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We Call Them 'The Mouthwash Boys (and Girls)'
Unfortunately, it's the alcoholic beverage of choice for some in my province.
They always buy the store brand listerine type stuff cuz it's cheaper. They were freaking out when we were shorted on it for almost a week, and had to pay twice the price for real listerine. After we got the store brand back in, they were buying it 3 and 4 bottles at a time!
You can usually smell them 2 or 3 customers back, because the mouthwash smell hangs around them like a foul miasma, and sometimes, if you're really lucky, you even get the Bonus Aromas! Bonus Aromas include, but are not limited to: greasy hair; long-unwashed clothing; stale/rank/acrid body odour; urine; fecal matter; vomit; stale cigarettes; death-breath.
On to the epic tales...
Give this guy a prize!
Scummy guy comes through with a bottle. T, the on-duty security guard, is watching him from a few feet away. I process the transaction and ask for his club card.
Guy: Is this S______? Am I in S______?
Me: Well, the clues on my apron and nametag lead me to believe it is.
Guy: I don't have a club card. ::Hands me his debit card. Of course it's declined - funds not available.:: I'll be right back.
*sure you will* I void it out and continue with customers.
A few minutes later he's back in line. When he's next in line, he asks the customer ahead of him if there's an ATM around anywhere. Customer says no. Guy walks past my till, T stops him, guy asks T if there's an ATM around, T busts him for shoplifting.
Later, T told me that the guy went back to the mouthwash and put one down his pants while T was watching him! In the 'holding room', the guy told T he should just let him go. This idiot has been banned at 2 other S_______s in town for stealing, and T was the one that caught him each time. The cops came and took the thief away.
T says most of the security guards don't want to be bothered with the paperwork, so they do let the shoplifters go - they just take back the product and tell them to get out of the store. No wonder we have problems with stealing!
Excuse me, I'm gonna vom!
I've only had this guy come through once, but it was more than enough! He had 3 bottles of the stuff, and told me a rambling, incoherent story about how he has a partial plate and can't brush his teeth, so he needs all this mouthwash.
I felt like telling him to skip the lies and just STFU and pay cuz his breath was making me gag. He reeked of mouthwash like it was oozing out of his pores and he'd washed his clothes in it. I was coughing and choking and my eyes were watering. I had to turn away and take very shallow breaths. The customer behind him was standing waaay back! The area around my till reeked for at least 15 minutes after he left, too.
To pay, he pulled everything out of his pockets, including 3 nasty crumpled up cigarette butts that were down to the filter. Of course his money was all small change, too, and looked like it had all been picked out of the gutter. Time to sanitize!!! But he did have enough money for all 3 bottles.
Intoxicated and scaring my customer.
I'm ringing through a customer with a big order and he's talking to her the whole time, but he's so wasted that it's mostly incoherent babbling. He's also swaying back and forth a fair bit. We're trying to get her order done as fast as possible - she's almost throwing the groceries on and I'm scanning, weighing and bagging like superwoman. (In a way it was kinda funny). I debated whether to call security, but he wasn't causing a scene or anything, he was just... wasted and rambling.
It's finally his turn - one bottle of mouthwash. (We can refuse to sell to intoxicated customers, and I was thinking about it and also wondering if I'd get in trouble if he decided to play the race card and scream 'discrimination'.) Luckily, I didn't have to make that decision - he didn't have enough money. He asked if I could loan him a dollar (like you'd ever repay it, buddy), but I told him I didn't have any cash on me. And that was true - I don't carry cash on me while I'm working.
My name is _____. My name is______.
Comes in at least twice a week to buy the stuff, sometimes one bottle, sometimes 2, sometimes also store brand canned catfood to go with it. Can you say Gourmet Dining? I knew you could!
When asked for his club card, he gives his phone #, always followed by: My name is _____. Do we care what your name is?? No we don't!!! He always pays in change, never bills, and it's always disgustingly sticky and nasty. I drench my hands in sanitizer afterwards.
My Dentist said so
She came in to buy 3 bottles of mouthwash, even getting a food clerk to help her because she couldn't find it! She told him that her dentist told her she has to drink it. Uh huh... we truly do believe that one!
Snack time
Guy comes up to pay for his bottle, dumps out a dirty plastic baggie of change on the belt. I start picking out enough money, and in with the money was one very dirty sunflower seed kernel, minus the shell. He picked it up and ate it!!!!!
I almost gagged. Later, when I told B, he said that with all the mouthwash in the guy's system, the dirt probably wouldn't matter anyway. True, but it was still gross!
Other tasy combos...
Regular (every Saturday and Sunday morning) with 2 bottles of mouthwash and 2 cans of catfood. This seems to be the new trend.
Woman with 2 bottles of mouthwash and one package of dry spaghetti.
Guy with one bottle of mouthwash and one bottle of coke.
