As most of you know, I have been under a lot of stress at work. I got a promotion that I wanted REALLY badly. But of course, as it always happens, when I work hard for something I really want and I finally get it, it always comes with too many drawbacks and too many cons than pros.
I came to a new department. I know my place. I know I am not in charge of anyone. My purpose is to train new people and to give them all the knowledge that I know, and to help them succeed to be the best that they can be. I made that promise to my supervisor and to the company when I signed my promotion papers. I will uphold that promise.
Now, notice I just said that I KNOW my place. I do not act like I am above anyone. I ask a lot of questions to room runners and senior operators because I am still new to their department and am unsure at times of what goes where, what do I do when this happens, etc etc.....and I figured people would be understanding and helpful that I want their assistance and look up to THEM for guidance.
Nope, that's not the case. The first two weeks, I got in trouble for my attire, which went uncomplained about for over a year and just out of the blue. Not only that, but I am being watched like a hawk watching a field mouse. People are paying more attention to what I am doing rather than what they SHOULD be doing. I am being observed like a mouse in some experiment in a laboratory.
They are just waiting for me to screw up. Watching me, waiting for me to drop something, waiting for me to damage something, waiting for me to put something away incorrectly.
I am ashamed to admit that last week, out of the 4 days I worked (I had to take a night off because I was about to have a mental breakdown, and I mean it!), two of the days, I put my hood up as I walked to my car at shift end and wiped tears away from my eyes and walked into my parents house with mascara mudslide going down my cheeks. Then I had to explain to my parents that I was a coward and I had succumbed to these people's expectations of failure from me. Now I know there is nothing wrong with crying, but I felt so WEAK. I SHOULD have stood up for myself, I should have.....
Well in a few hours it will be the start of a new week. I would like all of these pricks and bitches to realize that what happened last week will NOT happen again.
I will do my job and do it well. I will not give a shit if you are watching me. I will look back at you and give you a puzzled face, as if to say "What's your problem?"
I will walk with confidence, not walking looking at the floor. I will walk past all of you, facing forward, not listening to hear the things you have to say about my body or my age. I am better than that.
I will have you know that I am a pretty mild tempered nice girl. I realize in that type of work area, there will be things said about my age and my appearance. As well as anyone else who is young and has the potential to go above and beyond.
But there is only so much bullshit I have to take. I will NOT cower and walk away crying or hide in the bathroom again. I WILL corner you. I will NOT stoop to your level and swear at you or throttle you like I want to. I will stand up for myself in a mature mannor, and lay everything on the table. I will let you know EXACTLY how I feel about the way you have all been treating me lately. I will also let you know that if you insist on continuing this behavior, I will talk to my boss about it. He may have taken your sides with my clothes, but he will NOT tolerate you all treating me this way when I have done nothing wrong except darken your doorways with my presence.
These people are stupid and ignortant. Several people in my other department have already hated me so and tried their hardest to get me to run away crying and make me quit, but what happened to them? I stood up to them and reported them, and they got in HEAP BIG TROUBLE for it. Now they have to watch THEIR backs, as if they do it again, THEY are gone. Do you want to be on thin ice and out of a job just because you hated someone for no reason? Didn't think so.
What happened these last two weeks will NOT happen again. I am too strong mentally and have put up with this shit from people my own age my entire life. I will be DAMNED if I let people twice and beyond twice my age try to make me run away screaming to mommy and daddy. I will be DAMNED if I let jealous angry people try to ruin my life and jeopardize my job.
You have been warned. Now get back to work already.
I came to a new department. I know my place. I know I am not in charge of anyone. My purpose is to train new people and to give them all the knowledge that I know, and to help them succeed to be the best that they can be. I made that promise to my supervisor and to the company when I signed my promotion papers. I will uphold that promise.
Now, notice I just said that I KNOW my place. I do not act like I am above anyone. I ask a lot of questions to room runners and senior operators because I am still new to their department and am unsure at times of what goes where, what do I do when this happens, etc etc.....and I figured people would be understanding and helpful that I want their assistance and look up to THEM for guidance.
Nope, that's not the case. The first two weeks, I got in trouble for my attire, which went uncomplained about for over a year and just out of the blue. Not only that, but I am being watched like a hawk watching a field mouse. People are paying more attention to what I am doing rather than what they SHOULD be doing. I am being observed like a mouse in some experiment in a laboratory.
They are just waiting for me to screw up. Watching me, waiting for me to drop something, waiting for me to damage something, waiting for me to put something away incorrectly.
I am ashamed to admit that last week, out of the 4 days I worked (I had to take a night off because I was about to have a mental breakdown, and I mean it!), two of the days, I put my hood up as I walked to my car at shift end and wiped tears away from my eyes and walked into my parents house with mascara mudslide going down my cheeks. Then I had to explain to my parents that I was a coward and I had succumbed to these people's expectations of failure from me. Now I know there is nothing wrong with crying, but I felt so WEAK. I SHOULD have stood up for myself, I should have.....
Well in a few hours it will be the start of a new week. I would like all of these pricks and bitches to realize that what happened last week will NOT happen again.
I will do my job and do it well. I will not give a shit if you are watching me. I will look back at you and give you a puzzled face, as if to say "What's your problem?"
I will walk with confidence, not walking looking at the floor. I will walk past all of you, facing forward, not listening to hear the things you have to say about my body or my age. I am better than that.
I will have you know that I am a pretty mild tempered nice girl. I realize in that type of work area, there will be things said about my age and my appearance. As well as anyone else who is young and has the potential to go above and beyond.
But there is only so much bullshit I have to take. I will NOT cower and walk away crying or hide in the bathroom again. I WILL corner you. I will NOT stoop to your level and swear at you or throttle you like I want to. I will stand up for myself in a mature mannor, and lay everything on the table. I will let you know EXACTLY how I feel about the way you have all been treating me lately. I will also let you know that if you insist on continuing this behavior, I will talk to my boss about it. He may have taken your sides with my clothes, but he will NOT tolerate you all treating me this way when I have done nothing wrong except darken your doorways with my presence.
These people are stupid and ignortant. Several people in my other department have already hated me so and tried their hardest to get me to run away crying and make me quit, but what happened to them? I stood up to them and reported them, and they got in HEAP BIG TROUBLE for it. Now they have to watch THEIR backs, as if they do it again, THEY are gone. Do you want to be on thin ice and out of a job just because you hated someone for no reason? Didn't think so.
What happened these last two weeks will NOT happen again. I am too strong mentally and have put up with this shit from people my own age my entire life. I will be DAMNED if I let people twice and beyond twice my age try to make me run away screaming to mommy and daddy. I will be DAMNED if I let jealous angry people try to ruin my life and jeopardize my job.
You have been warned. Now get back to work already.
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