Crazy corporate memos

[CrazedClerk]

I see more and more of these things at work, they always address an issue but never really offer much substance, it's more a glorified "DO THIS" or "DON'T DO THIS"

Here are a few that have grace our walls lately:

- A reminder of our customer service policies after increasing reports of "Rude" notations on our QA reports (when our calls are listened to and critiqued)

- A notice about center security saying that no one without a pass is to be let into the center and any employee who does not have pass must be identified by their supervisor before being let in the building.

and my favourite

- A notice that we are not to come to work under the influence of drugs or alcohol, write notes RELATED to drugs or alcohol or even DISCUSS drugs or alcohol at work and that even someone only TALKING about drugs can now be fired immediately for doing so.

These notices were never discussed with us, just plastered all over the center for us to follow. Most are long winded corp speak, the versions above are pretty much the point of each one. The drugs one in particular makes me laugh because it seems like such a knee jerk respsonse to one or two idiots talking about weed on their break or something.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

The drugs one in particular makes me laugh because it seems like such a knee jerk respsonse to one or two idiots talking about weed on their break or something.

Or, the way I read it, two guys asking each other "What's your favorite brand of beer?" or "What's your favorite alcoholic drink?"

Heh, we were doing that the other night while unloading truck. We're rebels.

[Imogene]

"What's your favorite alcoholic drink?"

"Grenadine... Man, that stuff knocks my ass out flat."

[MadRocketScientist]

"Grenadine... Man, that stuff knocks my ass out flat."

I read that and suddenly a vision of Cheetara (since you have her as your current avatar) drunk and running flat out into a wall just popped into my head.

Not sure why.

[Boozy]

Or, the way I read it, two guys asking each other "What's your favorite brand of beer?" or "What's your favorite alcoholic drink?"

That's how I read it too.

It does seem a little extreme to forbid even talking about drinking. I mean, its a completely legal activity.

My job requires me to talk about booze all day long.

[Spiffy McMoron]

Heh, we were doing that the other night while unloading truck. We're rebels.

Bad-ASS!

About two months ago, an office e-mail was sent out by the dealership Big Cheese wanting to know about the pile'o'crap Buick with two flat tires in the parking lot. The e-mail ended with the ominous laguage, "If the car is not removed in a week, it will be towed at the owner's expense."

It's still there, taking up a spot in the employee parking lot.

[Imogene]

drunk and running flat out into a wall

I kinda think she'd run THROUGH the wall, but what do I know? Maybe she gets stronger when drunk? Or can't access her speed? Maybe she's a cautious drunk? Only Rankin Bass know for sure.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

What would otherwise be my favorite corporate memo if only I'd ever actually seen it with my own eyes would be the one that got circulated at the TV station my friend worked at. The one that shared the building with the radio station. The radio station that employed the DJ that made sweet, sweet love to the drink machine in the break room.

I don't know how that memo was worded, only that it told people to "keep their sexual activities restricted to OUTSIDE of work." Or maybe it was as straighforward as "Keep your dick out of the Coke machine." Something like that.

I dunno. But I'm sure it was real entertaining.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Funny you should mention that again Kinkoid. If I had run into the guy in the break room, I'd have asked him "Would you like a minute alone with Mr. Coffee?"

[Spiffy McMoron]

"Would you like a minute alone with Mr. Coffee?"

That's all fine and good, but what do you do if he asks for alone time with Mrs. Coffee?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

That's all fine and good, but what do you do if he asks for alone time with Mrs. Coffee?

Search the cabinets for Mrs. Dash. Or Mrs. Butterworth. Or Molly McButter (do they even make that anymore?)

[jb17kx]

"Would you like a minute alone with Mr. Coffee?"

"If you plead guilty, we can reduce the charge to lewd conduct with appliances."

That's one coke machine I'd sure as hell be keeping my distance from!

[ParkingWitch]

If I had run into the guy in the break room, I'd have asked him "Would you like a minute alone with Mr. Coffee?"

Almost a Rule #1 violation,
With WATERMELON juice

IPF I like the way you think

Edited because i said it wrong the first time