Guy with 2 bottles of mouthwash and one pathetically tiny plum.
They always buy the store brand listerine type stuff cuz it's cheaper. They were freaking out when we were shorted on it for almost a week, and had to pay twice the price for real listerine. After we got the store brand back in, they were buying it 3 and 4 bottles at a time!
You can usually smell them 2 or 3 customers back, because the mouthwash smell hangs around them like a foul miasma, and sometimes, if you're really lucky, you even get the Bonus Aromas! Bonus Aromas include, but are not limited to: greasy hair; long-unwashed clothing; stale/rank/acrid body odour; urine; fecal matter; vomit; stale cigarettes; death-breath.
On to the epic tales...
Give this guy a prize!
Scummy guy comes through with a bottle. T, the on-duty security guard, is watching him from a few feet away. I process the transaction and ask for his club card.
Guy: Is this S______? Am I in S______?
Me: Well, the clues on my apron and nametag lead me to believe it is.
Guy: I don't have a club card. ::Hands me his debit card. Of course it's declined - funds not available.:: I'll be right back.
*sure you will* I void it out and continue with customers.
A few minutes later he's back in line. When he's next in line, he asks the customer ahead of him if there's an ATM around anywhere. Customer says no. Guy walks past my till, T stops him, guy asks T if there's an ATM around, T busts him for shoplifting.
Later, T told me that the guy went back to the mouthwash and put one down his pants while T was watching him! In the 'holding room', the guy told T he should just let him go. This idiot has been banned at 2 other S_______s in town for stealing, and T was the one that caught him each time. The cops came and took the thief away.
T says most of the security guards don't want to be bothered with the paperwork, so they do let the shoplifters go - they just take back the product and tell them to get out of the store. No wonder we have problems with stealing!
Excuse me, I'm gonna vom!
I've only had this guy come through once, but it was more than enough! He had 3 bottles of the stuff, and told me a rambling, incoherent story about how he has a partial plate and can't brush his teeth, so he needs all this mouthwash.
I felt like telling him to skip the lies and just STFU and pay cuz his breath was making me gag. He reeked of mouthwash like it was oozing out of his pores and he'd washed his clothes in it. I was coughing and choking and my eyes were watering. I had to turn away and take very shallow breaths. The customer behind him was standing waaay back! The area around my till reeked for at least 15 minutes after he left, too.
To pay, he pulled everything out of his pockets, including 3 nasty crumpled up cigarette butts that were down to the filter. Of course his money was all small change, too, and looked like it had all been picked out of the gutter. Time to sanitize!!! But he did have enough money for all 3 bottles.
Intoxicated and scaring my customer.
I'm ringing through a customer with a big order and he's talking to her the whole time, but he's so wasted that it's mostly incoherent babbling. He's also swaying back and forth a fair bit. We're trying to get her order done as fast as possible - she's almost throwing the groceries on and I'm scanning, weighing and bagging like superwoman. (In a way it was kinda funny). I debated whether to call security, but he wasn't causing a scene or anything, he was just... wasted and rambling.
It's finally his turn - one bottle of mouthwash. (We can refuse to sell to intoxicated customers, and I was thinking about it and also wondering if I'd get in trouble if he decided to play the race card and scream 'discrimination'.) Luckily, I didn't have to make that decision - he didn't have enough money. He asked if I could loan him a dollar (like you'd ever repay it, buddy), but I told him I didn't have any cash on me. And that was true - I don't carry cash on me while I'm working.
My name is _____. My name is______.
Comes in at least twice a week to buy the stuff, sometimes one bottle, sometimes 2, sometimes also store brand canned catfood to go with it. Can you say Gourmet Dining? I knew you could!
When asked for his club card, he gives his phone #, always followed by: My name is _____. Do we care what your name is?? No we don't!!! He always pays in change, never bills, and it's always disgustingly sticky and nasty. I drench my hands in sanitizer afterwards.
My Dentist said so
She came in to buy 3 bottles of mouthwash, even getting a food clerk to help her because she couldn't find it! She told him that her dentist told her she has to drink it. Uh huh... we truly do believe that one!
Snack time
Guy comes up to pay for his bottle, dumps out a dirty plastic baggie of change on the belt. I start picking out enough money, and in with the money was one very dirty sunflower seed kernel, minus the shell. He picked it up and ate it!!!!!
I almost gagged. Later, when I told B, he said that with all the mouthwash in the guy's system, the dirt probably wouldn't matter anyway. True, but it was still gross!Other tasy combos...
Regular (every Saturday and Sunday morning) with 2 bottles of mouthwash and 2 cans of catfood. This seems to be the new trend.
Woman with 2 bottles of mouthwash and one package of dry spaghetti.
Guy with one bottle of mouthwash and one bottle of coke.
Guy with 2 bottles of mouthwash and one pathetically tiny plum.
What about the cat food? Does listerine go better with chicken or fish?
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