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  • Job Description of a Custard Server...

    This description was written by a friend and co-worker of mine. I take no credit for writing any of it's amazingness. But it quite accurately describes the job I worked for six years. (italics my comments)

    Clogging arteries and getting kickbacks from Cleveland's cardiologists; making Death by Chocolate custard with a little too much death; averting disaster; constructing super-explosive rootbeer floats (they really do explode if a lid is placed on them); reading the minds of those unable to speak in coherent sentences (I know many of us are used to this); explaining why custard melts rather quickly during the summer (actual question, asked several times by several different people); collecting religious pamphlets left on the counters; getting pleasure out of making annoying people fat; inventing dozens of new curse words daily; arbitrarily diagnosing customers with nearly everything listed in the DSM-IV-TR; catalyzing every known eating disorder (we have several regular bulemic/anorexic customers who always get our no-sugar-added/fat-free yogurt, I've been known to try and sneak in a little regular custard in hopes of putting some weigh on them. Then of course there are the over eaters...); noticing amusing demographic trends; preparing for war against Weber's (arms race, drive-thru drive-bys) (another ice cream shop, literally right down the street from us. Several times a year, someone will come up and ask if we're Weber's...When in fact our store name is displayed not only on our aprons, hats, and on a GIGANTIC SIGN, but even plastered on magnets on our napkin holders right in FRONT of them!); general mischief.

  • #2
    Maybe it's a bit naughty to sneak in non-fat-free custard to people who don't ask for it? Your fat free product might be the only medically approved treat they are allowed for dietary reasons, and if that gives them a bad reaction, they have even less tasty goodness in their lives.

    Allergies are awful. A good friend recently told me that some time ago his allergy to chilli was triggered by CHILI VODKA that he was given by mistake (!! I have never heard of such a thing) and he went into anaphylactic shock and ended up being stomach pumped and on life support.

    As for me, I wish I lived near your shop. Custard, yum. Root beer, double yum. Sadly, I live in the UK.

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    • #3
      People with allergies always mention it before hand (nuts, glucose, dairy - yes we get people with dairy allergies coming up to a custard shop!) and we cater to them well. There's one family that comes up with a nut allergy, so we grab a new, clean scoop and don't let it touch anything except the specific custard they are getting and we will hand mix their concretes (Blizzard/McFlurry).

      These woman, as much as I hate to say it, are obviously anorexic. Once regularly gets a Cafe Mocha shake made with whatever fat-free we have that day (even if it's Pistachio!) and gets it made with water, not our shake base (which is custard-based). So every so often I'll sneak a little shake base in there and maybe add some more chocolate sauce or coffee syrup. She still comes back...Though she still doesn't look like she's gained any weight...

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      • #4
        Quoth Custard Chick View Post
        explaining why custard melts rather quickly during the summer
        Duh, it's to get customers to buy more.

        Oddly enough, I did know the answer to that once.
        Unseen but seeing
        oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
        There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
        3rd shift needs love, too
        RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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        • #5
          Quoth BeckySunshine View Post
          Duh, it's to get customers to buy more.

          Oddly enough, I did know the answer to that once.
          Frozen Custard + Hot Sun = Melty, Custardy Goodness. Yummy!
          ...WHY DO YOU TEMPT WHAT LITTLE FAITH IN HUMANITY I HAVE!?! -- Kalga
          And I want a pony for Christmas but neither of us is getting what we want OK! What you are asking is impossible. -- Wicked Lexi

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          • #6
            I am confused about this 'custard'. In the UK custard is a yellowish vanilla flavoured thing made with eggs and other stuff, I think.

            Sometimes it has chocolate in it. It is usually hot, not frozen. Is what you are calling custard the same stuff I'd call frozen yoghurt? Or is it what I'd call custard, but frozen?
            Deepak Chopra says, "Fear deprives people of choice. Fear shrinks the world into isolated, defensive enclaves. Fear spirals out of control. Fear makes everyday life seem clouded over with danger.

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            • #7
              I assumed it's what we call blancmange, because that is available in different flavours.

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              • #8
                Quoth GingerBiscuit View Post
                I am confused about this 'custard'. In the UK custard is a yellowish vanilla flavoured thing made with eggs and other stuff, I think.
                I am not an expert but according to Wiki

                Frozen custard is a type of cold dessert similar to ice cream, made with eggs in addition to cream and sugar. It typically contains 10% butterfat and 1.4% egg yolk.

                So probably a little richer than standard ice cream.

                But I could be wrong.
                I don't go in for ancient wisdom
                I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
                It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

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                • #9
                  Quoth BookstoreEscapee View Post
                  I am not an expert but according to Wiki

                  Frozen custard is a type of cold dessert similar to ice cream, made with eggs in addition to cream and sugar. It typically contains 10% butterfat and 1.4% egg yolk.

                  So probably a little richer than standard ice cream.
                  Generally around here it's a term used to describe "soft-serve ice cream". It may have extra stuff or not, depending on the quality of the local place.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth JustADude View Post
                    Frozen Custard + Hot Sun = Melty, Custardy Goodness. Yummy!
                    I agree. Too bad I haven't found a place in NJ that has heard of frozen custard. I have to go back to WI more often.


                    Quoth Gurndigarn View Post
                    Generally around here it's a term used to describe "soft-serve ice cream". It may have extra stuff or not, depending on the quality of the local place.
                    Blasphemy!!!!

                    Soft serve and frozen custard are not even CLOSE to being the same thing, with names to be used interchangeably.
                    Unseen but seeing
                    oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                    There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                    3rd shift needs love, too
                    RIP, mo bhrionglóid

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Wiki is correct. Contrary to popular to belief: Custard IS NOT soft serve!!!

                      That was a huuuuuuge pet peeve of mine! Our custard is whipped in a machine and comes out of the machine and into a tub where we scoop it out! Therefore there is no Dairy Queen swirl.

                      Vanilla custard is creamier than soft-serve and not air-whipped like the Dairy Queen stuff. As Wiki stated, it's a higher percentage of butterfat than ice cream and is made with eggs.

                      It is DELICIOUS! Once you have custard, you'll never go back!

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Bagga View Post
                        I assumed it's what we call blancmange, because that is available in different flavours.
                        BLANCMANGE!?!!? It's going to turn everyone into SCOTSMEN!!! Find Angus Podgorny, we have to win Wimbledon!!
                        Testing
                        "I saw a flock of moosen! There were many of 'em. Many much moosen. Out in the woods- in the woodes- in the woodsen. The meese want the food. The food is to eatenesen."

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