Tweet
Long, language.
For those of you who don't know, I have worked on and off in my grandparent's restaurant since I was 14 (I'm 26). I grew up in the place, my dad managed it for years, I've managed, my parents met there, I met my husband there, I've made some of my best friends working there. In short, because it's a family owned business, and we've all had our part in it at one time or another (some of us longer than others) and there is so much history for us in the place, so many relationships have been formed, the restaurant has always just felt like a part of me. It's been there since before I was born and it's just part of who I am, it is a second home, a Cheers of sorts (everybody knows everybody else) and I have always felt at home walking in the door- whether I was currently employed or not. I know the place like the back of my hand, and I pride myself on being really good at doing what I do there.
I have some issues with my family. My dad left the restaurant when I was 12, to join the fire department full time. My grandfather (deceased) was a workaholic who was impossible to please and my grandmother is a snob who wanted to reap all the benefits of being a business proprietor (prestige, money, etc.) without ever actually having to work in the place. The times she is behind the counter, she is a bitch. Seriously, I have people recognize me from work and ask me who the bitchy old lady is that works there. I used to defend her; now I just tell them she's the owner, and yes she is a bitch. Anyway, they gave him hell when he quit, told him they never needed him in the first place, and that he would be seriously cut from their will. This pissed him off, understandably, because he had invested a huge amount of time into getting that business off the ground and running it well. I don't think he cared about the inheritance, but that his own PARENTS, instead of being happy for him for pursuing a dream, basically shit on him for it.
At this point, they brought in my aunt to manage the restaurant. She is lazy, always late, always leaving early, doesn't want to be there but doesn't know how to do anything else, and basically lets the cooks who have been there 20+ years run the place. In other words, she's there briefly during the day, doesn't ever come up front, and depends on the cooks to tattle when things aren't going well. She also has a bad habit of leaving nasty notes for people, or sending messages through someone else instead of confronting someone face to face ( like a good manager) when she has a problem with them.
After my stint in construction ended this spring, my intentions were to take a few months off work altogether and pursue MY dream; starting a business as a wedding consultant. After a few weeks of rest, I was bored and offered to my aunt that if she was short handed with people being on vacation or out sick, I would be happy to fill in a day or two here and there, just to give me something to do. I should have known better, because soon I was being scheduled five days a week, and had no time to focus on what I needed to be doing. But I enjoyed seeing old faces and making a little money vs. none, so I put up with it for a while. I really thought I could just work there and mind my own business and not get int the middle of all the crap that goes on constantly.
One day I came in and there was a nasty note from my aunt and grandmother stating that we were to treat each other with respect and not tell each other things like "Shut up". This is coming from the same people who let the lunch cook yell and cuss at high school aged kids and occassionally make them cry. It turned out that the night manager, who I really like, had had some problem with one of the cooks and it was a big he-said she-said thing. Supposedly, the manager had told the cook to shut up, and like I said, the cooks run the place. They will defend the cooks at all cost, and treat a front person like they are expendible. The night manager saw this note upon arriving for her shift, and quit. My aunt didn't really want to lose her, because she is too lazy to hire someone else, so she tried to get the two of them to talk it out. But everytime the manager opened her mouth, she interupted her, which would make anybody mad because you can't give your side of the story. This eventually led to my aunt screaming and cussing at her "You f-ing b**ch", "g.d this", and "it's my restaurant, not yours!" So the manager quit, and since it was the end of my shift, I offered to drive her home.
After seeing that display it reminded me of all the messed up stuff my family has done, and coupled with the fact that she was taking advantage of me and I wasn't getting any work done on my business, I decided to quit. Four other people also quit that night, walking right out when they heard what happened to the night manager (we liked her). I wanted to make a statement, but mindful of the fact that these people are my family and I still have to get through Thanksiving dinner with them, I decided to be tactful. I waited a day or two, and told her that I would finish the shifts that I was scheduled for, but could no longer work for her because I needed to focus on my business. I never mentioned the quitting.
That same weekend I found out that they hired back my best friend (who I met working there) and my future brother in law, and were paying both of them- on their first day/ first day back in 7 years, what I had been making as a MANAGER. Also, all the kids who didn't quit got raises equalling that amount. I was royally pissed, because that was an insult as far as I was concerned, that I wasn't worth any more to them than these newcomers. But I just decided that it was further proof it was best for me to leave, and I never said anything because, you know, family, and I still wanted to be able to eat there and visit if I wanted to. So far, everyone has been civil and my aunt even invited me to gulf shores last weekend. I still come by and visit, come in the back to the office to talk and everything.
