Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to, under any circumstances, dance around and tell my coworkers that "I am so fucking rock".

[DGoddessChardonnay]

One I witnessed a vendor do this past Monday:

Don't ride on the electric pallet jack while going downhill on a steep ramp to retrieve the empty drink pallets.

And as soon as I can get a memory card for my phone that I can use with the laptop as well, I'll post that pic for posterity.

[Solumina]

We are not allowed to throw things at guest or coworkers, except pool techs, they are fair game .

We are not allowed to make fun of guests no matter how much they squeal like a girl when you clean up their little boo-boo, even if their friends have to pin them down so that they won't squirm away from the rubbing alcohol (and why is it always they guys who pretend to be all manly that do this?).

We are not allowed to eat at the desk, unless we are really hungry and then we must be sneaky, like crazy food ninjas.

We are not allowed to play games, unless we involve the guests, because then it is us “being devoted to guest satisfaction” instead of us goofing off (btw toddlers are the best guests to play putt-putt with because if they like you they will totally cheat for you while distracting everyone with how cute they are, on an unrelated note toddlers are easily bribed with juice, even if mommy or daddy bought it, what matters is who actually gives it to them).

We are not allowed to climb the trees, unless a guest has somehow put a towel in the tree and then we are only allowed to climb the tree if we can climb like a ninja, which I can because I am the putt-putt ninja.

We are not allowed to imply that they guests may want to use the bike helmets while performing simple tasks, like standing.

[casey13]

Well, not necessarily at my store but this is from when I was looking to transfer. I was talking to department manager and so an associate walks up because dept. manager is paging for a higher up. Associate asks what is wrong and I instantly start saying stuff like I had been waiting for ten minutes at the video game case (where I think he was doing shelf tags) and that no one offered to help me. His face was "oh fuck" and the department manager was cracking up. Then I told him I was joking and I was looking to transfer. He had a good laugh about it.

[Exaspera]

I am not allowed to write LOL or OMFG next to test answers.

[Magpie]

I am not allowed to write LOL or OMFG next to test answers.

Once again, check this. I've never had anyone complain when I do it. I never complained when someone did it to me. (And I know that, as a student, it was reassuring to know that the marker was amused, rather than upset with what I didn't know).

[TelephoneAngel]

I am not allowed to say

"there are some questions I need to ask you for security reasons", when the mandatory script actually says

ask the questions, then tell the customer "those were security questions which I just asked you".

Telephoneangel carded again, with a verbal warning.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When a manager asks me what I'm going to do tonight, in one of those awkward, clumsy, managerial attempts at small talk with the peons, don't respond "Two chicks at the same time."

[Mr. Security]

No matter how tempting it maybe I'm not allowed after hours to take all the bibles in the library and add the line
"I just whipped your ass!" - Austin 3:16

[dalesys]

Not allowed to abbreviate "Be Specific" when marking up student's papers. - my daughter

[fireheart]

When a manager asks me what I'm going to do tonight, in one of those awkward, clumsy, managerial attempts at small talk with the peons, don't respond "Two chicks at the same time."

Dammit Irv, I just snorted tropical fruit juice!

[superhotelworker]

Is not allowed to tell guests that the fastest way to the parking lot is out their window.
Is not allowed to hit the panic button to get herself some company.
Is not allowed to make fun of an officer who walks into the window, rather than to the door.
Is really not allowed to tell other officers that said officer walked into the window.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

When a manager asks me what I'm going to do tonight, in one of those awkward, clumsy, managerial attempts at small talk with the peons, don't respond "Two chicks at the same time."

I'm so glad I wasn't drinking . . .

However, I think I need a refill . . .


As far as what I'm not allowed to do at work:

I can't throw my store manager in a box and have him shipped to the Sahara Desert via UPS.

[fireheart]

-I am not allowed to kick the cigarette lock. (I actually broke it)
-I will most likely not be allowed to lock the cigarettes ever again.
-No matter how cute it is, I am not allowed to pay out my coworkers who are now dating. (I was the one who set them up, and also in Aussie slang, "paying out" refers to teasing them purely as a joke, not intentionally harmful and usually the other person is in on it too)
-I am not allowed to punch out my coworker who will make sexually harassing comments about them.

[Whiskey]

-I am not allowed to punch out my coworker

Who started THIS rule?!

I am not allowed to.. work the weekend, apparently.