Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

The girl is 20 years old! Cut her some slack!

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • The girl is 20 years old! Cut her some slack!

    So, now that my wonderful supervisor's have made it possible for me to catch the bus home after work (not being sarcastic), I was making friends with one of the girls who does the face painting and henna tattoos and such things around the park. After awhile her phone rings and she starts talking with a guy friend. We casually notice that the bus seems to be running 20 minutes late, but expect it will be showing up any minute, the boy on her line offers to give us a ride, and we don't think it's necessary. Once the bus got to be about 45 minutes late, we were getting worried. My coworker was still on the phone with the boy, and asks if his offer is still open. He gladly accepts, and departs on his way. (They both live a considerable distance from the park whilst I am only about 5 miles and on their way anyway so I'm really no trouble at all). My coworker has to play phone tag for awhile because everyone keeps calling her and seem to have a lot to say. No biggie, since probably no one has had the chance to call her all day since she has been working (her first job, I remember how that was... it's odd though that I am a year younger than she...).

    Her friend giving us the ride shows up shortly and we joyfully get into the car which is nicely warmer than sitting out at the cold(relatively speaking) bus stop. Then she suddenly remembers she needs to call her dad to let him know she is getting home. He FLIPS out! Keeps insisting she's doing some kind of shady plot to hang out with a BOY! *gasp* She must have asked the boy to take her home, and no doubt there is some nefarious plan in the making. While the girl is trying to explain, her dad keeps interrupting about how everything she is saying is bs and how he KNOWS she had this all plotted out from the beginning and why didn't she call HIM first when she needed a ride etc etc.

    As I told the friend who was giving us a ride. "Wow, I've never wanted to punch someone I have never met before." When I was a young TEENAGER my mom sent me out the door to consort with friends and would simply tell me "Dont get pregnant, don't get arrested, Don't get killed, I love you, have fun." This poor girl is twenty years old, and her parents are treating her like she is an irrisponsible child because she has accepted a friend's offer to get a ride home. Hell when I am a parent and someone gives my child a ride home, I will give them money to compensate them for gas. In any case, her father wanted her to wait there all alone for her mother to come and pick her up. While it isn't necessarily a bad area, it is not a wise idea in this day and age to leave a young woman alone on a highway. So me and the friend waited with her for her mom to pick her up. When her mom got there I told her "Make sure to point out you would have already been home by now."

    I really hate control freaks, mainly because several of them have tried to parent me, when there is nothing wrong with the parent I have. (yes no plural, my dad is a jack-ass ran off with another woman). But, delving into my past is a whole different can of worms. And I'm gonna go eat a sammich.

  • #2
    I hate control freaks. All of my dating life, I didn't know it, but I was a controlling. One day I was single, and I took a hard long look at myself, to see why I was lonely all the time, even tho I had someone. After I realized what was happening, I stopped being controlling cold turkey. Now I am single, and it seems I always will be, damn I am lonely. But you cannot truly blame the guy. The girl is his baby girl, his little princess. All he wants to do is to make sure she is safe. But at the same time, she is 20 and could be out kicking it with people.
    Under The Moon Paranormal Research
    San Joaquin Valley Paranormal Research

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth KiyaraSabel View Post
      I was making friends with one of the girls who does the face painting and henna tattoos and such things around the park.
      SNIP
      This poor girl is twenty years old, and her parents are treating her like she is an irrisponsible child because she has accepted a friend's offer to get a ride home.
      From what you say, it sounds as if you do not know this girl very well yet. Objectively looking at what you have written about her:
      1) 20 years old, never had a job before
      2) Still lives at home with parents
      3) Spends time calling friends and socializing before notifying her parents that the bus is late and therefore she will be late coming home.

      To me, it looks like she is acting like an irresponsible child, and not like an adult. Without knowing her history with her parents, there is likley a very good reason her father was upset that she was late coming home, hadn't told him she would be late, and on top of that she is hanging out with friends. If she doesn't want to be accountable to her parents, then she needs to move out an support herself. How hard is it to make a 20 sec phonecall home to say "Hi Dad, I'm still waiting for the bus it's running late."
      The only words you said that I understood were "His", "Phone" and "Ya'll". The other 2 paragraphs worth was about as intelligible as a drunken Teletubby barkin' come on's at a Hooter's waitress.