My aunt has slowly been giving my friend more responsibility than he wanted, asking him to do things like close and count money- which he specifically said he did not want to do. But she asked him to do these things so she didn't have to come back to the restaurant at night to close up. He called me last night asking for her phone number, because he couldn't remember how to count down the registers. I was on my way there anyway, so I walked in, went to the office, and told him how to add up the cash on the adding machine. The registers have changed since I was a manager, and I couldn't read the reciepts that give the totals for the day. So I called my aunt from my cell, on her cell, and explained that I was in the office and (friend) was having trouble counting down the drawers and I could help him if she could tell me how to read the new tapes. She said that she couldn't hear me well, and would call back on the main line. So I'm waiting for the office phone to ring, when I notice the head cook answer the kitchen phone and looking in my direction. It was obviously my aunt on the line. I was waiting for her to call me to the phone, and wondering why she hadn't called in the office, when (friend) walked past the cook, who said something to him and hung up the phone.
My friend comes back to the office and said he was just going to put all the money in bags until tomorrow. I asked him what else was said and he wouldn't tell me. Then the cook yells to me that my aunt had said that I was not to be in the office because I wasn't working there, and that only my friend should be inside. I was shocked. If she didn't want me in the office for whatever reason, I don't really understand because here I had made the attempt to HELP someone, because for the most part I knew what I was doing. But if she had issues with me being in the office, she should have TOLD ME, instead of hanging up, calling someone else, and telling them to tell me to get out. How chickenshit is that? To make matters worse, after I went to wait out front (waiting for my friend to get off work) my aunt called back and (friend) overheard her asking the cook to tell her what I was doing in the office. What did she think I was doing, stealing?! I was trying to help.
Some of you may be thinking that it makes sense not to have a non-employee in the office, but I guarantee if it had been her daughter or son, who never even really worked there, she wouldn't have cared. I have had access to the office for years, and she never expressed any concern over my dealing with the money. In fact, she has always said she's glad when I'm there because she trusts me. For whatever reason she is acting like I am a disgruntled ex-employee who may be looking for a chance to cause trouble. After all the effort I went through to leave on good terms, being mindful that these people are still my family, and we haven't had any problems since I quit, I can't believe she would act this way.
My friend and I talked it over last night, and I had a moment of crystal clarity. All these years, I knew I would never inherit the restaurant. Since my dad quit, my aunt is next in line, and her kids will follow, I suppose- if she doesn't run it into the ground before then. But we've all had our part in working there, and to me it always felt like the family business. Now I realize, my aunt doesn't see it that way. She sees it as HER business. Hers and hers alone. I was nothing but another employee to her, someone who made her life easier because I knew what I was doing and took pride in my job. Now that I'm of no benefit to her, she doesn't want me around to help or be any part of what goes on in the place.
It was a moment of shock when I realized this, and I have to admit it hurts. The restaurant has been my Cheers for so long, part of my history and who I am. And now it's gone. Oh I can still eat there, but I'm no more special than anyone else. And I bet when my grandmother dies (who for all her faults has never asked me to pay for my food) my aunt will start requiring me to pay. Although they always give stuff away to my cousin's friends, boyfriends, and my aunt's boyfriend's ungrateful, bitch daughters.
So yeah, that's it. This whole time I was laboring under the false assumption that it was the family place, in which I had my role and was always welcome. Now I know otherwise. After all the time I put in there, it really doesn't seem fair, though I never expected anymore than to just feel at home when I walked in the door. My goal now is to become so successfull as a wedding consultant that I can hire on my friend, causing him to quit the restaurant, and we'll start our own version of Cheers, this time without the drama.
God blesss you if you read all this. I really need support right now. I'm going to be okay, but it hurts. I was up all night thinking about it. And I don't know how to relate to my aunt and grandmother at this point. I'm tempted to say screw them, and skip the holidays with them altogether, and just see my mom, dad, and sister. Thoughts? I really need some compassion right now. Feeling rejected by family hurts, and losing something that's been part of your identity since birth is hard.
