Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[superhotelworker]

-- I am not allowed to collapse in a fit of giggles when a guest says I'd choke on 'it."
-- I am also not allowed to remind him, my mother told me not to put small objects in my mouth.
-- I will be nice when I remind customers that without an elevator, we can't have one of the luggage carts. Cart + Stairs = Bad!

[Evil Queen]

-I'm not allowed to kill my co-irkers.
-I'm not supposed to purr at a man in uniform (but I do anyways!)
-I'm not allowed to kill my co-irker because he called me at 2am asking how to do something stupid.
-I'm not allowed to kill my co-irker because he called me as I was walking out my front door to drive the 3 minutes to work to ask how he takes in cash when a credit card payment was already processed. (and he's been here 2 months and he's been trained on this multiple times)
-I'm not allowed to dance a victory jig because that irritating co-irker was fired.
-I'm not supposed to kill my new co-irker who's annoying me to DEATH.

[fireheart]

-- I am not allowed to collapse in a fit of giggles when a guest says I'd choke on 'it."
-- I am also not allowed to remind him, my mother told me not to put small objects in my mouth.

Juice through the nose hurts.

[MoscowMinion]

Interesting things that you're not allowed to do in Yellowstone National Park (a number of these are illegal).

Thou Shalt Not...

...Suggest that a less than intelligent customer go pet one of the animals.
...Or go swimming in one of the hot springs.
...Or take a dive into any of the rivers from the cliffs above them.
...Tell the less than intelligent that the animals are let out of their cages (in the Lammar Valley) at 0500, and that is, therefore, the best time to see them.
...Or that the ten point elk standing outside the building is completely tame, and that the bugling is an indicator of this.
...Imply, in any fashion, that -any- of the animals are tame for this too is illegal.
...Arrange an elaborate hoax involving a tv remote and several rusty lengths of metal pipe to give the appearance that Old Faithful is, in fact, controlled by people.
...Tell people that Old Faithful is controlled by the Park Service.
...Tell people that it's okay to go up to Lookout Point and illuminate Old Faithful with a five-million candlepower spotlight.
...Or that it's okay to go into the Government Area to pirate internet access.
...Putting a chef's knife through a steel counter-top should be considered bad...
...It's not okay to shove someone you don't like, be they touron or co-worker, into Morning Glory Pool.
...Or any other hot-spring.
...Or mud pit.
...Urinating into Old Faithful is -bad-.
...Particularly if you're sober. (Yep...sober tourist at around 2100 was arrested in '07 for peeing into a geyser that jets two to three hundred degree steam every sixty-five minutes or so)
...Calling Tourons Tourons...where they can hear you...bad.
...Even if they're too stupid to get it.
...Or if they're not only smart enough to get it, but find it friggin' hilarious.
...There are -no- lights around Old Faithful, they do -not- get turned on at night, and as a result you -cannot- view the geyser after sunset.
...Implying that the Park Service, as a result of their brilliant decision to use dynamite within one-hundred yards of Old Faithful, will destroy one of the most famous geothermal features on earth is not something one should do where the Rangers (or the Tourons) can hear you.
...Don't tell Tourons without back-country passes how to reach back-country trails...they have a habit of going missing.
...Also, don't tell Tourons that it's a-okay to hike the loop trails in the Geyser Basin without water during mid-summer.
...The ravens do not speak and are not laughing as they shred the custom leather interior of the brand new Mustang Convertible sitting in the parking lot across the way.
...You are not to laugh while above happens either.
...Nor when they do the same thing to the leather seat of the newish looking Harley Davidson motorcycle.
...The proper response when somebody tries to put their child on the back of the two-thousand pound bison for a 'cute photo' is to call 911, not to roll on the ground laughing.
...It is also not proper to laugh at the Tourons when they chase a black bear into the trees...again, call 911.
...Telling Tourons that the hot-springs are not, in fact, hot, is strictly forbidden. That said, you are not required to correct them if they feel the need to prove this by sticking their hand in the water.
...In the event that the above happens....call 911 -before- curling up on the ground so you can die laughing.
...The water in the hot-springs is -not- to be consumed, for any reason. Do -not- tell irritating Tourons and Co-workers that it is.
...The animals are not laughing at people behind their back, and telling them they are, or in any other way encouraging a person's paranoia, is -wrong-.


