strangle them after talking for half an hour, and doesn't get pissy as being called a Lackey.

[Andara Bledin]

Ooooh...

I'll sign up to be Henchmen for ya. Although I may have to start as a Minion till I get the hang of your operation.

^-.-^

[Broomjockey]

I'll take henchman, with an option on trusted leiutenant?

[Tria]

I say you're not a mystery shopper if you spend your time lurking around taking my stapler without asking and complaining about the lack of air-conditioning.

I could burn the building down.... I haven't gotten my checks.

[Tria]

At Blockbuster, the basic crew were called Customer Service Representatives, and I like it.

At West I was a "Marketing Representitive" Care to guess what I really was?

[Fera Festiva]

I could burn the building down.... I haven't gotten my checks.

I see your burning the building down and raise you strychnine in the guacamole.

[draggar]

"We assure you that all the changes are done for the year" (in reference to major layoffs, pay "adjustments" and so on)

"There are going to me more changes you won't like, but we won't tell you until after it is done."

Sure enough, they just announced that they changed the comission structure three weeks ago and let all the sales reps know this past week.

[TNT]

My job is checking the stuff the phone people do and then pointing out their mistakes.

Officially, I'm an "Analyst." Unofficially, I'm the "Prince of F*****g Darkness."