For those of you who don't know, I have worked on and off in my grandparent's restaurant since I was 14 (I'm 26). I grew up in the place, my dad managed it for years, I've managed, my parents met there, I met my husband there, I've made some of my best friends working there. In short, because it's a family owned business, and we've all had our part in it at one time or another (some of us longer than others) and there is so much history for us in the place, so many relationships have been formed, the restaurant has always just felt like a part of me. It's been there since before I was born and it's just part of who I am, it is a second home, a Cheers of sorts (everybody knows everybody else) and I have always felt at home walking in the door- whether I was currently employed or not. I know the place like the back of my hand, and I pride myself on being really good at doing what I do there.
I have some issues with my family. My dad left the restaurant when I was 12, to join the fire department full time. My grandfather (deceased) was a workaholic who was impossible to please and my grandmother is a snob who wanted to reap all the benefits of being a business proprietor (prestige, money, etc.) without ever actually having to work in the place. The times she is behind the counter, she is a bitch. Seriously, I have people recognize me from work and ask me who the bitchy old lady is that works there. I used to defend her; now I just tell them she's the owner, and yes she is a bitch. Anyway, they gave him hell when he quit, told him they never needed him in the first place, and that he would be seriously cut from their will. This pissed him off, understandably, because he had invested a huge amount of time into getting that business off the ground and running it well. I don't think he cared about the inheritance, but that his own PARENTS, instead of being happy for him for pursuing a dream, basically shit on him for it.
At this point, they brought in my aunt to manage the restaurant. She is lazy, always late, always leaving early, doesn't want to be there but doesn't know how to do anything else, and basically lets the cooks who have been there 20+ years run the place. In other words, she's there briefly during the day, doesn't ever come up front, and depends on the cooks to tattle when things aren't going well. She also has a bad habit of leaving nasty notes for people, or sending messages through someone else instead of confronting someone face to face ( like a good manager) when she has a problem with them.
After my stint in construction ended this spring, my intentions were to take a few months off work altogether and pursue MY dream; starting a business as a wedding consultant. After a few weeks of rest, I was bored and offered to my aunt that if she was short handed with people being on vacation or out sick, I would be happy to fill in a day or two here and there, just to give me something to do. I should have known better, because soon I was being scheduled five days a week, and had no time to focus on what I needed to be doing. But I enjoyed seeing old faces and making a little money vs. none, so I put up with it for a while. I really thought I could just work there and mind my own business and not get int the middle of all the crap that goes on constantly.
One day I came in and there was a nasty note from my aunt and grandmother stating that we were to treat each other with respect and not tell each other things like "Shut up". This is coming from the same people who let the lunch cook yell and cuss at high school aged kids and occassionally make them cry. It turned out that the night manager, who I really like, had had some problem with one of the cooks and it was a big he-said she-said thing. Supposedly, the manager had told the cook to shut up, and like I said, the cooks run the place. They will defend the cooks at all cost, and treat a front person like they are expendible. The night manager saw this note upon arriving for her shift, and quit. My aunt didn't really want to lose her, because she is too lazy to hire someone else, so she tried to get the two of them to talk it out. But everytime the manager opened her mouth, she interupted her, which would make anybody mad because you can't give your side of the story. This eventually led to my aunt screaming and cussing at her "You f-ing b**ch", "g.d this", and "it's my restaurant, not yours!" So the manager quit, and since it was the end of my shift, I offered to drive her home.
After seeing that display it reminded me of all the messed up stuff my family has done, and coupled with the fact that she was taking advantage of me and I wasn't getting any work done on my business, I decided to quit. Four other people also quit that night, walking right out when they heard what happened to the night manager (we liked her). I wanted to make a statement, but mindful of the fact that these people are my family and I still have to get through Thanksiving dinner with them, I decided to be tactful. I waited a day or two, and told her that I would finish the shifts that I was scheduled for, but could no longer work for her because I needed to focus on my business. I never mentioned the quitting.
That same weekend I found out that they hired back my best friend (who I met working there) and my future brother in law, and were paying both of them- on their first day/ first day back in 7 years, what I had been making as a MANAGER. Also, all the kids who didn't quit got raises equalling that amount. I was royally pissed, because that was an insult as far as I was concerned, that I wasn't worth any more to them than these newcomers. But I just decided that it was further proof it was best for me to leave, and I never said anything because, you know, family, and I still wanted to be able to eat there and visit if I wanted to. So far, everyone has been civil and my aunt even invited me to gulf shores last weekend. I still come by and visit, come in the back to the office to talk and everything.
