Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[HarlynQuinn]

-Do not refer to unattended children as 'potential victims for corruption'
-Stop tricking customers with empty cases, blank discs, systems without power cords, etc.
I've also got told by my boss today that I need to quit tricking customers into thinking I'm my own evil twin... And stop making fun of the male customers for not being sure if I'm a guy or not (I wear really baggy clothes and keep my hair in a beanie) and then flirting with them until they question their sexuality.

[lordlundar]

-Do not refer to unattended children as 'potential victims for corruption'

That's right, that title is reserved for new employees.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When stocking toys and coming across a Barbie hair-styling head, please do not announce "I got head from Barbie!"

[Boggles]

I AM allowed to agree that customers swinging the shop door into the stand behind it is an issue. However....

- I am not allowed to design an elegant solution involving pressure switches and electrified door mats.

- nor am I allowed to build a Heath Robinson-esque machine for hitting the offenders with a rolled up newspaper. Even if it would be fun to watch.

[Aethian]

I'm not allowed to juggle the packages of bubble wrap. Even tho it was fun and a couple people laughed including the boss... *pouts*

[jedimaster91]

Not allowed to randomly yell "HULK SMASH!!" within earshot of patients. They are freaked out by radiation enough and I don't need to frighten them further.

[fireheart]

-If someone asks me what's in the cup/bowl that I'm eating for lunch, the correct response is not "Cream of Sum Yung Gui."
-I am not allowed to stand around for 2 mnutes doing breathing exercises to calm down when my manager is around (supervisor yes, manager no....)

[coldcupofjoe]

I am not allowed throw large heavy object at small spiders.
Makeshift flamethrowers are not the best way to kill the eight legged vermin.
Just because I know how to build a cannon doesn't mean I should!
I am not allowed to play with the welder.
The welder is not for welding my coworkers bay door shut.
I am not allowed to use the welder on or near an open gas tank.
If I fog bomb a car interior I must do it outside the shop.
Its not a good idea to sit in the car that's being fog bombed.
I shouldn't try to convince the salesmen to sit inside of cars that I'm fog bombing.
I am not Superman.
I can't fly.
I can't stop bullets with my eyeball.
I can't run faster than mag-lev trains.
If I fall off the roof, I will not bounce.
'Lighting my farts' is not an acceptable answer when a customer asks what I've been doing. (He was being an ass)
I shouldn't pretend to know that a random drug test has been scheduled just so I can watch half the salesmen go two weeks without their "pick-me-ups." (Even if it is funny.)
Drinking the nontoxic washer fluid to convince the new make ready guy the big 55 gallon drum of toxic washer fluid is safe to drink is not cool.
'At least I stopped him before he swallowed' does not in fact make it funny.
I'm not allowed to complain when he gets me back.
Just because it's flammable doesn't mean its sole purpose for existing is to burn.
Gasifoam is not a word we use around young impressionable teenage boys.

[fireheart]

Gasifoam is not a word we use around young impressionable teenage boys.

I don't get it.

[Krivak]

sounds like a safety chemical...

[fireheart]

OK, little background for these: I had the contraceptive implant put in recently and at the moment, there's a nice line of bruising that runs all along where the implant is located. There's also a nice big line of gauze over the actual insertion point. To stop customers from asking questions, I cover my arm up with a bandage. That said...

-I am not allowed to say that it's the result of sticking my arm down the hole in the conveyor belt.
-Nor is it from sticking my arm in the box crusher.
-I CAN however, say that it's a tat.

[akaScooby]

- Not allowed to refer to the charity tin as "our booze fund"
- But it's okay to do with the swear jar
- No making customers contribute to the swear jar
- or use the phrase "swearing's not allowed in this fucking store"
- not allowed to comment when "larger people" spend more on food than they did fueling their 4WD
- no randomly hitting emergency stop button when there's an annoying customer on pump
- feel free to stop individual pumps but don't get caught
- while I can sketch while it's quiet, if asked what I'm drawing the proper response is never "smurf porn"
- I may not explain to a twelve year old what polyamorous means
- or laugh when a co-worker does
- there is such a thing as too much red bull
- do not refer to the porn mags as children's books
- the mallet is for repairs only
- correcting a customer's attitude does not count as repairs
- don't smile it creeps people out
- not allowed to discuss "side-effects" of new chocolate bars

I am allowed to listen to my iPod at work because it actually improves my customer service performance. However:
- I shouldn't sing along
- or dance
- no singing screamo versions of Taylor Swift songs while re-stocking the coolroom of a morning
- or at anytime really
- especially if the PA mic is on

[Hobbs]

OK, little background for these: I had the contraceptive implant put in recently and at the moment, there's a nice line of bruising that runs all along where the implant is located. There's also a nice big line of gauze over the actual insertion point. To stop customers from asking questions, I cover my arm up with a bandage. That said...

-I am not allowed to say that it's the result of sticking my arm down the hole in the conveyor belt.
-Nor is it from sticking my arm in the box crusher.
-I CAN however, say that it's a tat.

Does it show my ignorance if I wonder why you have the insertion in your arm...?

Also, my bad if this is too personal.

-Cadet Airmen are now "peons."
-Even if my MS Group Cdr is the one who suggested the term.
-I can't grumble about being asked to do something.
-But I can delegate it to a subordinate.

[fireheart]

Does it show my ignorance if I wonder why you have the insertion in your arm...?

the implant itself is about the size of a matchstick. It releases out one of the hormones that stops ovulation IIRC. It lasts for three years.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

I am not allowed to sing "Cinderelly" from the Disney Movie when Bossman yells for Sup the thousanth time today.

I'm not allowed to have soda at lunch anymore, because the sugar makes me loopy and hiccuppy, and Sup is starting to wonder if I spike my meals.

I'm also not allowed to make notes in the journal entries about client purchases: ("*shady talent website*? You are a twit."/"Who uses a business card for plastic surgury?")

Soy milk is not "bean juice" (even though it is).