      Comment


      • #4
        At the same time though, perhaps her parents have never given her the chance to act on her own. Parents who smother their children like that tend to never want to let them go, and when the kid finally breaks free, they go crazy because of all the other stuff they never got to do before!

        While it could be that she might have done something to lose their trust before, it's more than likely something that the parents are doing, IMO. You can't live their life for them, so let them be. Yeah, they are going to make mistakes, but I'm of the firm belief that the best lesson is learned by making the mistake. That's because you learn to cope with the after-effect of fixing said mistake.

        Regardless of whether or not she made a mistake that made her parents not trust her, she's 20. She needs to be cut loose.
        Jim: Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica.
        Dwight: Bears don't eat bee... Hey! What are you doing?
        The Office

        Comment


        • #5
          That was my point though, if she wants to be cut loose, then she needs to move out of her parents house and support herself. I lived with my parents until I was 23, but I got my first job when I was 12, and haven't been unemployed for a single day since. While I was living at home it was expected that you show a respect for the household and keep them informed if you were going to be late. My parents weren't smothering me, they were instilling respect.
          The only words you said that I understood were "His", "Phone" and "Ya'll". The other 2 paragraphs worth was about as intelligible as a drunken Teletubby barkin' come on's at a Hooter's waitress.

          Comment


          • #6
            This seriously isn't normal.

            First off, unless we're talking about it being extremely late, this girl shouldn't have to account to her parents about every delay in transit getting home. It's not her fault the bus was late, she wasn't doing anything irresponsible, and she's damn well entitled to socialize with her friends on her own time. She's legally an adult, we're not talking a 13 year old here.

            The offer for a ride came in before she would think to accept it. It wasn't that her first response was to call a friend instead of her parents, it was that the offer was sitting there already when she decided the bus simply wasn't coming. She did think to call her parents and let them know. Most teenagers and pre-adolescents wouldn't think to do this.

            And then he father was completely out of line. It sounds like from the description of his ranting that he was building himself up into a rage. I would really worry that her home environment is unhealthy if he's going nuts over getting a ride home from work with a friend. She wasn't alone with the guy, the op was there. She wasn't going anywhere else, she was coming straight home.

            This girl waited for the bus like she was supposed to. She talked with friends while she was waiting to entertain herself. When it was obvious the bus wasn't coming, she took a friend up on an offer of a ride. She made sure her other friend (The op) wasn't left high and dry. She also had the consideration to call her parents and let them know what was happening.

            As far as I can tell, she did absolutely nothing wrong.
            Check out my webcomic!

            Comment


            • #7
              I can understand the parents being upset that she would be over an hour late and not let them know, but getting all crazy about *how* she's getting home (assuming she didn't call and say "I'm just gonna start hitching, don't worry about me") is a bit over the top.

              If I'm an hour late my parents just assume I stopped at the store or went to walk in the park after work. But if I'm going to be much later than that, or if I'll miss the usual dinner time, I'll call just so they don't wait for me or worry. It worked the same way since I turned 18, except for the fact that I was sharing a car with my mom for several years so it was only a matter of making sure she didn't need it (when I wasn't away at school, that is).
              I don't go in for ancient wisdom
              I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
              It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Polenicus View Post
                As far as I can tell, she did absolutely nothing wrong.
                I agree with this.

                Although the parents do own the house and therefore make the rules, my opinion is that this is a bit much. They're actually hurting themselves in the long run because when you are that controlling, one of two things happen:

                1) The child rebels bigtime and causes everyone a lot of grief, including him/herself. Moves out as soon as possible and more than likely never speaks to you again.

                2) The child gets into a comfort zone and can't break free because that's all s/he knows. Won't move out until the parents are dead...won't get married and/or have a normal life of any kinda...probably won't get a job either, but that's not always true.