My aunt has slowly been giving my friend more responsibility than he wanted, asking him to do things like close and count money- which he specifically said he did not want to do. But she asked him to do these things so she didn't have to come back to the restaurant at night to close up. He called me last night asking for her phone number, because he couldn't remember how to count down the registers. I was on my way there anyway, so I walked in, went to the office, and told him how to add up the cash on the adding machine. The registers have changed since I was a manager, and I couldn't read the reciepts that give the totals for the day. So I called my aunt from my cell, on her cell, and explained that I was in the office and (friend) was having trouble counting down the drawers and I could help him if she could tell me how to read the new tapes. She said that she couldn't hear me well, and would call back on the main line. So I'm waiting for the office phone to ring, when I notice the head cook answer the kitchen phone and looking in my direction. It was obviously my aunt on the line. I was waiting for her to call me to the phone, and wondering why she hadn't called in the office, when (friend) walked past the cook, who said something to him and hung up the phone.
My friend comes back to the office and said he was just going to put all the money in bags until tomorrow. I asked him what else was said and he wouldn't tell me. Then the cook yells to me that my aunt had said that I was not to be in the office because I wasn't working there, and that only my friend should be inside. I was shocked. If she didn't want me in the office for whatever reason, I don't really understand because here I had made the attempt to HELP someone, because for the most part I knew what I was doing. But if she had issues with me being in the office, she should have TOLD ME, instead of hanging up, calling someone else, and telling them to tell me to get out. How chickenshit is that? To make matters worse, after I went to wait out front (waiting for my friend to get off work) my aunt called back and (friend) overheard her asking the cook to tell her what I was doing in the office. What did she think I was doing, stealing?! I was trying to help.
Some of you may be thinking that it makes sense not to have a non-employee in the office, but I guarantee if it had been her daughter or son, who never even really worked there, she wouldn't have cared. I have had access to the office for years, and she never expressed any concern over my dealing with the money. In fact, she has always said she's glad when I'm there because she trusts me. For whatever reason she is acting like I am a disgruntled ex-employee who may be looking for a chance to cause trouble. After all the effort I went through to leave on good terms, being mindful that these people are still my family, and we haven't had any problems since I quit, I can't believe she would act this way.
My friend and I talked it over last night, and I had a moment of crystal clarity. All these years, I knew I would never inherit the restaurant. Since my dad quit, my aunt is next in line, and her kids will follow, I suppose- if she doesn't run it into the ground before then. But we've all had our part in working there, and to me it always felt like the family business. Now I realize, my aunt doesn't see it that way. She sees it as HER business. Hers and hers alone. I was nothing but another employee to her, someone who made her life easier because I knew what I was doing and took pride in my job. Now that I'm of no benefit to her, she doesn't want me around to help or be any part of what goes on in the place.
It was a moment of shock when I realized this, and I have to admit it hurts. The restaurant has been my Cheers for so long, part of my history and who I am. And now it's gone. Oh I can still eat there, but I'm no more special than anyone else. And I bet when my grandmother dies (who for all her faults has never asked me to pay for my food) my aunt will start requiring me to pay. Although they always give stuff away to my cousin's friends, boyfriends, and my aunt's boyfriend's ungrateful, bitch daughters.
So yeah, that's it. This whole time I was laboring under the false assumption that it was the family place, in which I had my role and was always welcome. Now I know otherwise. After all the time I put in there, it really doesn't seem fair, though I never expected anymore than to just feel at home when I walked in the door. My goal now is to become so successfull as a wedding consultant that I can hire on my friend, causing him to quit the restaurant, and we'll start our own version of Cheers, this time without the drama.
God blesss you if you read all this. I really need support right now. I'm going to be okay, but it hurts. I was up all night thinking about it. And I don't know how to relate to my aunt and grandmother at this point. I'm tempted to say screw them, and skip the holidays with them altogether, and just see my mom, dad, and sister. Thoughts? I really need some compassion right now. Feeling rejected by family hurts, and losing something that's been part of your identity since birth is hard.
and hope you're okay with that eventually, but I DO know what to say about not seeing your aunt/grandmother.
Comment