Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[edible_hat]

I'm not allowed to bring in a shortwave radio and tune it to the local air traffic control frequencies, even though that's better than the top 40 station that some co-workers insist on listening to.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When the Cheerful Clearance Swamp Lady comes over the PA at 7:55 each morning to remind us the store will be opening in 5 minutes and to have a nice day, a proper response is not any of the following:

• Too late.
• Bite me.
• Blow me.
• Eat me.
• Up yours.
• Cram it.
• Shove it.
• Stick it.
• Ram it up your ass and get a yeast infection.
• F*ck you.
• I got your nice day right here.
• Kiss my ass.
• Suck my ass.
• Put a sock in it.
• Shut up.
• Shut up, you slack-c***ed mongoloid hausfrau.

[fireheart]

When the Cheerful Clearance Swamp Lady comes over the PA at 7:55 each morning to remind us the store will be opening in 5 minutes and to have a nice day, a proper response is not any of the following:

• Too late.
• Bite me.
• Blow me.
• Eat me.
• Up yours.
• Cram it.
• Shove it.
• Stick it.
• Ram it up your ass and get a yeast infection.
• F*ck you.
• I got your nice day right here.
• Kiss my ass.
• Suck my ass.
• Put a sock in it.
• Shut up.
• Shut up, you slack-c***ed mongoloid hausfrau.

Dammit Irv, nearly violated Rule #1 on that one!

And my list of things not to do from today:

-No imitating a zombie.
-Stop squealing when coworker keeps grabbing you and tickling you (she was doing it as a joke)
-No sing-songing over the PA or over the phone to the supervisor on duty.

And finally....

-STOP FLIRTING WITH THE BUTCHERS!

(although on that note, one of them is going on a date with me )

[mandaliz8704]

~I'm not allowed to tell the customers who are still shopping after we're closed (We arent allowed to make closing announcements) that half the lights shut off because the rabid guard dogs don't like bright light.

~I'm not allowed to call the General Manager and the Assistant Managers "Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch".

~I'm not allowed to organize cart drags down the center aisle 10 minutes before Open. Loser gets the Red-Headed-Step-Register that shares a counter with the Tech guy (who has no problem taking his half out of the middle).

~Easy Button remixes may no longer be broadcast on the overhead:
"That was Easy! Tha-tha-was-Th-EASY! was that easy that easy that easy that that that was easy easyeasy"

~I am not to shake up a bottle of Diet Coke and buy it for Joe Cool the AM.

~I am not to call the AM Joe Cool. or Joe Momma. Definitely never call him Joe Blow.

~CW is not allowed to page "Whore Check" instead of "Floor Check" at close.
~ I am not allowed to reply "FOUND ONE!"

[Bella_Vixen]

mandaliz8704, I think I you.

[Digitalpotato]

*When people sing the $5 footlong song, charge them double.
*Remove the Chicken Bacon Ranch from the $5 footlong so we don't have to make enough of them to break Vegeta's Scouter.
*Squirt unruly customers with Vinegar
*Pour Jalapeno juice in our coworker's vault
*Put a Jalapeno on a stick
*Say "Turkey" in a british accent.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Special Smurfs edition:

All of this was brought on by the new Smurfs plush toys that came in on today's truck.

• Not allowed to wonder aloud how many Smurf VDs Smurfette is carrying.
• Vanity Smurf is not teh ghey smurf. As far as I know.
• Grumpy Smurf is not a crotchety old bastard.
• There is probably a good reason why there are not plush toys of Gargamel and that cat of his, Azrael.
• I am not feeling "smurfy."
• Or "smurfalicious."
• I will not smurf anybody in the smurf.
• Quit asking what color a smurf turns when you choke him.
• And quit singing the Smurfs theme song already!

I am, however, allowed to bring the Smurf toys to the daily team huddle and play with them. We're encouraged to bring new products from our departments to huddles, so fellow employees know we have them and how they work.

[jedimaster91]

*Put a Jalapeno on a stick

So, can you put it on a "steek"?

[Becks]

Irv, can you be "smurftastic"?

[Geek King]

Irv, can you be "smurftastic"?

In relation to Irv's smurf facination:

http://skippyslist.com/2008/11/18/fa-la-lala-lala/

[Bagboy]

-not allowed to sing Toms Diner over the PA
-Not allowed to call random people
-Not allowed to imitate the manager
-Not allowed go inside when theres a thunderstorm
-Not allowed to talk about boats

[Becks]

In relation to Irv's smurf facination:

http://skippyslist.com/2008/11/18/fa-la-lala-lala/

You know, that's something that I would come up with. And I loved the ending.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

• Intimate apparel is not to be referred to as "slutwear".
• When somebody asks me how to sort softlines off the truck, not allowed to answer "Penises and vagainas, and that's really all you need to know."

[Bandit]

Test the full-monty* conference centre's DVD and audio system with a video of Paranoid at 1:30pm

Be found air-guitaring/headbanging to it.

B

*two plasma and one 120" projection screen and an audio system to die for.

[reirei]

-no longer alowed to refer to the intake phone line as the auditory torture device in front of customes
a. or managers
b. especially the distric manager
c. It does not matter that he agrees with you