Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Mytical]

These three demand an explanation

Ok, but please remember it was asked for lol.

Halloween Costume. One year I came as death (without the sickle) had obvious fake bone hands that I would reach out with to shake peoples hand or otherwise scare people. It was fun..till the kids come (during this time they can bring the kiddies to work with them). Apparently I scared one of the tykes too badly, and was informed I was not to dress up again. Here I thought my vampire was much more realistic.

Shaking hands. Well the person who's hand I am not to shake is .. small, and apparently .. frail. Last time I shook their hand, apparently I have too firm of a handshake..it hurt his hand. So I am no longer allowed to shake hands with that person.

Boss repremand. For some reason he gets nervous if I am standing. I make people nervous, and have no CLUE why. One time I crossed my arms and glared at him because he was trying to reprimand me for following HIS orders. After that I was told I had to be seated when being reprimanded.

[draftermatt]

I am evidently not allowed to put in my two weeks notice.

Ever since I did I get asked numerous times a day, by the same people why I'm leaving.

Odd though that none of these people have bothered to offer me any incentive to stay, just try to berate me into it.

[zombiequeen]

I am not allowed to chase K with a boxcutter.
Even if he chased me first.
We, being night cooks, are not to have fun at the server's expense.
Or the managers.
Especially not the managers.
Unless he laughs about it too.

I am not allowed to lure children into the kettle, saying it's full of goldfish.
I am not allowed to throw K in the kettle, even though I could.
"But he was being a jerk and said I was weak" isn't a reason.

K, come back here, I'm going to throw you into the freezer you tiny little jerk!
I'm not allowed to give Starcraft II spoilers at work
Even if I just said "There's a lady"

I cannot bring Ryuu to work, even if she's always dreamed of working at camp.
"ZQ, she's a lizard. I don't even know how you can tell she's a girl. I highly doubt you know what it wants to be when it grows up."

Not allowed to catch the cute little garter snakes and put them in my pocket.
They liked it in there, you jerk! I fed them chicken nuggets and they were happy!
Not allowed to offer to show people my pocket snake.
Even if it's just in my pocket!
Or if it sticks its head out and looks at them.
Not allowed to put said snake in a box, shouting "METAL GEAR!"

Not allowed to cry, K gets worried.
If I make K chase the raper one more time, I'll get fired.
Even if I only pointed him out and K grabbed the knife and started chasing.

Never, NEVER, hug K. He will go stabbity.
Not allowed to say "I feel stabbity today"

[Faeshard]

At the new job, all in the first week:

• Not allowed to sing the GlaDOS "Still Alive" song while receiving new parts.
• Not even if I get security to sing along with me.
• Not allowed to sing the Scissor Sister's "I Can't Decide", either.
• Or anything else by the Scissor Sisters.
• Or anything by Jonathan Coulton.
• Stop smiling like that when dual-wielding boxcutters.
• Actually, no smiling like that at all.
• No, really, stop it, it's creepy as hell.
• For that matter, no more dual-wielding boxcutters.
• Even if you can get the pallets broken down twice as fast that way.
• No more wearing that 'Got Tentacles' t-shirt.
• Yes, even though you can explain why it's *not* actually dirty.
• Because you *have* to explain why it's not actually dirty.

[superhotelworker]

*Not allowed to point and laugh when kids dump milk on themselves. Even if it is cute to hear that little w himper that tells you, they KNOW they're in trouble.

*I should wait til a guest is out the door to point and laugh cause he walked into the winodw. Twice.

*I shouldn't claim J without telling him.

[Solumina]

I am not allowed to attack pool techs with pool noodles, only their lead.

I am not allowed to make happy sounds while I eat my cookies, it makes my coworkers want to give up on their diets.

I am not allowed to bring in yummy baked treats unless it is Wednesday because that is the only day when my boss's diet doesn't count.

[Andara Bledin]

I am not allowed to page over the intercom for "the pig who left the mess in the kitchen to come back and clean up after themselves."

I am also not allowed to page, "Will the person who is unable to change the roll of toilet paper in the women's room please let me know who they are so that I can follow them around their home so that they never have to worry about being stuck in the bathroom without paper ever again."

... Yeah, I'm not allowed to be a smartass over the PA system...

I am no longer allowed to dress up on Halloween, though everybody else is

Ooh, now I wanna know what you dress up in for Halloween.

I am not allowed to show my Dragon Con pictures anymore. Despite there being nothing even pg-13 in them. *shrugs*.

It may not be work, but feel free to show 'em to me. I like checking out con pics.

^-.-^

[Mytical]

Mostly as a Vampire, cause with my dark hair and eyes I make a pretty convincing one. However, the time I got in trouble was as Death (Hooded robe and fake 'bony hands'). I would hold the fake hands in mine, and reach out of the robe with it, usually putting the fake hand on somebody's shoulder. Must have scared some manager's kid or something. Hehe

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

It's called a "meat tenderizer," not a "meat beater."

Geez Irv, must you imbue everything with sexual double entendres?

[Andara Bledin]

Mostly as a Vampire, cause with my dark hair and eyes I make a pretty convincing one. However, the time I got in trouble was as Death (Hooded robe and fake 'bony hands'). I would hold the fake hands in mine, and reach out of the robe with it, usually putting the fake hand on somebody's shoulder. Must have scared some manager's kid or something. Hehe

Nice.

Don't suppose you have photographical records?

Merely for support so I can get a completely clear idea of how it all must have gone down, of course.

^-.-^

[technical.angel]

I'm not allowed to have a hammer in my office.

[RestaurantDude]

Shouting "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" when powering on a server is not funny, or so i'm told.

[Mytical]

Don't suppose you have photographical records?

Afraid not. Wish I did. *sighs* All my good Halloween clothing is gone also. In fact have to get new regular clothing also. Dropping 55 lbs will cause a person to have ... issues with clothing.

[Andara Bledin]

Afraid not. Wish I did. *sighs* All my good Halloween clothing is gone also. In fact have to get new regular clothing also. Dropping 55 lbs will cause a person to have ... issues with clothing.

Yeah, but on the bright side... you dropped 55 lbs! Congrats on that, by the way.

^-.-^

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Enough with the "That's what she said" jokes already; they're getting old.

When a co-worker asks me how they verify that it was, in fact, Brett Favre's, ummm, thing that's all over the news because he sent pictures of it to that one woman, don't suggest that they put Brett in a lineup with 4 other guys and have the woman identify the penis she got in his message. Because that isn't how they do it. As far as I know.