Pity I'm not welcome anymore...lots of good memories from YNP, as well as some -awesome- stories.

[fireheart]

-No asking my coworkers "Are you sure? Are you sure? are you sure? are you sure? are you sure?" repeatedly.
-I am not allowed to walk into a room, scream "THE SHOES!" randomly and walk out.
-When a coworker hands me bloody, dripping meat, I am not allowed to state that the meat has Aunt Irma visiting it.
-Do not even mention "aunt irma" around my manager or my schoolage coworkers. (the terminology I use at home is simply "monthlies", the terminology I use with friends both male and female is "that time of the month", ex-boyfriend called it "prehistoric monster syndrome" and my boyfriend uses "shark week." I tend to use the latter two at work)

Most of those were inspired by The IT Crowd.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When the front end is soliciting motivational quotes to write on their whiteboard to encourage the cashiers to sell EPPs and sign people up for the loyalty card, do not submit as a suggestion "We're not screwing the customers. All we're doing is holding them down while the salespeople screw them."

[El Pollo Guerrera]

I am no longer allowed to set the top line of the pricing gun to the following characters:

\ .. /

... as a tribute to the life and career of Ronnie James Dio.

[BrenDAnn]

Hmm let's see here...At the c-store we
--Are not allowed to set up a patio table & chairs outside the store for breaks
--Nor are we allowed to be sitting in said chairs, waving and sipping drinks, when manager arrives for work
--Are not allowed to sneak up on each other, even if it is fun to watch our co-workers jump out of their skin
--Are not allowed to spend the entirety of our shifts standing by the door, acting as the greeter for the store
--Talking on our cell phones for the entirety of our shifts is also bad (but tell that to my AM & a couple of my co-workers!)
--Are not allowed to mark ourselves with the counterfeit detecting pen, notice that the ink doesn't change color, and shout "I'M REAL!!"
--Are not allowed to mark one another with the marking gun, which we should be using to put expiration dates on things
--Are not allowed to fall asleep leaning against the cash register in the middle of our shifts
--Are not allowed to pretend to be an answering machine when we answer the pizza phone (Thank you for calling **pizza**. Unfortunately, our cooks are busy. Leave your order, name and phone number, and we will make it sometime tonight. Thank you!)
--Are not allowed to randomly burst out singing, especially when manager is around
--Are really not supposed to do the crosswords in the newspapers while we're working
--Are really not supposed to read the newspapers while on duty, period

I know there are more, but I'm too tired to think of them! I'll come back with more later! In case anyone is wondering, the patio set has been a running joke at the store for a long while. It gets the manager riled up something fierce when we joke about it!

[fireheart]

-Stop telling customers the registers are possessed!
-No mocking the groceries manager's new haircut.
-No singing on the PA.
-Especially not The Sailor Song or Tarzan and Jane.
-No recreating the Tarzan and Jane music video with a male coworker.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When doing planograms and cleaning shelves with a rag and cleanser of some sort, do not twist moist rag up like a towel and use it to thwack co-workers on the bum.

This is a place of business, not a locker room.

[fireheart]

Dammit Irv, I just snorted breakfast juice out my nose!

-No swearing whenever a carton of cigarettes breaks open on me. (Nearly ALL brands apart from Winfield, Pall mall, Marlboro, Dunhill, B&H and the twin packs of those brands are in plastic wrap rather than actual boxes)
-No throwing cartons of cigarettes at your coworkers.
-Slims do not refer to the customer's genitalia size.
-We do not carry beer-flavoured cigars. (we do carry wine-flavoured ones)
-Nor do we carry chocolate-flavoured ones.

[Teysa]

cannot feed annoying co-workers to the lobsters. That goes for annoying customers too.

[Exaspera]

I am not allowed to chunk dryboard erasers at sleeping students.

[Magpie]

I am not allowed to chunk dryboard erasers at sleeping students.

Are you sure that you're not allowed to? You might want to consider moving jobs, because that's supposed to be one of the perks.

[Exaspera]

Are you sure that you're not allowed to? You might want to consider moving jobs, because that's supposed to be one of the perks.

Hmmmmm, I'm going to have to look into this!