                I think the umbilical cord should start getting snipped at 18 since you are legally an adult then...by 21 the only house rules should be a handful of reasonable things - no drunken parties, perhaps no boyfriend/girlfriend spending the night (depending on how liberal the family is), and the like.

                And after college and a year or two of working, it should be bye-bye, time to move out and get a life!

                But then, I don't plan to have kids so what do I know!

                Comment


                • #9
                  her father flipping out is not teaching her how to respond to a situation... as much as well all yell and scream when we are frustrated it isnt going to solve the problem.

                  if the 20 year old was behaving like a child, what age was the father acting like... it sounds like shes acting out the exact behaviour she has learnt.
                  I wasnt put on this earth to make you feel like a man ~ Mary Bertone

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    My parents have always been a bit overprotective (I'm 24, and now that I'm working night shift and living on my own, my dad likes me to text him when I get into my apartment at night, just for his peace of mind) but this seems excessive. Wow.
                    "In the end I was the mean girl/or somebody's in between girl"~Neko Case

                    “You don't need many words if you already know what you're talking about.” ~William Stafford

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth myswtghst View Post
                      My parents have always been a bit overprotective (I'm 24, and now that I'm working night shift and living on my own, my dad likes me to text him when I get into my apartment at night, just for his peace of mind) but this seems excessive. Wow.
                      When I lived in my apartment my dad called me every morning when I was supposed to be getting up (well, except when they were on vacation). He did it when I first moved in and was still sleeping on an air mattress because we hadn't moved my furniture yet, just because it was the first time I was living alone and it was all new, but it just sort of became a thing he did. Not that I needed him to wake me up; I had an alarm and was usually awake and waiting for the phone to ring. Some days I would rather he didn't call but I could tell he liked it. In the winter he would give me a weather report for the day. One day he showed me his phone bill...a long list of 17 cent calls to Pennsylvania
                      I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                      I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                      It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        To me, it's kind of cute. As long as he wakes up in the morning to a text from me, he knows I got home safe and it isn't any skin off my back to send a quick, one word text when I put my phone on the charger.
                        "In the end I was the mean girl/or somebody's in between girl"~Neko Case

                        “You don't need many words if you already know what you're talking about.” ~William Stafford

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth KiyaraSabel View Post
                          "Dont get pregnant, don't get arrested, Don't get killed, I love you, have fun."
                          Sounds similar to what my Mommy told me back in the day.


                          Quoth Banrion View Post
                          From what you say, it sounds as if you do not know this girl very well yet. Objectively looking at what you have written about her:
                          1) 20 years old, never had a job before
                          2) Still lives at home with parents
                          I didn't have my first job until I was...let me think...18 or so, and I didn't move away from my Mommy until I was 24. To be fair to myself, though, I did pay rent. A third of it, in fact, and some of the bills...in full.

                          Just because you're a certain age and still living with your parents doesn't mean you're acting the child. Also, some people don't NEED to have a job the second they reach 15/16.

                          Sorry if this sounds snappish, it just reminds me of some of my aunts and uncles...and my grandmother. UGH.
                          Unseen but seeing
                          oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                          There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                          3rd shift needs love, too
                          RIP, mo bhrionglóid

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            The only reason I moved out of my parents' place is I went to university, and I didn't get my first job until I was almost 20.

                            Also, I've pretty much cut my mother off because even from over 100km away, she was still trying to tell me exactly step by step how I should handle situations.

                            So believe me when I say, I know where this girl's coming from, and I feel sorry for her. I hope she's able to eventually get away from that without going crazy and having to pay for having an overbearing father.
                            Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

                            http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth powerboy View Post
                              But you cannot truly blame the guy. The girl is his baby girl, his little princess. All he wants to do is to make sure she is safe. But at the same time, she is 20 and could be out kicking it with people.
                              Oh, yes, one can. She was a twenty-year-old woman, not an impressionable teenaged girl. I very much doubt he had her safety so much as her 'purity' in mind - asking her to wait by herself along a highway instead of being escorted home by someone she knew.
                              Mike: I'm gonna tell my boss I'm Puma Man, maybe he'll let me off early.

                              - "Puma Man", MST3K.

                              Comment

                              Working...